Just Love

Chapter 13: Roses

We've been married for months and I can tell that he's... all right. Well, I don't know if I am, pakiramdam ko kasi, masaya lang siya dahil nakukuha niya ang gusto niya.

I scoffs, “Totoo naman, 'di ba?”

I just rolled my eyes and shook the thought out of my head but still, I can't stop wondering. After all that has happened, questions are still in my head. Kahit ba noong mga araw na magkaibigan pa lang kami, ganito na ang tingin niya sa akin? I mean, he's been lusting over me while I am just innocently giving him company?

“Zayn, what were you really thinking? What are...,” I asked to nobody in the room.

He's not here, he started his work weeks ago. Gusto ko nga sanang sumama at humirit ng trabaho kahit na sa mababang position lang sa company nila pero ayaw talaga niya. Now, mas lalo akong bored sa bahay kasi mas nawalan ako ng ginagawa. Well, I am doing him like everyday when we were still together all day. Ugh, whatever! Perverted him.

I walk out to the balcony and lean against the handrail. Ha, what a nice scenery while having some fresh air, no pollution. You can have a sight of the city, the tall buildings to be exact that's not so far from here with the sun setting from its behind. Then, playing children, few cars passing by, people passing by with their pet, with their kid.... Hmm, a kid, huh?

Tsk, he wants us to have a kid. Damn, I am scared by bearing one. Hindi ba niya alam na masakit ang manganak? Hindi ba niya alam na mahirap? Palibhasa, hindi siya ang makararanas ng sakit kasi puro sarap lang ang kaniya. I don't know if I can handle that too, I don't know. Siguro nga, pumayag akong huwag nang gumamit ng kahit na anumang contraceptives pero ipinagdarasal ko na sana'y hindi kami agad makabuo. Hindi naman siguro siya sharpshooter at saka... ewan ko, bahala na si G kung bibigyan niya ba kami or hindi. I'll gladly receive whatever he'll give, and love it with no fear... kahit na nakatatakot naman talaga... lalo na sa sitwasyon namin ni Zayn.

“Hay,” I heaved a sigh.

It's almost nightfall and it's almost his arrival. Oh, I really feel bored! I go out sometimes, strolling around the neighborhood, shopping, even visiting my mother just to cover up my boredom, but I don't feel like it's enough. I feel like something is missing, I miss him....

Ha–ha! What a silly joke of mine. Nalulungkot ako kasi malapit nang bumalik sa Philippines sina kuya. Right now, they're in New York City to fix some things first before leaving the country. Soon enough, maiiwan na naman akong mag-isa at tanging si Zayn lang ulit ang makasasama. Nagtatampo pa rin ako sa family ko kasi maiiwan na naman nila ako, pero siguro, sinasanay lang talaga ako ng tadhana na mawalay sa kanila. As you see, I am married now, it's just right to live with my husband, but I sometimes am still feeling it like it's wrong. I don't regret marrying him at all. Maybe, debt of honor it is, but he got me, he's my first and he's eager to have me. He's lucky, right? Parang giveaway lang ako from an event na madaling makuha. Wala eh, I can't find myself being with another man after what happened to us, so, why not just him, right? Being with someone else would feel more wrong than being with Zayn. Ano na lang ang sasabihin niya 'pag nalaman niyang hindi na ako virgin nang makuha niya ako? Na nagpagamit ako sa kung kani-kanino? Na nagpagamit ako sa mismong best friend ko? No, thank you, I'll choose Z instead. Tsk, ilang beses ko na bang pinaulit-ulit na sabihin 'yan?

To tell you the truth, sometimes, he terrifies me. Bumabalik-balik pa rin sa akin ang ginawa niya noon, kung paano niya ako tingnan nang para bang kakainin niya ako nang buhay, kung paano niya ako paulit-ulit na kinuha sa marahas na paraan, it's terrifying. Hindi naman na naulit pa iyon at sana, hindi na talaga maulit pa. He's taking me gently, with care, he's so sweet, too much for a woman's fantasy. I'll be honest with you, sa ginagawa niya, hindi malabong mahulog ako sa kaniya. It's just too sad 'cause I know, I can't. He's my boy best friend, I can't fall for a friend.