In The Blood

Unpredictable

(Austin)

It. Was. Taking. Everything within me to not lose my shit all over the place. All my willpower into keeping it together, into putting up outwards appearances, into not giving in to flashbacks from high school, into not losing every ounce of my shit everywhere. I can't let it out here; I can't, I won't, lose control; it'd wreak more havoc than anyone here could deal with. I wouldn't even be able to deal with the repercussions. I was afraid of losing everything I had with my best friends if I were to emotionally implode. Everything would be out on the table, everything, and I did not know how anyone here would take it. Some people might be more OK with things, but I've learned the hard way to keep certain things to myself. College done burned me. A few friends told and I damn near lost the friends I'd built there. Freak. I was a freak to them. I was lucky I was able to "undo" everything. Though in their minds things were OK, and I was able to rebuild my own trust with them and still remain good friends, I would never forget, and one thread of me could never fully trust them, or anyone, with every part of me ever again. Only Mason had stood beside me; only Mason's memories remained, and Mason never said anything.

I did think Home Free and Pentatonix feelings would be hurt and I would be outcast and blamed. For Rob, for Mitch. I could have, should have, stopped it. Rob shouldn't even have even had to have been shot. When push came to shove, I couldn't do what I should have. Though what would have happened if I had stopped it, no one would ever know. And now I was stuck in repeat: Hunter for me, Rob for Tim. Rob was already having a hell of a lot better outcome though.

To everyone else, it appeared I was tired, stressed, frustrated, and worried; all were one hundred percent accurate. We were all tired, stressed, frustrated, and worried. Rob was critical. Alive and with better odds than before, but still critical and on life support. Tim. The stress had already gotten its stranglehold on him and choked him; that and his PTSD and depression had driven him into a path of self-destruction that had tried to claim him as its victim and had thrown him into a coma. We were damn lucky he was conscious even though he was sleeping. Mitch jumped, screamed, and dove for cover at the littlest of things. Quiet mild-mannered Avi was snapping and yelling at his family (at least he had family here). Scott, Kirstie, and Mitch stuck to each other like glue. There were shadows and ghosts in Chris' and Adam's eyes, and Adam flipped out anytime anyone came within a foot of his ear. Chance kept a tight lock on his emotions for the most part, walls constantly flying up. My last defense walls were always up. And if I had a dime for every time Kevin bowed his head to pray, I'd be a rich man.

I'd seen a change in Avi as soon as his family got here. The worry and fear was still there and he may be snappy at the moment, but in general, his demeanor had changed. It was clear they were a superb support system for him. He coped with his worries better with them around. They were a good family and very close. Yeah, they dropped the ball there as they were trying to leave, but in the end they came back to make things right with Avi. They weren't leaving mad and they genuinely felt bad for hurting him. And all of Pentatonix adored Esther; it was clear in the way they treated her with love, respect, and admiration. They had a special thing going there.

I knew Tim's family well. Taylor, the quiet, reserved, and nerdy little brother. Casey, the loud-mouthed, sarcastic, wacky, and irritating older brother. He and Tim were actually a lot alike. Charles, their father, who could talk to a signpost, a people person, an extrovert. And sweet Dena is a doll. Very loving and very open with her affection for her family. Religious and open with her faith. Tim's brothers had run on scene like a storm, both frantic over Tim. So many tears shed when Tim had run into traffic to flirt with death. Tim's family ties were tight.

It made me laugh how Mitch's family was practically smothering him from a distance, calling every hour at fifteen past. On the dot. You could set your watch by the Grassis. And Kevin had spoken with his family at least three times.