Bag of Bones (Larry Stylinson)

9

But first, open up a window for me
And let the cool air in, feel the night slip in
As it softly glides along your back

      Kissing Harry was always a simple thing for Louis. It was like no matter how fast his heart fluttered or how utterly enamored he was with the boy, kissing him always melted his surroundings away until it was just him and Harry and the air between them. It was like his mind gave up perceiving the universe he was in to fall into the universe of Harry, completely investing all of his senses to only acknowledge Harry from the moment their lips touched. That's how kissing Harry always was.
      Louis had always assumed that's what kissing must have been since Harry was the first person he ever really kissed. Sure, he had a few pecks as a kid and a preteen, but he had never truly kissed someone until Harry came along and decided to sweep him off of his feet with his curly hair and deep dimples.
      Kissing Marcus now, though, Louis finally understands that kissing isn't the same as kissing Harry. Kissing becomes an entirely different thing when he does it with Harry, the world fading around him to enhance the boy in front of him. As he makes out with Marcus on the bed, however, the world becomes startlingly more noticeable the more he tries to lose himself in the kiss.
      Bringing his arms up around the man's neck like before, he tries to make this feel right, he tries to make the world fade away and his heart flutter like it always did with Harry. It doesn't work though, making him even more aware of his surroundings from the hum of the air conditioner in the distance to the way the covers of the bed rubs against the bare skin of his ankles. It makes his heart rate pick up but in a stinging way rather than a fluttering way.
      Louis can feel himself becoming too warm as the kiss goes on and the shards dig deeper and deeper into his guts, overheating him to the point where he has to break away.
      "I'm overheated," Louis breathes out, keeping his hands hooked around Marcus' neck since he doesn't know what else to do with them.
      "Really?" Marcus questions with a glint somehow in his eyes despite the dark room. A smile spreads across his face before speaking again. "Maybe taking your clothes off would help with that overheating problem."
      Louis freezes once again, probably accidentally gripping the back of Marcus' neck too firmly. He knows that Marcus is just being charming and witty, it's clear to him that this is obviously flirting given their situation, but the situation hasn't become quite as clear to him until now. They were really going down this route.
      Like earlier, he must have known that this was going to happen when he led Marcus to his bedroom. That was no mystery to him, but now that it's come time to do it, the situation is sinking in in an entirely different way. Louis finds himself blankly staring up at Marcus as his head throbs and his heart pounds in his ears.
      This isn't cheating; he's already established that to himself when they first kissed, but that claim kept feeling weaker and weaker as things went on and the more he kept thinking of Harry during this. His skin is burning, his head is pounding, and the more he tries to think this over while looking up at Marcus, the more fuzzy his vision becomes.
      So with no more thought, Louis wordlessly nods his head and goes to sit up to take his shirt off in a desperate attempt to stop his overheating, to stop thinking about Harry.
      As Louis brings his hands down to tug his shirt over his head, though, Marcus stops him and looks sincerely into his eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this? You look uncertain. We don't have to if you don't want to."
      Marcus is being incredibly kind and understanding even though he has no grasp of Louis' situation, and he's giving Louis time to think about his decision, which is more than what most men would do.
      But Louis doesn't want to think anymore, he doesn't want to focus on how alone he is, on how Harry doesn't feel like his boy anymore, on the sick feeling in his stomach, on his overheated skin or his pounding head. He's doing this because he doesn't want to think about all of this shit going on in his life right now.
      So, he shakes his head no over and over again as he tugs his shirt off, revealing more tattoos to Marcus that he doesn't want to think about either. "No, no; I want to do this," he reassures him after he peels his shirt off.
      He pulls at the hem of Marcus' shirt, urging him to do the same and undress, and once he gets the message, he proceeds to pull his sweatpants off until he's only left in his boxers. Noticing Louis' increase in speed of undressing, Marcus struggles to keep up, tugging his tight jeans off from his legs before returning to being above Louis again.
      "See?" he says although he was caught off guard by Louis' sudden actions just moments earlier. "I told you getting your clothes off would help you not overheat."
      The problem is that he's wrong; Louis' skin is still burning for some reason as he now lays hardly dressed under the darker muscular man. He doesn't have any time to correct him, though, as Marcus dives back into the kiss with more passion than before, one of his hands now resting on Louis' bare side as his thumb rubs over his ribs.
      Louis tries to return the enthusiasm of the kiss, wrapping his arms around his bare back now rather than his neck, tracing his nails up and down the expanse of it to illicit a groan out of the other man. Soon enough, their hips start to move together, Louis trying to follow Marcus' lead. He feels like his lungs are being crushed, but he ignores the feeling by digging his nails deeper into Marcus' back, causing the other man to bite his bottom lip in response.
      For some reason, this feels like Louis' first time no matter how many times he's actually done it with Harry. This seems like new territory, causing him to be tentative and unsure despite his experience. Marcus starts trailing his hand down from Louis' ribbed side to the waistband of his underwear, and his skins burns in wake of where his hand travels. Right as Marcus' hand is about to delve under the band, Louis gives into the stabbing in his gut and pulls away.
      "What is it? Do you want to stop?" Marcus immediately asks, raising himself off of Louis to analyze his face and see his reaction. Louis's glad that he somehow found the sweetest hookup of all time; it makes this a lot more bearable for him.
      "N-no, I'm just still really hot," Louis admits, not being able to handle the sweat already trailing down his body. "Do you think that you could maybe open the balcony door a bit? Just to let some cool air in?"
      Marcus looks down at him with a confused look in his eyes before responding. "Yeah, yeah, sure. You must run hot because it's a bit cool in here already," he comments, bringing himself off of Louis in order to go open up the balcony door a sliver.
      Louis doesn't run hot is the thing. During the cold weather, it was an unsaid rule for Harry to bring an extra jacket if he didn't want to give his own up because Louis always ended up shivering. Harry would try to make him wear a jacket out, but he always refused by saying that the weather was fine. He lied to himself most of the time in the past just because he liked having an excuse to wear Harry's jackets, but he does know deep down that he's colder than the average person.
      So Louis doesn't run hot, but right now his skin feels like it's burning as he's laying in the bed, fidgeting with the sheets and his surroundings in order to take his mind off of it, off of what he's about to do. He's burning from the guilt, burning from how overwhelming this is, burning with loss, burning with pain; he's burning from so much and he's just hoping that some cool air will resolve all of the problems waging inside of him.
      Before he can think over it much more, Marcus is back with his cool skin and gentle smile, getting back into the bed with Louis. They continued to kiss, Louis thinking more about the proper way to kiss someone than what else was going on for the first time in his life. The kissing continued until both men were out of their underwear and progressed more, both of their groans filling the air.
      While the other man rhythmically pushed into him, though, Louis found himself calming his breathing by focusing on the cool air caressing his bare calves. Holding onto the broader man, Louis found his mind wandering away from what was currently happening, thinking over how every push made the shards in his stomach push in deeper to his guts as well to thinking of Harry's broad shoulders. Though he was supposed to be coming undone by Marcus, Louis found himself falling apart an entirely different way, his head throbbing and his breathing choked with every push as he couldn't stop thinking of Harry.
      Marcus talked to him mindlessly as it went on, mumbling random phrases from how hot Louis was to how he was perfect for him. Louis tried to cut off his claims by tugging on his hair, not being able to hear stranger's voice ramble to him how he was perfect for him when he was offering the most vulnerable part of himself.
      Louis was startlingly silent as it went on, only letting out a few huffs or a sparse groan every now and then. He was too focused on his breathing to lose himself in the moment. He was too afraid of Harry's name instinctually falling out of his lips to ever open his mouth. So he just encouraged Marcus through tugs to the hair or dragging his nails down his back particularly hard.
      It ended soon enough, making Louis feel relieved in a way he hadn't felt before as Marcus finally fell from on top of him to his side. Louis had given him his consent, he had wanted it to happen, and it felt consensual too, but it also felt purely out of necessity. None of it was done out of love or true passion, just off of Louis' necessity of needing to get Harry off of his mind and off of Marcus' need to get off.
      Louis bitterly thought over how it did the exact opposite of what he wanted, making him think of Harry more than he usually did. Envisioning Marcus as Harry is what made him finish in the end, not being able to find any other way to get off. It was twisted and messed up, and it made Louis feel weaker and sicker than before.
      As Louis laid in bed with Marcus sleepily holding him from behind, he wished that he never thought of that damned piece of crumpled paper in the random bathroom drawer. He'd much rather sleep on opposite sides of the bed with Harry than be cuddled by a near stranger, yet he found himself stuck in the latter situation. And as he feels Marcus' drawn out breath hit the back of his neck as the man slept, Louis wonders if he'll ever be able to stop thinking about Harry.