What's Next

Stuck

I love him; I really do love him. I want to believe he'll change, deep down I know he won't. He even expresses to you that he isn't a good boyfriend; and the cute paragraphs here and there, comments on your post, and public affection will never happen. So, why are you still stuck on deciding if you should leave him? You feel insecure and unhappy most of the time because he doesn't give you the love or attention you think you deserve. Is it because you get memorize by all the good memories; but even with those there were bad etched into them. You long for someone to love you but this isn't love. He isn't willing to change for you because you aren't good enough. Maybe he would treat you differently if you had a flat stomach. Maybe it's just you all together that's not good enough for him. He'd probably treat someone like they were a queen if they had a pretty face, perfect body, and a baddie attitude. I'm none of those yet he swears he finds you attractive. He never shows me any other type of affection because to him that too cliche. If I was what he wanted he wouldn't care if things were cliche or not. I've been thinking toxic a lot lately. Saying if I did break up with him then I could just end everything without feeling guilty but then again if he got the news he'd probably feel anger towards me. Why should I care though... He should have put in more effort beforehand. I hate this feeling of emptiness. Life truly is not fair. Everyone screams it'll get better. Yes, it'll get better for a moment; it could for a long time but eventually it goes bad again. I don't know if I could handle it getting bad again. I have always suffered from depression and insecurities and I just want to give up because in the end I turn out disappointed. Maybe that's the answer to why I'm always feeling stuck because I never try to escape life itself.