Heart of Stone

~chapter 2~

As my pessimistic thoughts wrack what little sanity I have left, I feel a sudden change in the atmosphere. My body becomes warmer and my pale skin lightens.

This isn't' supposed to be happening. I'm supposed to be dying.

As I frantically search for answers, I notice a speck of white below my falling body. It grows too quickly for me to process. The light becomes blinding as my vision is obscured by the bright light. Before I know it, I'm flung into an entirely blank setting, with nothing to see at the horizon but miles and miles of white.

My falling hair descends to normal position as I hang mid-air with no stable ground. This is most certainly not what I studied in the Torah.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I said politely. I would yell, but I'd rather not make a bad first impression on God. A second goes by as I remain floating in empty space. The experience was almost surreal enough to make me forget why I'm here in the first place.

Almost.

"Hello--"

"Yes, yes, don't get your gorgons in a bunch."

A startled screech escapes my mouth. I search frantically for the origin of the voice with no prevail.

"Up here, darling~"

As I look up, my jaw drops in utter bewilderment. It's a boy. A little boy. With white skin, ivory hair, and pitch-black eyes. He wore a British schoolboy outfit, complete with the ridiculous British cap. As he slowly descends to meet my eyes, I'm caught off guard by a devilish tail poking out from his dark pants.

My heart begins to race as I slowly realize who I'm likely floating in front of. I gently bow my head to him.

"Hello, sir. I'm honored to be in your presence." My heart pulsates against my hardened chest in warranted apprehension. Not once in my life did I expect God to be a child.

"That's all sweet and dandy, honey, but I think you're mistaking me for someone else. You don't greet a devil that way around these parts," he said, visibly struggling to hold back a laugh.

At the word "devil", I feel my eyes widen in fear. I lose all sensation in my legs as my body scrambles to sustain composure.

"What a terrified look! I love it! But it's not what I came here fo--"

"Get away from me!" I exclaimed. Never listen to the devil. He'll guide you astray. Trick you. Torture you. Never believe in him. That's what I was told my whole life. I'm not going to drop it now.

His face adopts a counterfeit smile as he softens his eyes and leans in closer to me.

"Now now, sweetie, there's no reason to--"

"Stop it! I don't want to talk to you! There's nothing you could ever say to make me listen to you, so just leave me alone! I've dealt with enough already. I just want to rest in peace already."

His face is momentarily stunned after my cry, as if what I just said was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. After a moment of surprise, he begins to burst out in laughter.

"What's so funny?" I demanded. I could feel my face flare with anger as my cheeks turned bright red.

"Oh sweetie, you don't have a clue, do you? Tell me something. How do you feel right now?"

I'm taken aback by his question. I feel.....the same. I still feel a heavy pain in the corner of my scalp from the day everything went wrong. The day where I lost all meaning in my life. The day I became depressed.

Nothing's changed. Has it?

The little imp giggles at me as I come to terms with my never-ending despair.

"You see, now, little girl? Death doesn't help you escape from your problems. You won't ever forget a single thing from the human world."

My eyes begin to overflow with tears. Just when I think there's a bright side to having a heart attack, I'm proven wrong. I've lost everything for absolutely no reason. I lost my future. My mother. My friends. My brother. I thought that my problems would dissipate into thin air the moment I left that planet's surface.

What I fool I was. 

My brain pulsates violently, as I began shrieking dementedly at my growing eternal torture. I'll be free from this anguish. 

There's nowhere to run now. There isn't a second afterlife I can flee to now. This is how it was fated to end from the beginning. I always knew I wasn't allowed to be happy. 

I vividly remember the bright, colorful school hallways I would walk through every weekday. It was always deluged of happy, smiling children. I remember hearing them burst into authentic laughter at the slightest stimulus. And yet, it would take several nights of crying myself to sleep in order to feel so much as a speck of joy. When it comes down to it, all of this only proves the one reoccurring thought that haunts me in my sleep.

'Perhaps, I was born to be sad.'