In Love With My Best Friend's Brother Book:1 By SCM75

COPTER'S JOURNAL

Enetry #67

If didn't have this journal to write in, I think I would lose my mind and go postal on few people. I owe Mr. Kovak an apology this man was absolutely a genius. 

Summer is ending in Fairfield and I am leaving for the University with two earth- shattering revelations about my life that threatened to send me to the psych ward. The first....well, I'm not sure I want to write it down. Perhaps I don't, it will go away.

This must be how people plunge into deep denial. Is that what happens to my mother? Should I join her there?

No.

How can I possibly deny the evidence smacking me in the face? The large cash injection Jeremy Watson for the past nineteen years. My parents scandalous marriage certificate-dated 8 months before I was born. (My mother, always behaving so dignified and pious. Ha!) The stilted, uneasy way she acts when I bring Watson up in conversation.

And then there's disconcerting resemblance.

The family motto tends to be "If it's best left unsaid, then for God's sakes do not say it!" So I didn't write ask the woman, but I hinted around it enough to make her face four Shades more red and a faint line of perspiration break out just over her plump-painted lip.

Confirmation? Not sure. Not entirely sure if I even wanted a confirmation. Perhaps it's best to pretend along with everyone else. But I feel something has changed inside me, a righteous rage taking hold or maybe a darkness in my soul.

Have I been lied to my entire life by everyone I love and Trust?

Who the hell am I?

That brings me to the second revelation. I may not know my own paternity, But I do know that I'm a bona fide, Class A, Jack-ass, Dick head, I hurt someone who didn't deserve it. Someone quite nice, actually. Someone who seems infinitely interesting, and now I've blown any chance of knowing him any better to smithereens. Not that I ever knew him...because I wouldn't allow myself to be tempted. Looks like I took care of that pesky problem as he hate my guts even more now then when we were children.

I'm an asshole. God, it sucks to realize that.

I could blame the stress of this summer and claim it got to me and I took it out on him collateral damage,  if you will. Or it is textbook self- destructive behavior in action? I wish there was a cure for this... frustration. I feel  despair in my heart knowing  that I have hurt him. How can I undo the damage that I've cost. That reminds me of something I read last night in in a home book of poems.

"He is the cure.... he is the disease"

I wish I could turn back time, and undo everything I said and done. I hope some day he can forgive me.

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Surprise my Dear readers double update. Is another short one.  Stay safe.

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