Always Forever

le creusement

It felt like years and years after Simon's sudden death, when in all actuality it was only about two months. Time drawled on at an impossible rate, making it seem like each pin drop of sand in an hourglass was a millennium. Throughout the duration of two months both Piggy and Ralph were quite shocked and very distraught. How could he kill himself? Why didn't we prevent it somehow? Why didn't he tell us he was feeling like this?

Ralph couldn't help but feel like it was his fault, Piggy felt that uncanny resemblance of emotion as well but Ralph's was more prominent.

Ralph knew Simon since they were both young. God how old was Simon? Not even a year older than him? He was fucking 18 years old and took his life? Why? Why would he do something so dumb? He loved that kid!

Ralph couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat and he couldn't focus on schoolwork. His best friend of most of his life took his own life. What was he supposed to do? To look forward to?

Jack? Yes! Jack would help him for sure!

Jack as always was pleased to see Ralph but seemed tentative when around anywhere really public, like someone was watching them or something. It felt...Off.

Something was definitely wrong and Ralph was going to find out. He didn't check up on Simon. That's why he's gone now. It was all his fault.

Stupid STUPID STUPID

He felt like pulling his hair out, his skin itched with a feeling of nowhere near dissipating anxiety. If he was to stay awake at night he would find a reason other than his mind to stay up.

The town they lived in was bleak and pitch black at night. The early morning was just as eerie and discouraging as the day. The night of the town let the blinking lights of late night restaurants and convenience stores shine through like a blinding beacon. His job. HIS JOB! He would go there but he dreaded going near that place unless it was for a shift. Being peppy was hard to do when your world was crumbling apart.

He was lost in his thoughts. He barely noticed a pair of eyes watching him like a hawk. He barely noticed himself slip and have his head be thrown towards the brick wall he was slumping against.

"You."
"..Me?"

"Stay. Away. From. Jack." It was the short black-haired accomplice Ralph saw Jack avoiding

"What? Who are you?"

"I'm Jack's boyfriend, that's who."

A pin drop of silence shattered the last speck of calmness Ralph held within himself

"Wh-what do you mean..I.. you.. Jack.."

"I always knew you were an airhead, now you're finally showing your true colors."

Tears slipped out of the blonde boy's eyes like tiny wet pearls of agony.

"Hey, c'mon real men don't cry!" The noirette pushed Ralph again, Ralph was already off balance so him getting pushed again led to him falling on his ass on the cold dirty asphalt.

He let out a wail.

Everything was falling apart, like God used His sharp steel scissors to snip away the very fabric of his being. His best friend was dead. His grades were slipping. Jack was already dating someone else.

He gripped his hair and curled himself into a ball, screaming his lungs out in the barren alleyway where he was lying.

The noirette tsked and slipped away in the darkness. He was part of the darkness. Or maybe he drew the darkness in wherever he went. Regardless he left and Ralph could finally breathe again.

How was it that being in that guy's presence held a vice grip on his lungs? He couldn't breathe and he felt nauseous, well now he knew why.

He scrubbed his face, got up from the ground and ran to his house. He didn't walk. He ran like he didn't care if he lived or died. He ran without any care of looking before crossing the road. He slipped, fell on a patch of grass, got up and kept running until he reached his house. All the lights were out.

He entered the house, went into the shower with all of his clothes on and cried. He cried because he knew no one could see his vulnerability in there. A safe place.

Waking up was no difference to his feelings. He doesn't remember getting dressed in pajamas and going to bed but he guesses that was an autopilot to his actions.

His eyes felt raw and it hurt to open his eyes. He went to school and didn't greet anyone he saw. Piggy was worried but didn't say anything, he was feeling the grief of Simon's death too.

"Hey! Woah dude you look like shit!" Maurice ran up to Ralph, patting him on the back

Ralph just looked at him with death in his eyes

"Not now, Maurice." He brushed past the brunette and sifted through the school until he could find a certain redhead.

"Hey love, how's it hanging?"

"How long." Ralph spat out

"What? Ralph, what are you talking about?"

"How long have you been with that other boy?"

"What other boy? Ralph what's going on?"

"THE BOY WITH THE BLACK HAIR! THE SHORT ONE!" Ralph screamed, people were starting to look peaking in on the drama and Jack quickly sneered at them, efficiently shooing them off.

"Hey, let's go somewhere else to talk about this, huh?"

Ralph exhaled sharply through his nose and agreed but held in as many tears as he could when looking at the wearing and tearing rope of hope left.

"What do you mean?"

"Who is that boy with the black hair, is he your boyfriend too? What are we then?"

"Huh? Roger? He's nothing he was just a one night stand-"

"YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?" Ralph pulled his hands over his eyes and breathed trying not to look at Jack. It was too painful to look at him.

"We have been together for a while now and we haven't done anything, now you're telling me you slept with this guy you may or may not have been dating while being with me at the same time? I'm done. Jack this is too much I can't bear looking at you. This? This thing we have going on? It's done."

"I'm done."

Ralph turned away and left the school, not caring about grades anymore, he finally let tears run down his cheeks when the voice of Jack calling after him faded away.