DARK DEEDS

35

“YOU SHOULD NOT talk to people like that.” I tell Salvatore as he shuts the door and locks it. “It is not nice.”

“It is also not nice to lie, especially for the people who I know for a fact murdered my family.” He shouts at me as he turns around. I take a step back; startled if not scared.

He takes a step towards me, cupping my cheeks between the palm of his warm hands.

“Did those Russians threaten you, Carina. Is that it? You can trust me. I will keep you safe.” He reassures me as he look into my eyes.

I melt there and then but remind myself that he cannot keep me from prison. At least not when he sees the video and thinks I murdered Candle; his once and perhaps still love of his life.

He was engaged to be married to her and despite their break up, I do not believe that he moved past her that quickly.

On top of that, I should not forget what I saw that day in his office. It feels like so much time has passed since then but that was this week; right after he took my virginity.

He cannot love me. At least not as much as he loved her. Not as much as I love him.

I do not doubt that I was or still am just a passing fantasy to and for him. Something young, and freshly baked to keep his bed warm at night.

I make up my mind there and then and decide to keep up with the lie. It is for my own good.

To strengthen my resolve, I run through all the reasons I have every right to lie to him without feeling guilty:

1. HE KILLED MY MOTHER.

2. HE WAS NOT SORRY ABOUT IT.

3. HE KISSED CANDLE IN HIS OFFICE AFTER TAKING MY VIRGINITY AND WALKING OUT ON ME.

4. HE USED ME.

5. HE DOES NOT LOVE ME.

“No one threatened me Salvatore. If that was the case those Russians would not have returned me.” I respond after a brief moment of consideration. He lets out a breath.

“Fine but if I discover that all this is a lie — You are dead to me.” He concludes before he walks off to the bathroom.

I let out a breath as I walk on over to the double bed and sit on the blue covers. I take off the heels and peel the uncomfortable red dress off of me.

I then slide into the sheets and move to the far end of the bed. I shut my eyes to the small room but sleep never finds me.

All I think about is the lie and how I justified it in my head. I was wrong for that and besides — If he does not love me like I am led to believe, for what reason did he save me? He would have let me rot there for death or worse but he did not. Why?

The question lingers in my mind even when he comes out of the bathroom. I want to ask but instead I become as stiff as a board; pretending to be fast asleep. More so, when he switches off the lights and slides in next to me.

The thunder rumbles some more before the rain strikes the roof hard, and the lightening flashes behind the curtain like the paparazzi.