Tales from a Pepsi Queen

Faith

Faith. It's such a delicate and yet complex quality to maintain in one's own life. My way of life had a constant thread of faith woven in it because for much of my life I was afraid. I was afraid of failing so I tried often too hard to control outcomes. Also I felt a tremendous amount of responsibility to make myself the best version of me possible. Coupled that with not always knowing who I was inviting problems and they flourished, as of course they did with me. I was fearful of poverty having been exposed to such a horrible dollop of it in my childhood, that I wanted to escape from those memories as fast as I could. I was afraid of being abandoned, as I had been with my family as a child. I was afraid of being alone because I had spent so much of life alone. And I was afraid of aging because that meant I'd be unwanted. So how did I ultimately conquer these fears?  Well,I never did, but I finished trying and that was through faith. Since I had been alone for so much and had an overactive inner dialogue, I used to talk to God all the time. I developed a relationship with God throughout my life, and being around religious objects forever, especially in Los Angeles, He was a part of my reality. It was when I shut Him out that I really had problems. It took me into late middle age to keep from getting in my own way, and how did I eventually have a real faith? By letting myself be brave enough to just let go. And then this funny thing happened when I started practicing what I preached: my life became simpler and more beautiful. I can't say, "if only I'd learn these lessons sooner" because I was following a destiny, but I can say that by investing in faith and by simply believing and through meditation that answers would come to me quickly and with great clarity. So when times are tough I would suggest to you that going to someplace you love, with a pet if you are lucky enough have one, and meditate, center yourself and allow the spiritual to overcome you with its gentle beauty and when you come out of that special trance, you will be receptive to the divine. Practice whatever religion you like, but meditate for spiritual clarity and watch how you will manifest a beautiful life. Once you get in the habit, you will have a great power that's a genuine power to be used wherever you want but remember to never boast about this gift, keep it quiet and only when you find someone you truly love, share your insights without pressuring someone to do as you do because this kind of relationship with faith comes when it's right for the individual. God bless,love, Joan.