When You Hurt

Burden

Yukine was sitting outside of the house, curled up into a ball, trembling and sobbing. "Oh, please, please, no," Yato prayed as he approached the boy. However, when he reached him, there didn't seem to be anything physically wrong with Yukine. Yes, Yato was still being stung harshly by Yukine's negative emotions, but Yukine himself had no blight, or any traces of become an ayakashi. He bent to pull away Yukine's shirt collar, issuing a cry from the boy, and he saw that his name seal was fully intact. A huge weight was lifted from Yato's chest, but his fear quickly turned to confusion. "How? You're... okay? How?" Was I wrong? No, I can just feel that that's what he knows. Then how is he still himself? Why is his name not cracked? How is he withholding this?
     "Okay?" Yukine spat back between hiccups. "Wow, Yato, do I look okay to you?" He glared at Yato with glassy eyes full of hate. Yato's heart skipped a beat.
     "No, that's not-"
"I just need to be alone!" Yukine stood and began to stalk off, his head hung, when he stopped abruptly and turned back to Yato. "I'm not... hurting you... am I?"
Yato felt his heart swell. Even in his shinki's moment of terrible fear and pain, Yukine worried for his sake. "It's not- so bad," he lied. "Just... please come back soon. Stay safe."
     As he watched Yukine walk away, Yato felt sick to his stomach with worry. What was he supposed to do? Wait for Yukine to come back? He felt like he had to do something then and there, but how could he when Yukine was in so much distress that he wouldn't even talk to Yato about it?
Kofuku stepped out of the house, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Yato-chan? What are you doing out here? Is Yukki okay?"
"He's- He's fine," Yato answered, looking out the way Yukine had left. His body shook with a tremor.
Kofuku squinted at him with concern. "Yato-chan, you look awful."
"Don't worry about me. Just trust me, okay, Kofuku? Please go back to bed."
"If you're sure." Kofuku yawned again, stretching her arms up above her head. She gave him a pointed look of concern. "Be careful. Keep Yukki safe. Me and Daikoku will be here, if you need."
"Thank you, Kofuku. You and Daikoku have always been there for us."
She smiled at him, a soft, kind expression. "We always will be. Come home soon."

                                :::::::::::::::

     Yukine shuddered as the chilly hours of night melted into morning. Temporary relief washed over him at the coming of daylight. At least the darkness couldn't afflict him anymore. It wasn't as much comfort to him as he expected.
Fear still roared in his ears, drowning out everything else. It was a harsh, abusive feeling creeping inside of him, taking hold of and destroying him from the inside out.
     He didn't want to be alone. Not really. He wanted Yato with him. Desperately. But for some reason, the thought continued to fill him with a stomach-turning dread. Yato couldn't see him this weak. He was supposed to be Yato's protector, his guide, but now, now...
     The memories came back to his mind, and he cried out in alarm, holding himself up against a building. He was getting short of breath. He felt like he needed to get out of somewhere, but there was nowhere to run. He was stuck. He was terrified.
     "Help!" he cried, trying to draw himself back to the present, to reality. "Somebody, help me! Yato! Yato..." He wept, feeling so terribly alone. He had asked for this. I don't want this. Help me, please.
     "Line!" he shouted with a swish of his arm. A border appeared, but nothing else happened. There were no ayakashi in front of him to fight. Everything causing him pain now was holed up in his mind, a place he didn't know how to fight his own thoughts off in. He was trapped. Not only in that place, but in his own mind. There was no way out. He couldn't run away from himself.
     He should go back to Yato. Yato would know what to do. Yato would know how to help him. But this was something he could not put into words. This was a burden for him to shoulder, not his master.
     However, Yukine knew he couldn't go on like this. He needed to talk to someone. He knew for some reason that he couldn't confront another shinki about it. He couldn't have them facing this kind of horror, too. And other than Kofuku, he wasn't close enough with any of the other gods to confront them, and with her luck, she might just make matters worse. Yato was his only option.
     He trudged back to where he had slept the night before. His eyelids drooped from the sleep he had not gotten, and he would not let himself fall asleep then, not with the terrors that would await him in his dreams.

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Yato's pain would vary. There were points of crippling agony, and moments of dull, far-away aching. And everything hurt all the more as he dwelled on the fact that this was the pain Yukine was feeling. All the hurt, all the fear, all the things Yukine was bottling up inside of him, hiding.
     Yato knew he had made a mistake letting Yukine go off on his own like that. He hated himself for it. He had left his shinki alone during such a horrid time for the second time that night. What had he been thinking? He shouldn't have ever let Yukine leave in that state, especially not in the dark, no matter what Yukine said! Yato knew what was best for his boy, and this was not it. He needed to act like a master, pull himself together, and bring his boy back home.
He hefted himself off the ground, biting back a choked scream. I can walk, he fought to convince himself. I will find Yukine.