silly goose (quackityhq fanfic)

zero

scout carson, 17                                                 10/13/18

dear diary,
    it's officially 4 months since my overdose, 3 months since i left the hospital, and 1 month since i've been out of rehab. i'm proud of myself for getting this far but man my cravings are so bad. i could easily get drugs since i know a lot of people who sell, but i won't. i wont put my family through that pain again. i know it's been hard for them through all of this. i apparently went into cardiac arrest twice! and i couldn't breath on my own for about 2-3 weeks. my withdrawal was especially hard on my family. i don't remember much if it since i was sedated (due to my arising heart / lung diseases), but i remember my parents crying a lot. i supposedly freaked out and screamed a lot. i was scared and afraid, but i deserved that.

due to my 3 years of fentanyl and alcohol abuse; i was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and high blood pressure (i was able to get them due to another condition i have that makes my lungs and heart weaker(i didn't know i had it)). luckily the diseases were caught very early, so they aren't necessarily life threatening right now. i didn't realize abusing those substances would lead to this. but it did. this means if i ever abuse drugs again, i could die early. right now i'm still getting tests and treatments to make sure my lungs and heart don't damage more. since i'm young and still growing my doctors think i'll be able to live until i reach old age. they said that when i reach old age is when i'll need to really worry. but for right now i'm not allowed to physically and mentally exhausted myself too much (it could lead to an epic heart attack or my lungs could collapse). i can still workout a little bit, go to concerts, and be a crackhead with my friends. but one thing i shouldn't do is fly unless absolutely necessary. they said i would have a hard time breathing and would need to be on a ventilator.

i just wish i stopped when i could've. i wouldn't be in this mess. i've missed school, birthdays, and summer. i'm going to turn my life around and never substance abuse again. if i ever start then i might as well be dead.

but hey i'm currently on a mix of fun drugs to keep me from dying so yayyyy.

also i forgot to mention that my parents are moving us to san francisco to get a fresh start so that's cool ig.

i'm signing off for now, but i'll most likely right more entries if i can.

-scout :p

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