I can still feel his fingers gripping into my back
I can still smell him on my clothes
Why can't I be happy about this
Why am I panicking
I never thought that he would be on top on me
Staring into my eyes only two inches away
But why was I unhappy about it
He kept going further
My whole body was screaming
I wish I could've just disappeared right then
Why didn't I say no
That's something I'm capable of doing
But in that moment
All the words slipped right off my tongue
"Maybe I can just take it"
"It'll all be over soon"
But it felt like a lifetime
The shame consumes my being
"Please stop"
I don't feel like myself afterwards
But
I'm not mad at him
I'm disgusted with myself
I don't have to let myself be used like this
But I did it anyway.
