A Heart of Gold

Chapter 26

My eyes open, even though I tell them not to.

Have I slept for an hour or for a couple of days? The creamy walls of Harry's bedroom stare blankly back at me.

My head pounds as if I am hungover. My mouth is dry from crying, my eyes are red and swollen and I'm still sick to my stomach.

My last conversation with Jane creeps back into my consciousness.

"You couldn't have known, dear. Don't blame yourself. Surely Harry doesn't blame you?"

I had avoided her eyes. "No," I lied.

"But you do."

The house is screamingly quiet. Harry's absence fills this space. And worse than the threat of those awful photos coming to light is the memory of the angry words he threw around this very room. We've never hurt each other before.

I drag myself to sitting and let my legs hang listlessly over the side of the bed. I don't know what to do with myself today. We were supposed to be on a mini vacation, so I'm not due at work. The house is spotless, so there's nothing to clean. I climb into the huge shower again and stare at the glass tiles, imagining all the terrible ways this all can end until my eyes blur and the water goes cold.

On the deck off the bedroom I watch the birds swoop at the surf as I brush my fingers through my wet hair. The ocean air smells just as it should and the breeze is warm, but none of it comforts me. Even the steady waves cannot soothe my aching head.

I wanted the shower to wash these stains off my heart but as hard as I tried I could not scrub the guilt from beneath my fingernails or the sorrow off my skin.

Turning, I lean back against the metal railing to take in this enormous house, with its tall wispy palm trees above and the gorgeous infinity pool below, and sigh deeply. What does any of this even matter? Will he lose it all? God, what about his friends- the band, and the rest of his team? The ripple effect of this disaster could be devastating to so many more people.

A rustling on the grounds below makes my skin prickle and I whip my head toward it. I squint and search the brush for its source, beads of sweat instant on my hairline, but see nothing.

I have to get out of here.

*

I dial Jane's direct line and am surprised that she's actually in her office and answers on the first ring.

"Hi, Jane."

"Lynn! You were on my 'To Do' list for today, how are you?"

I sigh. "Miserable, going crazy here at home. I know that you and Harry planned for me to be out for a few days, but... things have changed and I'd like to come back early. Like tomorrow."

"Oh, Lynn, that's not necessary," she tsks. "Take some time for yourself. I imagine this bombshell is taking its toll on the both of you."

"It is, which is why I need to get back to work."

She continues as if she didn't hear me. "Your substitute is booked for this week and maybe even beyond, she's doing a great job..."

My spine stiffens at the mention of 'beyond,' but I don't stop her.

"... and Jennifer jumped right in to take over for you after school- I told her you'd be out for a little while. She's concerned. She's a dear friend, you know."

"I know, she's been texting me." I look at my feet, feeling slightly guilty for avoiding her. "I just told her that I'm sick." I am nauseous with the thought of telling her.