Staring At The Stars

Chapter One- Megs of Ryan

Sometimes I just stare. There's no definite reason why, I just do it because I can. Just like smokers smoke because there is cigarettes, and people drink because there is alcohol.

I started my weird staring problem when I was six, from watching my parents argue 24/7 it was just natural for me to stare and cry. The tears were always warm against my tender cheeks, and when they crept their way over my lip, I could taste a salty liquid automatically making me wanting to wipe it, sniffling and all. It was funny to me that even with a six year old daughter standing in the door frame, you still find ways to bicker.

In my seventeen years of being alive, I've never stared at the sky. I don't know the reason for that either. Maybe it's because of airplane crashes, or birds being shot down. Either way I've never directly stared at the sky. I've stared at the ceiling, the hollow ceiling that echoed sounds of any sort, but I didn't mind, sometimes those sounds soothed me, like right now.

At this very moment I found myself staring at the white Plath, and the drywall that surrounded it. Conscience of everything around me. Like how heavy my breaths were because there was a backpack strapped on my shoulders, my room smelt like deodorant and outside, which around my small house in Seattle, was completely dripping with leaves.

"Ava, get up its time for your first day of senior year." As my mother stretched those words, the lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger, thicker and thicker, and as I pushed myself off the comfort of my comforters, I felt it drop to my stomach and crush everything in its path. "Yea thanks for reminding me." I smiled at her and clutched the hem of my sleeve, inhaling once again deodorant and outside.

"You can walk right? I mean it's right there." I nodded excitedly, even though on the inside I wanted to shove myself in the mud underneath these leaves. "Alright then, Umm we won't be here when you get back though, we are going to Mat's house. You know my co-worker, he's throwing a big bash." I looked at her like I cared but truly I didn't and that the lump inch its way back up the walls of my stomach.

"So after school go to Joanna's house or maybe Kaine's I talked to his mother earlier." I nodded once again and smiled brightly. "Love you mom, and oh um I'll call to let you know where I go." She pulled me into one of those over protective motherly hugs and when she released she sighed, like she wish it could have lasted longer than the original fifteen seconds.

I turned and my Ebony brown hair flew behind me, my Vans leading me to Jefferson High School. Joanna is one of my closest friends, but she doesn't always set the right example for me, she's always smoking or drinking or partying, and she has this bright purple hair color that you could see even when she's not even by you. Kaine is kind of different. He smokes and drinks, but he never parties. He's always practicing with bands and stuff like that. He's in two, one is called Megs Of Ryan the other is unknown until further notice, meaning all the members don't live here.

Those are really the only two people I hang around with and yea I talk to lots of people but they actually get me. Kaine's friend Ashlee hangs around us sometimes too, but she makes me uncomfortable because she's lesbian. It's not that I have anything against that, it's just she talks about having relationships with different girls at school and I don't want my name to surface, so I only hang around her when Kaine is around.

The cement was wet below me, the roots of trees causing some parts to break and rise, and cars passed by slowly in the school zone, I noticed some people I hung with in a giant group already at school, but it really didn't mean I had to go, I just wanted to find Joanna. I crossed the street to the school parking lot and examined everything. The students, the teachers, cars, couples making out on the hood of their cars, but me I was basically stranding alone with no room for error.

"HEY AVA!!!" I heard my name being called and I whipped around to see Ashlee. Lucky me. "Hey Ash, what's up?" I beckoned towards her. "Oh nothing really just band crap. We're performing today at the hideaway beach, Joanna put it all together." I shoved my hands in my pockets and we walked side by side. "Really? I had no idea, no one ever tells me anything, but anyway have you seen Kaine or Joanna?" I inquired, watching our world with my deep brown eyes.

"Umm Joanna is in the cafeteria and Kaine is still getting dressed. I just got back from practice." I shrugged and bit my bottom lip really hard. "Um I think I'm gonna go find Joanna, you can come with if you want."

"Nah that's cool, Alex told me to wait for him, you know drummers, always fashionably late." I laughed and started my way towards the cafeteria.

When I reached the lunch room, freshman's nearly took over, and I knew Joanna was in here because every year this is where she comes to make new friends and I should have known. I saw her purple hair and shoved past waves of scented bodies towards her. "Hey." I said standing beside her. "Oh hey!!! Oh my gosh I haven't seen you since yesterday." She laughed, holding her nirvana shirt, Kurt Cobain's name on the back.

"What class do you have first? I have calculus." I stated, as she guzzled down a sprite probably filled with liquor. "Art. Sucks though, because I was really looking forward to being in first period with you." She puckered her bottom lip and batted her lashes, giving me the puppy dog face. "Same here, heard we're having a new kid named,"

"Griffin. He's the guitarist in Kaine's other band, he moved so he could practice more." I nodded and she looked over her shoulder at juniors behind her. "Griffin? How come Kaine never talks about him?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that Kaine is in two bands for a reason, one because he wants the spotlight and Griffin might take that away." I thought about that for a while and throughout the whole day he never came to school. Maybe he'll be at the beach.