The Chronicles of Kate

Chapter 15

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even cry. I just watched him walk away. It was all I could do not to run home, grab a knife, and end everything once and for all. I was an idiot to believe he actually wanted me to marry him. I should’ve listened to Jackie when I had the chance, I realized. Now, she would probably rub it in my face when she found out. If she found out, that is.

    Of course, Jackie was the first to notice my mood change. She guessed right away.

    “He dumped you, didn’t he?”

    I nodded and burst into tears. Jackie cradled my head against her shoulder and stroked my hair. She didn’t rub it in my face. She didn’t make any snide remarks, like “I told you so”, or “You should have listened to me”. She just tried to soothe me. “Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s alright. I'm here for you.” Mike and Bella cast sympathetic glances my way, but neither mad a move to comfort me. Which didn’t matter, since they hadn’t gone through breakups yet and had no idea what it was like for your heart to be mercilessly smashed into tiny fragments that not even superglue could mend. Only Jackie shared my pain.

    I was broken, battered, and defeated. I felt like I had no purpose anymore. Nothing mattered, except him. He had been everything to me, and I had let him slip through my fingers like silk. It was going to take a long time for this to mend – if it ever did, that is. 

    “Tell you what,” Jackie burst out. “We’ll go for Slurpee’s to try and cheer you up. Sound good?”

    I wiped my eyes. “Yeah.”

    “Alright, then. Let’s go!” She grabbed her keys.

    Forty-five minutes later, we were slurping down the icy goodness, and I felt a lot better. I had almost forgotten about Jacob because of my friends. I was grateful that they had made this valiant attempt to lift my spirits. Maybe my heart would heal. True, I had given him everything, but he hadn’t, so it wasn’t my fault. There was no use beating myself up over nothing. 

   

    Jackie dropped me off at my house later that night. My mother met me at the door. “Have fun?” she queried.

    “Yeah,” I answered shakily.

    “Okay, then. Dinner’s ready.”

    I tramped up the stairs, washed my hands, and returned down the stairs. I took a sniff. Hamburger Helper – my favorite! 

    I ran to the table, plopped down, and started shoving the cheesy, beefy goodness down my throat at the speed of light. Mom gave me an odd look.

    “Hungry, are we?” She laughed.

    “You know I love cheeseburger macaroni, Mom,” I said with a mouthful.

    “You always have, ever since you were little.”

    “Exactly!” I finished eating and rinsed off my plate. I saw the little shiny bowl on the counter and remembered who it belonged to. My heart sank. There would never be another dog like her.

    I sighed and went up to my room. I sat at my desk and stared at the picture we took together – a week before she was killed. Her tail was in mid-wag, and she had a happy glint in her little eyes. 

    I found my cheeks wet with tears. I didn’t bother to brush them away. I just let them fall, one after the other.

    I cried because once again, I was lonely, with no one to love; no dog, and no boyfriend.

 I still saw him at school, but with this other girl that I assumed was in his grade. He seemed happier with her than he was with me. Figures, I was “just” a freshman to him. Juniors, it seemed, had different tastes. I steadily ignored him in my English class, as did he. This went on for about fourmonths.

    One day, we were in the middle of a lesson, and all of a sudden he leaned over and whispered, “I'm single now.”

    I didn’t respond. I frankly didn’t care. He could burn in hell for all I cared about him.

    “Did you hear me? I said, I'm single now.”

    I turned to face him. “Go die in a hole, Jacob,” I shot back.

    Hurt flashed in his eyes. “Jeez, Kate, calm down. I was just trying to start a conversation.”

    “Yeah, well,” I retorted, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

    “Fine.” He shrugged and turned back to the front.

    I felt bad after a while, but as I was about to apologize, the bell rang. Swift as a fox, he got up and left before I could even take a breath. Was he really going to be a jerk to me forever? I was willing to forgive him for breaking my heart. Couldn’t he see that? Well, no, because I was an ass to him just then, I realized. I resolved to formally apologize next time I saw him. 

    Well, I didn’t see him. Not for two whole weeks. I was worried when he didn’t show up in my English class. Had something happened to him? Was he sick? I still cared about the guy, but, actually, I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to forgive him for dumping me yet. He still had a lot of ground to make up before we could be true friends again. My heart still ached. Then I realized – he might be skipping because of me. He probably doesn’t want to see me after I snapped at him. That was understandable. He was sensitive, after all.

    That night I lay awake and wondered where my life was going. I had lost someone close to me, and we had only dated for three months and been “engaged” for two. I was lonely and afraid. It was only a matter of time before something else happened that would negatively influence me. 

    Suddenly I thought of what they say in The Hunger Games before President Snow chooses the representatives of each district: May the odds be ever in your favor. Well, they sure as hell weren’t now. I didn’t know if they ever would be beyond this point. Only time would tell.