"Woah. No need to be so drastic." The grapefruit said in fright. "I haven't even used up my tri-fi yet! Just put the knife down and back away slowly. I won't hurt you."
"Pffft. Hurt me with what? Your words?" I said in disbelief.
"Look at this peel." The grapefruit said having a poor attempt at sounding tough.
"Um, yeah. Don't say that in public please. Wouldn't want to tarnish my reputation." I say with a hand on my hip.
"What reputation? Like seriously any sort of "rep" you had died the minute you started talking to a grapefruit."
Offended I tell him that he could've been a grape-fruit-aide and that he was lucky I hadn't decided to cut him already on and on the bickering continued.
Honestly. What have I done to deserve this. All I wanted was some grape-fruit-aide not a freaking grapefruit making up gibberish and talking it's gab away. Seriously the should make a remake of that 'Annoying Orange" show and incorporate this freaking grapefruit. It actually puts that orange to shame.
Like seriously what is tri-fi?! I obviously muttered that part a bit louder than the rest since he replied telling me that it's wifi from a tree. I mean come on. What kind of tree has wifi. Next thing you know phones are going to be wireless. What a mad world that would be.
I took a deep sigh. 'Fruits these days." I mutter as I comb my fingers through my salt and pepper hair. Yeah, all you lady fangirls heard me! Salt an pepper hair like George Clooney. I still know how to get down.
"Old man, I cant believe you just said that," the grapefruit in between laughter. " I honestly feel bad for anyone who has to see you 'get down'."
Walking to the nearby floral green couch I pick up the picture of Mary and I sitting on the beach on our wedding day. I could remember the day so well. Her long, flowing white dress that hugged every her curve and showed her off, in a modest way of course, her hair neatly french braided to the side with a white orchard at the bottom and I remember her smile that had lit up my world.
That day had been amazing. The picture was taken as we sat upon the sand, looking over the horizon at the beautiful sunset and the sun shining upon the sea.
"Oi. Old guy," grapefruit exclaimed "Whose that hot piece of leaf?"
Looking at the grapefruit that was still lay on the counter top I gave it an annoyed look. That tree slang is getting way out of hand I say as I grab it and walk to the coffee table with it.
"That hot piece of leaf is my wife."
"Ooooo, how delightful.How did someone so woah-hoa end up with someone so boo-hoo? May I meet her?"
"She's not around," I say as I avert my gaze
"Nah it's 'right. I have literally nowhere to be so I've got a whole."
"She's in heaven."
"What is this heaven you speak of?"
"Okay. Shut up. I'm actually done talking to you," I say as I have now lost my patience.
"No no. I apologise. Now do tell. I love gossip! You know how it is living on a tree on your own? It's like watching never drying paint dry!"
"She's dead OK. Now get out of my face!" I exclaimed now upset over the situation.
"I think we established that I can't go anywhere soooooo..."
"Fine. Then I'll go." I say as I slam the door and exiting to the backyard.
☆★☆★☆★☆★★★★★★☆★☆★☆
Well that was probably the longest chapter. I think it's more if a filler but hey. At least I updated. Love u guys. And VOMMENT PLIZ!
And in would love it way more if someone could make me a title page♥♡♥♡♥
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The Magic Grapefruit
RandomAs a 68 year old, retired, male widower it was hard to find anything to entertain myself with during the long days, until one day I take up gardening. I grow the freshest, most ripe fruits but my greatest accomplishment is my grapefruit tree. This...
