A Heart of Gold

Chapter 28

He takes one long step and falls into me.

"I'm so sorry... I love you." he mumbles into my cheek. It's not a hug; he's leaning against me so heavily that I have to take a step back to hold him up.

He pulls back and roughly cups my cheeks, squeezing my face a little too tightly. His lips are pressed together and I can see all the words swirling around behind his eyes but he can't push them out of his mouth.

My thoughts are jumbled, too, and my heart is still racing from his scare and I blurt out, "But why are you here? And how did you know..."

Raindrops fall like tears from the ends of his wet curls and drop onto his cheeks. "I just... left," he stumbles, "Came back early. And when I didn't find you at my house, I- well, I knew you'd be here. I need you, Lynn."

His actions are and uncoordinated and desperate as he pulls at the back of my hair and squeezes my shoulders, like he suddenly doesn't know how to touch me or he wants to trap me in this spot. "I'm just so sorry... for being an arse- the things I've said to you 've been running 'round my head and making me sick."

I circle my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder. "I've been so upset."

He lifts my face and his lips cover mine in a kiss that is not gentle and I instinctively shrink back but his mouth is determined and pulls me to him as if chasing me for my forgiveness. I can taste the rain and his tears.

His grip on me is strong but I wrench out of it, "Harry, it's pouring... let's get inside."

He lets me pull him into the house but is immediately on me again. His body language is confusing and making me dizzy; hard and soft. Tender eyes and fierce mouth. Sweet words and aggressive hands.

He holds me against him tightly, his hand pressed between my shoulder blades. He pulls my shirt into his fist and I can feel his fingertips rake welts into my skin. His kiss is greedy and sloppy and his other hand tangles into my hair like he wants to stop me from running away from him. As if I ever could.

I pull back; I need to catch my breath and take it all in. Gently, I trace my finger across his wet and worried forehead and down his cheek, his joyful dimple nowhere to be found. The state he is in worries me and I shake my head, trying to identify and understand the storm of emotions swirling behind his sad eyes.

But he reads my actions as hesitation. "Oh, no love... please don't," and with his thumbs he pulls the corners of my lips from the pout they had formed without my knowledge. A pout that mirrors his. He grasps my shoulders and dives right for the side of my neck where he knows I'm the weakest, sucking and kissing it loudly. "Lynn, I can't be more sorry that I've hurt you," he mumbles into my skin.

He won't release his grip on me so I walk us backwards, trying to steer us to the kitchen island so we can sit down and talk this out but he senses my intention and stiffens. He whines into the humid air and pulls me the opposite way, toward the bedroom. "Please," he whispers.

My stomach flips at the thought of what he has in mind and I can't deny the pull in my gut that his heated kisses have started. I've missed him so badly. I can feel sincerity in his urgency and the hurt I've been feeling is dripping off of me like the water from his clothes.

He is a wreck. I've never seen him this unglued. I know that he's worried about those photos being leaked, but there's got to be more going on in his head for him to lash out so harshly at me. We will get to the bottom of it. Love is not always a bed of roses; weeds sometimes try to spoil the garden and you have to get down on your knees, get some dirt underneath your nails in order to pull them out.