Mr.Langmore

Chapter three

I was seriously debating dropping out of class or tying myself to an anchor and jumping in a lake. I had barely been able to sleep as the scene of yesterday night replayed again and again in my head and it felt worse and worse the more times I remembered it, like when a memory is exaggerated because of our emotions.

I made my mom breakfast as I had my coffee and then showered and put on some black jeans and a dark blue sweater wanting to hide as much as I could in class. I wore my hair down and put some concealer under my tired eyes. I grabbed my school bag and decided to grab an emergency cigarette as well.

I rode my usual boring bus route to school and I lit my cancer stick one I got off. I smoked quickly and went to the bathroom before class. I grabbed the transparent baggie in my bag and bit my lip as I prepared to snort a line. I needed the confidence.

After I was finished I walked to into class and sat in a seat in the middle of the class to seem normal. I looked up to see him grading a paper on his desk and drinking his coffee. As if feeling my gaze on him he immediately looked up and dropped his pencil on the floor. The tension was undeniable. Awkward and unavoidable but it looked like we both agreed telepathically to forget it happened. I wasn't about to ruin his career as most of the girls in class would have by bragging about any sexual act they could score with him.

I tried paying as much attention as I could to what he was explaining and even took down some notes but I just kept picturing myself grinding naked on him. Once class was over I grabbed my stuff and walked for the door.

"Andrea." I heard him call out my name and I froze like a deer caught in headlights and turned around realizing he would want to talk and address the situation. I walked up to his desk and he raised his finger at me signaling me to wait as he talked with another student.

"The exam grades are final, you have plenty of opportunities this week to make up for it I assure you. Okay?" He nodded and the student sighed and left the conversation.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Andrea." He sighed as he turned his head to watch all the students leave out the door. We waited until we were alone. I decided to be mature and confront the situation.

"Listen, I'm sorry about the other night, I think we can both agree that it was uncomfortable and wrong. I assure you I won't ever speak of it or mention anything to anyone seeing as it could potentially damage your job." I said and he nodded and ran his brown eyes over my face.

"I appreciate that and I agree. We should forget it ever happened. Don't be afraid to ask me anything like you usually would after class, you know about jobs or exams, you're very mature... everything will be business as usual." He gave me an assuring smile and I nodded relaxing my body a little.

"Great. I'll see you on Friday." I smiled walking away.

"Andrea. Wait." He sighed and I chewed the side of my lip anxiously.

"What's up?" I asked him walking back.

"I have to admit I'm disappointed in you... why are you working at that place? You're smart you have ambition." He quietly asked me. The hint of anger and disgust was evident in his tone. my jaw clenched.

"Look I have college to pay, my moms medical bills, my rent, food, I take the fucking bus everywhere... I don't have time to start at the bottom at some competitive company. I get by pretty well with my job, it's just not an option for me. I need fast cash or I'm screwed." I closed my eyes in defeat as I realized the teacher I looked up to judged me like everyone else.

"Half the school sees me as some dirty whore so don't worry your not alone." I whispered as I felt some tears from in my eyes. I saw his lips start to move but I couldn't let him see me cry so I just walked quickly out the door ignoring his words.

I felt stupid. I felt dirty. Embarrassed that an adult I looked up to and respected saw who I really was, a nasty and pathetic human being.

I ran to the bathroom and took out the transparent baggie in my bag. I quickly poured a bit more than usual onto my phone surface and made two small lines. I covered my left nostril and inhaled the powder with the other.

I sat there wiping off my tears deciding I wouldn't let some guy make me feel bad about myself. I have my shit together. I fucking work my ass off and shouldn't be ashamed of anything.

I finally felt fine again and left the bathroom stall and walked out the building. I saw a guy from class and walked up to him. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, do you mind giving me a ride home I'm like ten minutes away." I smiled back and he nodded.

"Sure. You're Andrea right?" He replied and I nodded.

"Yeah what's your name?" I asked him.

We talked about class the whole ride and he seemed like a nice guy. I think he could tell I was high by the way he smiled at me and asked me if I was okay every five minutes. He dropped me off and I thanked him saying we would hang out some time after class. I got inside my house and found my mom asleep on the couch with the television on. I covered her with a blanket and got ready for work.