The Broken~> Narry Au(Slow updates)(boyxboy)

Chapter one- Forget

"Sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun."
~2Pac

The walls seemed to close up on me consuming me in the pure darkness they had to offer. The pain unbearable to even live with, did anyone even understand what I was going through? That my tears were endless everyday, that each day it got harder to take one breath of air, this hopeless feeling I feel like I had drowned in water suffocating, that I felt so alone even if Zayn and Liam were by my side, that a simple silver sharp blade could make me feel so good but yet the buzz disappears in minutes, that drugs and alcohol were the only things I turned to not caring that they were killing me slowly without my realization, and how much I needed Harry back, but now that he's returned I just want to run to the nearest bridge that could possibly take my life.

Its been four days since I discovered Harry had moved back, four days that cuts roam my body; I'm rarely home anymore. I've spent most of my time at club's getting wasted, high off of any club drug I could get, and waking up in a strangers bed completely naked the next morning. Liam and Zayn had been too caught up in work and planning their wedding they barely realized I was home. Once they get married my plans to leave and find a new place to call home. Zayn and Liam are planning to start a family; looking for places to adopt. They didn't need me there; a bad influence, I was better off alone. Maybe once I was gone everyone could finally be happy and stop worrying about a waste of space like me.

Every now and then I wondered how would nights be if I didn't cry? Didn't cut, or get intoxicated; have drugs enter my system, and sleep with random strangers every night. Would I be fine? I had a sudden urge to go back home to Ireland and see if I could be sane again. But I was afraid to see my family; the worried expressions, leaving everyone behind in London. I didn't have the heart to hurt any one else.

I had grown tiered of the deep hurt Harry had left when he disappeared, that I can feel so insecure and fragile just knowing he was back. I had craved to see him again, just to know the state of mind he was in. But I was terrified to face the ugly truth. Deep down I knew Harry was perfectly fine; maybe he has some one new. I imagined a stunning girl by his side cuddled up in his arms while his hand traced small circles on a baby bump, smiling proudly because he was soon to be a dad. A tear slid down from my pale eye before many more followed in its trail; as more images of Harry crossed my mind.

My breathing became rapid as more tears fell violently, my hands coming up to my hair tugging at it in frustration. I rocked back and forth trying to stop the tears from falling but it only made a sob leave my cracked lips. My fist came in contact with the wall next to me; my fist colliding inside the wall. I sob louder as my frustration only grows stronger; pulling my fist out of the wall. It gets harder to breath and it feels that I'm about to black out, but it never comes. I stand with shaky legs from my position on the floor holding onto the wall so I don't fall. I try to calm down to regain my breathing thinking about anything that wasn't Harry. In slow ragged breaths my breathing began to return to normal but my tears stayed falling from my eyes.

Hesitantly I grab my sweater off my bed, checking that the money was still there. I take my lighter off my cherry wood desk before I hurry out of the flat into the dark chilly night of London. Tonight would be another simple night of drinking and entering drugs in my system to numb all my emotions for a while. I knew tomorrow morning Zayn and Liam would set up another session with my therapist which would end up in failure. He couldn't help me, I was too mentally and emotionally wrecked that pathetically enough Harry was the only one who could save me from myself. But he wasn't there he wasn't going to save me, I was going to end up drowning in my own suffering.

The streets were busy with traffic and loud honks of horns from impatient drivers filled the almost quiet night. People roamed the side walks laughing and talking about anything and everything that came to mind. I watched everyone with stone cold eyes as I passed serval people who tried to send a friendly smile my way. I was eager to get my hands on alcoholic beverages that'd help me forget tonight. I knew tomorrow I'd remember the pain stinging memory of Harry like I always did. Yet I didn't care I just wanted to be numb.

I walked inside the shop scurrying to my craving. My hands quickly grabbing the tequila and vodka bottles I came across to wanting. I ignored the many shocked expressions coming from customers in the store; hurrying to the cash register. "Another one of those nights?" Ian asked as he scanned my collection of alcohol.

In response I simply nod. Ian always saw me come in here almost every night buying alcohol. He never asked questions, which I was thankful for. After I payed and left the store I began to walk to the oh so familiar house that I usually hung out to drink and consume drugs.

Colorful Christmas lights decorated the two story house illuminating the forest. Lights were turned on in certain parts of the house, signaling people were inside. I pulled out the spare key from the small house plant; opening the front door. I stepped inside the house feeling the warmness of the heater hit me. I heard a relaxing EDM song blast throughout the house followed by chatter and laughter. The usual people I found here and become close to were sprawled out on the leather couches and some on the soft plush carpet. Smoke filled the room as a blunt was passed around the group. "Niall's here!" Rager squealed with a giggle. Everyone's attention turned to me as they all began to greet me and signal me over to sit with them.

I sat comfortably on the purple bean bag chair next to Ashton, grabbing the joint in his hands; inhaling the toxic smoke in my lungs. I smiled contently as I exhaled the smoke making shapes with it. I had always come to this house when the club didn't feel welcoming or I had simply wanted to relax. I remember when two years ago I had mindlessly walked into the woods. I had just ran from Zayn and Liam's flat after Zayn had told me I was acting immature and needed to grow up. To stop being dependent on everyone to always save me from myself. His words stung and hurt terribly since he did have a point. I wanted to get away and the pub and club didn't seem welcoming at the time. As I walked deeper and deeper into the woods I came across this house. It looked brand new like it had just been built, the smell of fresh paint roamed the air. Without thinking I walked inside thinking the place was abandoned but I found several people here decorating and setting up.

They had told me they had wanted a place where they could escape to whenever life got tough. So they built a house in the forest where no one would find it. They welcomed me to come here any time I wanted and I did. Zayn and Liam never knew about this place and still don't. They assume I'm always at a club or pub to forget everything. But I had a second home that made me feel protected and safe.

We all had a story that made us run here to a house in the forest. A story that broke us into pieces and made us take a path to bad decisions. We were like an emotionally messed up family but it didn't matter we all cared for one another. "We haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" Ashton asked taking a gulp from his beer.

I sighed taking another long drag from the joint in my fingers. Avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. "Worser then before... I found out that he moved back to London."

"Niall I'm so sorry. Have you seen him around?" Nicole looked genuinely curious as she eyed me.

"No." Was my simple response hoping no more questions came my way. Gladly they dropped the subject understanding I was no longer comfortable with the conversation.

I laid back in the bean bag chair staring at the plain white ceiling; sipping from the vodka bottle in my hands. I was more then ready to erase Harry's memory tonight and forget he existed to cause so much pain. I sometimes wished I had never met Harry. I could still have been happy on my own, I could have been fine and in a better path then I am now. I could have still been the same Niall I used to be, but I sadly lost him in my own darkness; my demons.

Eyeing the vodka bottle in my hands I knew I needed to become numb. I began gulping down the alcoholic beverage, soon blacking out.
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First chapter :D

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~Katie xx