He sits on the mattress, almost naked, except for a pair of undearwears, artistically long fingers holding a smoking cigarette. He slowly takes it to his fine lips, breathing, watching the yellow coals, like his hair. He drags his knees to his chest, wrapping his free arm around his legs and suddenly, he is crying again, tears mark it's course on his cheekbones enhanced, through the gaps of his pale face.
He listen steps, but doesn't turn around. A moment of pause, and then there is Colby at the door, in the bed he sinks next to Sam, holding his own cigarette and the blond doubts before offering him the lighter, a kind of tacit reconciliation, the brunnette takes it and Sam watches through the corners of his eyes, while the flame jumps to catch the filter, while Colby brings the cylindrical stick to his lips, pulling and blowing. The aroma sensually acre of gray smoke, fills the room, clouds his senses, a song is heard somewhere else in the house: Babe I'm gonna leave you by Led Zeppelin. Finally, Colby speaks with his silent voice as usual:
"I shouldn't have done that, Sam. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Sam muttered looking at Colby carefully. The young man shakes his head.
"It's not ..." bangs the cigarette against the ashtray. "This is not 'Just a stupid YouTube channel' for you" He slides his wavering hand over Sam's, then down his tense and nervous shoulders, and the older man can't help it, he relaxes to the touch and takes another drag of his Malboro before answering.
"It's my entire world." and both are surprised at how strong and heavy Sam's voice sounds. He hates this: he hates how vulnerable Colby makes him feel. He looks at his partner for a second and then turns around his head to the opposite side of the wall.
"But you also have me," Colby reminds him softly, crushing the end of his cigarette and putting his hand around Sam's jaw. "And I'm not going anywhere." Sam closes his eyes.
"Yes, I know." and takes a last breath from his cigarette, puts the cigarette butt in the ashtray and slowly kisses his lover, blowing the smoke against the inside of his cheek, while Colby pushes him against the bed. Sam moves his hips up feeling the beginning of arousal through the sunny fabric of his jeans, while Colby pulls his calloused fingers through Sam's burning hair. He clings to the brunette's shoulders, with his legs around his waist, tasting chocolate and nicotine, and in the end he knows it's too late, he knows that falling in love will make him become too vulnerable. He knows that no matter what, he will forgive Colby, if that means staying with him. But in the end, the weakness he feels doesn't matter either. Sam inhales Colby's scent and thousands of indescribable emotions rise in his chest. That, he thinks forgetting his anger and susceptibility, forgetting Colby's cruel words from before, his cold cigarette-stained insincerity, will make him become a better human.
