Pretty Boy [bxb] | ✔️

• Chapter forty-nine: This is pathetic

𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙘

Trigger warning: panic attack

Kenzie's eyes widen when she realises that I'm struggling to breathe properly. I'm about to have a panic attack, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it from happening.

I run out the classroom and into the disabled toilets which are right next to it, locking the door. Hunched over the sink, I try to even out my breathing, but it's no use. Blood is pounding in my ears, and the ringing noise that was there before increases in sound. I look up at myself in the mirror above the sink and find that my vision is blurry. Tears fill my eyes again.

Oh please no.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Why the fuck do people fake this, thinking that it's quirky? It's torture. So much torture.

Stop stop stop stop

I'm hyperventilating now. My chest hurts, my heart is thrumming heavily against my ribs, my palms are drenched in sweat which causes my hold on the sink to slip paired with how shaky my hands are. My stomach churns, bile rises in my throat, and all I want right now is Alex.

Alex. Where's Alex? I need Alex.

Alex, Alex, Alex. Always Alex.

I feel so cold.

I hadn't realised that I am sobbing until my face begins to hurt from it. It only causes me to feel like I am choking, which makes the trying to breathe properly thing even harder.

I rush to the toilet and empty my guts.

Why did this happen? I just want my best friend back, but now she's gone and thinks I'm a whore and a snowflake and hates my boyfriend and hates me too and will only come back if I break up with Alex and I'm never going to have her as a friend again. I always had the feeling of dread in the back of my mind, a voice telling me that everything will go to shit, but I never thought it would be true.

This is nothing to have a panic attack about yet I am having a panic attack in school in a disabled toilet which is totally selfish of my because I'm not disabled and shouldn't be in here. I also shouldn't be overreacting like this, Cami's correct on the snowflake part, and I'm going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life, though. My pills can only do so much and it sucks. I just want it to stop.