Vent🌌

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So, I guess it about time I fill y'all in on what's going on. I'll be talking about the hospital, current issues and abuse. Viewer discretion is advised. 

So I was having a really hard time with my parents at home, and it started affecting my school work, putting more pressures on me at home. Kind of like a viscous cycle really. So, one night after a very hard fight, I really couldn't do it anymore. I took my blade and slit up and down my wrists, a total of ten on my left wrist, four on my right wrist. 

Long story short my parents found out. 

I was emitted to Tucker's, a psychiatric ward for teens. It's not like what you see in the movies.

The walls were nutral tans blues and greens, with hardwood floors. This place is located in a hospital, but holds a comforting feel. I was there for eight days. The people there are very nice, we got to do whatever we wanted. Want a nap? Go ahead. Feel like drawing? Go ahead! Snacks were usually ice cream, crackers, anything you really wanted. The lunches were very nice, grilled chicken and salad was one of my favs, but you could order whatever you wanted. They even had sodas and a dessert menu! 

They had a gym you would go to once a day and do whatever you wanted. They also had therapy  dogs that came in twice a week, one for snuggles, one for playing games like fetch. We even had a t.v. We usually watched Cartoon Network, we have control of the t.v. We even got to play wii! 

I mean yeah, there was clothes restrictions, like nothing with strings. But it's really comfortable there. So I went and I got antidepressants and anxiety meds. 

I got another psych test, with actual results. 

I have major depression, an anxiety disorder, attention and focus difficulty, verbal and visual memorization difficulty, and checked 10 of the 13 boxes needed to be diagnosed with ADHD. 

Basically I'm one big walking mental disorder. 

I got a new therapist to, I like her, she's nice. 

On the 24th was the 2month anniversary with my boyfriend. 

My stepmom and I had a huge fight after I got home from the hospital. She said my body language was violent, so she grabbed my by the hair and pulled me back. I screamed out and grabbed her hand to make her let go. 

She thought I was going to hit her, so she restrained me, leaving bruises that lasted 3 weeks. She called me a psycho, a bird, told me I was the problem in the house. And I stood by and took it. I told her to go fuck herself. I got threatened with a call to the police. 

Anyways...yeah. 

So my meds are like a fucking mountain. 

I take antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, mood stabilizers, and sleeping pills because INSOMNIA. I take allergy pills too. 

So yeah. Depression and anxiety is a bitch. 

One of my friends moved away so that's shit. 

My other really close one is moving soon. 

I'll be alone but it's ok. 

I really miss my old friends, and I think some of them don't like me anymore. 

I stopped cutting! I've been clean since I got out the hospital in January! 

So yeah, just an update so you know what's up. Feel free to ask any questions in the comments, or dm me, I am down to answer any and all questions. 

Happiness is an illusion darling