Flowers of Despair

Chapter 3

Maya.

Someone’s calling my name but I can’t open my eyes.

Maya.

I’m sacred to open my eyes, scared of what’s waiting there for me.

Maya, open your eyes, please.

I slowly begin to open them, but then squeeze them shut again against the light. So bright, to bright. Where am I? My questioned is answered by a voice that’s soft, safe, familiar.

“You’re at the hospital, Maya. Can you open your eyes again? We turned down the lights.” When I finally get them open, everything’s blurry. All I see are fuzzy outlines and colors of what I assume are people. “Maya, it’s me. Officer Smith, remember?”

Everything comes flooding back. The accident, Max, the hospital. Sam. I sit up and find myself on a couch. I Hear beeping in the background and know I’m by Sam. I rub my eyes and slowly things start to focus. I can see Smith crouched down in front of me and two nurses and a doctor around us. “You fainted, and began screaming. What did you see?”

I shudder as the image of the faceless people and smoke comes back. I shake my head and look past them to Sam. The doctor says something but I’m not paying attention. I can’t look away from Sam.

Once the doctor and nurses leave, I stand and walk over to Sam’s bed. I pull a chair over and sit Indian style. When I grab his hand, it’s not as warm as I remember. There’s something rough on his palm. I flip his hand over and find dried blood stuck to his palm.

“He’s so young. This shouldn’t have happened to him. This should be me not him.” I’m talking to no one and everyone. “I remember when he was just a baby, always laughing and smiling at me. He was the light in all the darkness that surrounded our family. Before he came along, my parents would fight almost every night. I would hide under my bed, covering my ears as their yells got louder. I would hear my mother crying late at night when she thought everyone was sleeping. The next morning she would always have a bruise on her arm or a scratch on her face. One day when they thought I was asleep, I heard them arguing in the hallway outside my door. They were talking about me, how I’m not acting like most kids at my age; that I was falling behind. They were thinking of giving me up unless something changed.

“Later that month, my mom sat me down at our kitchen table and told me she was pregnant. I started to cry and told her to get rid of it. I didn’t want someone else to be in that situation, let alone a baby. She told me I was just jealous that I’d have to share her when it joined our family. She didn’t know I heard her every night from under my bed. That night when she told my father that I knew, he screamed at her and called her a worthless bitch. I could hear him slapping her. I could hear her cries. I crawled out from my bed and opened my door. As I went down the stairs, I stayed against the wall so they wouldn’t see me. When they came into view, I stopped. My mom was on her knees, my father towering over her, screaming and hitting. I covered my mouth so I wouldn’t scream and give myself away. When my mom looked up, her eyes locked on me. She knew but didn’t say or do anything, as to not alert my father.

“We never talked about it after that night. My father stopped drinking every night and they seemed not to have as bad of fights after that. Eventually the fights stopped all together and I would find them snuggling on the couch, my father’s hands now caressing my mother with love instead of hatred. We became a family again. He saved us. He brought us together. He was our star in the night.” A small smile spread across my lips as I thought back on all those memories we shared. All the laughter he caused, all the smiles he gave, the way his blue eyes would light up when he made you smile or laugh.

When I turned and looked at Smith, there were tears in his eyes as well as in my own. “Wow,” he’s blinking fast, “I never would have known that. I can’t believe--, how--?” Smith was struggling to find the right words.

“How could they still love each other?” I look back at Sam, my hero. My kid brother. “I don’t know. I never asked. I was just happy that they did.”

“Well,” he pauses, ”My names Dereck. “

I look back at Officer Smith, Dereck, and smile. “You look more like a John,” and I laugh at the absurdity of this moment. But it seems to make things better because he chuckles at it and shakes his head. We just sit there for a while and laugh about things, forgetting about all the terrible stuff that has happened today.

Dereck looks at his watch and frowns. “I’m sorry but I have to get back to work. I’ll come by later though, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Maya. I’ll see you soon. I promise.”

As he walks out of the room, in a low voice I say, “Goodbye, Dereck.” Somehow he heard me because you looked over his shoulder and smiled.