BE MY CURE

CHAPTER ONE

Life is worth to live because it's a gift from the above, but is it still worth living when actually  it feels more like a curse?

Since then when I was a kid, I already know that I was different.

My parents raised me away from people. Dad said that people are dangerous, they are capable of doing anything just to hurt me— but that's the point, I know, and my parents know that they can't.

I've been living with a very rare condition, and it was diagnosed as CIP, the congenital insensitivity to pain.

I can't feel pain, I don't even know what pain is.

Before, I thought, it was a blessing, a special ability or a super power. I even took advantage of it; I tried putting my fingers on fire and watch it as it turns red, hit my legs with a hard metal and wait for it until it swells, and the absence of pain in it makes me joyful.

I enjoyed cutting and injuring myself without telling my parents, not until my time has come.

It was my 12th birthday, and my parents threw a big party. It was my first time socializing with other people, with other kids. I was overjoy, I laughed, I talked, and played with them. And then, the magic show finally started. I saw gaiety in their faces, and with my intension of making them happier, I volunteered myself to show another magic to them. I took the knife and ran it upon my wrist in an instant. With my blood streaming down, I show off an ear to ear smile, telling them it doesn't hurt even a little, but instead of receiving compliments from them, they panicked and called my parents. Mom and dad hurriedly ran towards my direction, anxiety is clearly seen in their faces, after a couple of seconds, my eyes became blury, and the next thing that I found out is, I was already laying in a hospital bed.

The doctor explained everything. Yes, I may not feel physical pain and temperature but my body condition remained equal with other people. I can have bruises, and lost blood without the presence of pain, but still, it can cause serious injuries and worst, it can put me in grave.

Starting that day, I totally felt that I am different. My parents became harder when it comes to me. It feels like, I lost my freedom to be happy, my freedom to have friends, to study in a normal school, and everything.

I want to live my life. I want to live a normal life.

I want to experience what teenagers usually up to; going out of town, shopping, hanging out, infatuating, and… being in love.

I just turned 18 last month. I am already in the legal age. I can already decide for myself.

Kaya ko na.

"Mom, gusto kong mag-college sa isang university." I said in amidst of having dinner.

"Yes. I already enrolled you in a online university." Dad answered.

"No.. I mean, sa totoong university."

Mom and dad looked at each other, as if communicating non-verbally.

"Please."

Mom put down the utensils and sighed. "No. Mas mabuting dito ka na lang, Azariah."

"Mom, kaya ko na!"

Napahinto ako nang biglang tumaas ang tono ng pananalita ko.

"I'm sorry." Uminom ako ng tubig 'saka nilisan ang hapagkainan.

I locked my room and hardly lay myself on bed.

After an hour, I heard someone knocking.

"Aza, we want to talk to you." I heard mom's voice.