When You Hurt

Terror

     It was a horrid dream. And it felt so real. He was trapped again, surrounded on all sides, trapped, trapped.
     It was so dark. He screamed, his voice breaking under the pressure. He clawed at the box he was enclosed in until his fingernails were torn and bloodied. His entire body ached. There was no way out. The agonized panic set in, crushing him with pure terror.
He couldn't breathe.
He couldn't breathe.
He couldn't breathe.
     He woke up with a cry of alarm. His fingers still burned with phantom pain. He tried to steady his erratic breathing. He still felt like he was there. The night was dark, so dark... These were flashbacks of his past, he was sure of it. This was how he died. And he felt so, so afraid. He felt like his throat was closing. Was it always this hard to breathe? How could this be happening to him? Why was this happening to him?

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     "Yukine?" Yato called out sleepily from his place behind Yukine, his voice marked with concern. He had felt the pain of his regalia, the panic that had come on so strongly.

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     Yukine froze. He lay still, feigning sleep. His breaths were still quick and out of control, no matter how hard he tried to steady them. He couldn't let Yato find out. Yato couldn't find out.

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     "Yuki?" Yato called again, softer this time. He was no longer tired. The shared horror from Yukine clutched at him. None of his previous regalias had ever acted quite like this before. This wasn't just the typical uneasiness that Yukine would often get during the night. This was unrequited fear. Something was wrong. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

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     "It's no-nothing," Yukine made out, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm fine." He prayed a silent wish in his head: Please let him go back to sleep. Please let him go back to sleep. He didn't know why the idea of Yato finding out what was afflicting him filled him with absolute dread, but it did, and he wanted to hide, to preserve the little dignity he still had left. He heard Yato rise to his feet. Panicked, Yukine scrambled to his feet as well.

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     Yato's concern for his blessed shinki grew. He reached out a hand of comfort to put on Yukine's shoulder.

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When the contact came, the boy jumped with a shriek of terror, spinning himself and pressing his back to the wall of their room in the house of Kofuku and Daikoku. His eyes started to adjust to the darkness, and Yukine felt his heart beginning to crawl back into his chest. He gasped for breath, clutching at his throat. It was only Yato. It was only Yato...
"Oh, Yukine..."
Yukine covered his face and slid down the wall until he was sitting up against it. "Don't," he whispered. "Please don't."
"Yukine, you must tell me what the matter is," Yato said, running his fingers over his scalp. "Otherwise, I can't help you. I can't protect you if you don't let me-"
"Stop!" Yukine yelled, curling in on himself as his voice broke. "That's not your job! I am your guide! It's my job to protect you-" he choked back a cry "-not the other way around."

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      Yato felt his heart splitting. "Yukine, you know that's not true." How could Yukine think that? His shinki had literally risked his own life to save Yato's, and Yato was supposed to feel no obligation towards that to protect his regalia in return? Forget obligation! He had taken this boy under his wing! Yukine was his responsibility. And even if that wasn't the case, Yato didn't feel obligated to take care of Yukine anymore. He genuinely loved the boy, and would do whatever it took to keep him safe. "That's not true, Yukine," Yato tried again gently.

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     "Just leave me alone," Yukine begged. He felt so pathetic. "Please."

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     Yato, at a loss for what to do, sighed, complying. "Fine... If you ever need to talk, though, I'm here, you know."
     Yukine kept his head buried between his knees and didn't respond.
     Yato left the house, the night breeze chilling him as he stepped outside. Yato walked a ways until he could no longer see the house, then leaned against a tree and slumped, wondering what he was supposed to do. He could feel Yukine's pain. Was Yukine trying to stay secluded, trying to keep his feelings out of sight so that Yato wouldn't be hurt by them too? Was that it? It wasn't working very well, if that was the case. Yukine's panic and terror still laced around Yato's chest, becoming tighter and tighter. He felt the fear as a steady pang. The darkness wasn't helping at all. Perhaps his young regalia would snap out of it long enough to turn some lights on? He knew his shinki had a phobia of the dark, but it had never acted up this badly. Yukine was acting as reserved and as cold as when Yato first chose him. What could possibly have triggered something like this?
He groaned as another wave of Yukine's emotion overtook him. It just kept coming. He clutched his stomach as a bout of nausea passed. It was getting hard to move, as Yato could tell that Yukine had started crying. The boy was in some serious distress, Yato knew. He needed to help him somehow. And not just for Yato's own sake, but for Yukine, who, no matter how much pain Yato was going through, was suffering far worse.
     It was an odd sort of pain, though. There was no blight. This was a different kind of sting. One that came from deep connection.
     What could have possibly made Yukine so afraid? As he continued to feel as Yukine felt, Yato felt himself understanding the jumbled fears, like blurry, far away images. A fridge. A cruel man. Shouting. Nothing. Blood. Panic. Suffocation.
     It couldn't be... no. Was that even possible? Could Yukine be receiving pictures of his past, his death, in dreams? Yato was sure that that wasn't something for a shinki to know. That a shinki couldn't know.
     But Yukine was no ordinary regalia. He was a blessed regalia. Perhaps Yato and Yukine were more connected now than he had previously thought. Maybe Yato not only could feel Yukine's emotions, but perhaps Yukine was more so then connected to Yato. Maybe he was catching glimpses of his death from what Yato knew about it.
But that would mean... No.
Yato gasped as another wave of pain washed over him, and along with that, unrequited fear of his own. No, if Yukine knew about that... No, No, No!
Yato ran as fast as he could back to where he left Yukine, swallowing back the pain. It couldn't be! And if it was, his shinki would be turning into an ayakashi at that very moment, wouldn't he?
"YUKINE! YUKINE!" he cried out as he ran. He rued not having the strength to teleport. Why didn't I pay more attention? How could I have left him alone!