The Broken~> Narry Au(Slow updates)(boyxboy)

Chapter Three- Insane

Listen to the song above it goes with this chapter c:

ALSO A TRIGGER WARNING THERE WILL BE A SELF HARM SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER BUT IT IS TOWARDS THE END
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"Just because its happening in your head, doesn't make it any less painful..." ~R. H. SIN

"I hate you I love you I hate that I want you."

The song echoed through out the empty house. The creamy gray wall lost in a daze as smoke clouds covered the small room. Bean bag chairs sat in the corner colorless and lonely, a tribal carpet lays on the cold wooden floor ; dull like the blue in my eyes, speakers stand on the other corner of the wall colors spark from the lights, and Christmas lights hang around the walls to fake the happiness one wishes could be felt in their chest. I sigh shakily letting more tears run down my face.

"You want her you need her and I'll never be her."

Pictures are scattered in front of me; all of Harry. Those long chocolate curls adorning his face, those ever green forest colored eyes I loved so much stared back at me; reminding me he was no longer by my side. How cold my skin felt at night because I no longer had his arms wrapped around me to protect me from the demons that watch me sleep. His smile showed itself off bragging about how it no longer belonged to me, nor that I was the reason behind it. Those pink plump lips that belonged to him would no longer be pressed against mine, they mocked me every time he licked them or slid his thumb across them. His laughter that could light up an entire city became harsh as I would never be able to hear it.

"I miss you when I can't sleep or right after coffee or right when I can't eat. I miss you in my front seat still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don't remember. Do you miss me like I miss you?"

Sobs accompanied the song playing from the speakers in the small room. My hands hovered over the pictures scattered in front of me; choosing wisely. Finally my glacier like hands picked up a picture of Harry and I at our favorite cafe where we ate breakfast mostly every morning on the weekends. I had taken this picture after we had decided that cafe would be our little place. His shoulder touched me I could remember the heat of his body, his green eyes looked at me as they crinkled to the ends because his smile was so big, he looked at me as if I was his entire world. I simply smiled just as big as I looked at the camera. Its like I could remember how it felt to be happy with some one I loved; still love. I clutched the picture against my chest and cried loudly as memories relived in my mind.

"If you wanted me you would just say so and if I were you I would never let me go I don't mean no harm I just miss you on my arm wedding bells were just alarms caution tape around my heart"

It was almost impossible to breath as my cries became harder. My chest closing up tightly, reminding me how miserable my pain was. My body almost limp as I crashed to the floor curling up into a pathetic ball of damage. I had lost everything I lost him, my family, even my own home. Zayn and Liam hung by a thread I knew they were losing hope. After Michael had told them of my attempted suicide, they could barely comprehend my intentions. If they were just Harry or something they had done wrong. Zayn has been a wreck constantly calling me making sure I'm still alive because I haven't been home in a week; begging, insisting I come home. Liam has been just as distraught as Zayn asking where I was, why I wasn't at Michael's or Louis'. They were worried I knew, but they were getting tired of worrying; I could see it in their eyes.

"When love and trust are gone I guess this is moving on. Everyone I do right does me wrong so every lonely night, I sing this song

I hate you I love you I hate that I love you. Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you. I hate you I love you I hate that I want you."