WHAT IF

1996: as friends, not lovers

July, 1996. 『Baja, Mexico』

"Leo, honey, I got very worried when you didn't join us for supper." Kate obliviously declared her worries as she closed the austere door of Leo's hotel room before walking over to where he was. Melancholia seemed to fill the bleary atmosphere as the room redolent of cigarette smoke.

It was too quiet, and so was he. Usually, the place would occasionally be filled with laughter as his lips would emit gibberish, or with him farting on his long coat, sweeping it over her face, and they'd be reeling, laughing. Sometimes it would be their endless bickering or good-natured banters or simply small talks, but never quiet.

Leo was sat on his spacious bed. His silhouette was illuminated by the golden light from the wall sconce lamp, which was the only source of light in the cold room, his beautifully streaked hair, desultory banded out of his face, his back on the headboard, his other hand on his lap, and a hand-rolled cigarette on the other. Stark emptiness cast upon his beautiful face.

"I just," a weary sigh escaped him, feeling susceptible to discuss anything regarding his sentiments. "I just needed some time to think, that's all. I needed to think some things over."

Kate sat down beside him, "you can talk to me about anything, darling. You know that, right?" He must acknowledge this now.

"It's just some shit that happened a while back. I haven't felt comfortable left alone with my thoughts most of the time. Kristen helped to keep me distracted for a while. We'd travel a lot, do these adventurous sorts of things, you know, skydiving, parachuting, waterfall rappelling, we even flew an aerobatic plane once. When we're not on an adventure we'd be out roaming around every corner of the streets of New York, aside from all the fun, I'd say we were very serious about each other, we'd do the whole hoochie-coochie stuff, yes, but to me it was more than that, or so I thought, but I couldn't admit that to her or to anyone, really." He let out a chuckle before taking a long drag, his head tossed upwards as he exhaled the fumes, his eyes then fixated on the cigarette placed between his fingers.

"Aw, babe, you must be in love with her," Kate commented as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but she can see past the opaque of the walls he built so eagerly.

"The thing is, lately we've been drifting apart for no apparent reason, but neither of us is willing to discuss it." A weary sigh escaped his supple lips. "She's coming to visit next week and I don't know what to do. She's nice, the press likes to misinterpret her, but she knows what she wants so damn well, and I'm not sure how to deal with that at this point. Part of me feels excited to see her, but the other half, fuck, I'm so fucking confused, Kate." Leo admitted in surrender, his voice grave, still persistent in masking potential tears, his bleary topaz blue eyes never leaving the sight of his lap. "I thought that maybe I got it all figured out, you know, but now something doesn't feel right. It feels empty, or I don't know, maybe it's just me." He uttered, voice travelling up the octaves at a dangerous pace, just to be followed by an unpretentious sniffle.

Kate took the half-lit cigarette from his unmindful hand and placed it on his ashtray, placed above a dresser, adjacent to his complacent bed. "Fuck. I'm crying." An unfamiliar laugh laced with mere inhibition escaped him as the first two tears began dripping from his eyes beautifully, quietly, slowly saturating his perfectly structured face.

Shortly, he scoured the awful briny tears in his face with the cheap fabric of his shirt, unveiling his toned abdomen. Muffled blubber then radiated from within him.