It all began in the June. To forget my horrible yet painful friendship in real life. I decided to "run away" from reality. It was my first time roleplaying at this place... it was small yet it was nice. All of us are close to each other, and all of us are actually talking to each other. No one was left out. We joke together, we laugh together, we share happiness together, we also share sadness together. Then, I met an amazing girl who happen to be my first love (plus she happens to be my bias pmsl) at first, i didn't know much about her, and we argue quite a lot cause of certain someone (but she's like my baby sister and le ex gf don't really get along with her) you know what they say? you will understand your partner better if you have been through all this arguments and hard times. She was like my other half, she was there for me when i was in my worse. I had great rp friends, and a great rp girlfriend. i could spend many hours just tweeting with them. It brings me joy. And also! The night gang. Me, Yongguk, Hara and Hyosung plus a mean girl who's always stalking (?) us (haha you don't need to know) We basically talks about nonsense stuff, and stuffs we shouldn't talk about. I would stay up late, and talk craps with them because 4/5 of us would be in TL only... Spamming XD
Well, that happiness didn't last forever. Old members left, or just dissappeared in thin air. New members joined, but they aren't really friendly or talk much. All of us grew distant. Some of them are in hiatus, or just deact without saying goodbye. And then, my girlfriend told me she wanted to leave the rp family, and go solo because she thinks it doesn't suits her anymore. I didn't want her to feel lonely, i left with her. When i left, i realized my girlfriend remove my name in her bio. I wanted to ask her why. But i just kept quiet. And I didn't remove her name in my bio. A few days later, i wanted to deact cause I told everyone I wanted to focus on my studies. but that's not the reason.. I had problems in real life. I kept a secret. I didn't want to bother everyone. It is better to keep my problems quiet. I didn't even told my girlfriend. Days slowly faded, I misses my girlfriend. She makes me happy, really happy. So after i came back.
...... She had someone. It was her boyfriend. Her first boyfriend. Before i came, he left her 2/3+ days (deact) ... You don't know how heartbroken I am. I felt like a rebound. Like a reused paper, a recycle bag, a broken piece of glass. I didn't say anything. I just.. went "Ah."
I had chest pain when i think of that (i am not blaming her. its just that i did a lot of stupid stuff before i start rp and it causes pain. so when i think; it causes me more pain.) I may have forgive you but I can never forget that day. After that day happen, all i face in relationship are all pain, sadness and some bullshit feelings. (yeah what happen to no-feelings-involved-in-rp. i'm stupid right?)
As days passing by; I met another girl. Well, I was struck in between because my "daughther" like me too. My "daughther" and this girl. I choose this girl instead because... I had a feeling. Something great. As we talk more, I realized we didn't have anything in common. We always ask each other "How are you?" "What are you doing?" "Have you eaten?" "Are you sleepy?" "How was school?" nothing else. She wasn't a talker. Until one day, something upset me (i am not sure what. i kinda forget.) she noticed it and ask me what happen. I told her about my past (plus the stupid stuff i did irl) she was shocked, she couldn't believe it. I told her how much i dislike my friends in real life. They might be nice to you but they will stab you in the back. After that talk, she.. become more gentle. "Even if you have no one, you have me right?" I wanted to cry (lol ikr) because that's the sweetest thing someone said to me. It been a long time since I had that feeling... And days keep on passing by, we always talk about random stuff. I realized that we needed time to know each other and we will get along well. We had small arguements but she was understanding. I felt that maybe she "heal" me slowly from those pains... But, she had to go on hiatus due to her final exams. I understand that... Since that day, every night i always wait for her, checking my dm that if she replies... She appears in our 2nd anniversary. It was good enough for me. A month later passes, she didn't return. I asked her friends. They said she's busy irl and barely talk to her. I began to feel afraid of losing her. She just dissappearing like that. I do not want it. Even if she does, at least she needs to say goodbye. It's good enough for me.
Because of this, it affects my real life. I couldn't focus on my studies. I kept on thinking about her. My close friends (who rps) gotten worried about me. But I kept on saying "I'm fine" even tho they knew I wasn't fine.
While waiting for her, I met a different yet unqiue girl. She was different from other girls. She's not clingy, she's not romantic, but... she's cute at times. The more I talk to her, the more my feelings grown. To set myself "free", i forget about my relationship and "broke up" with her. This unique girl, I found her. She have some pains. Because she used to like this someone a lot (and his rp chara is the same as me; I wouldn't tell you what happen ok) I shared her my story, and she shared hers. I felt that maybe we are somehow are fated to meet. Because she's in pain, and from what i realized... she needed someone to be with her, even tho she doesn't say it. I had a feeling, she do. Because I heard stories about her. She's one of a kind. I told myself that I will be always there for her, making her smile, and try to erase that painful past from her. But it was too hard, really hard. But I didn't want to give up, I do not want too. We got to know each other well, and grow more closer. We give each other pet (?) names, i call her wifey, and she calls me hubby. And now? Well. We are taking things quite slow. To me, it is important to see her smiling. That's all I need.
/sighs/ Roleplay world is like a test in a real world. Yes, it escapes your real life activities (?) but it's like a test. Happiness, sadness, tears, pain, joy, laughters, and definitely memories. Those memories. Those amazing memories. At first, you wouldn't put feelings, but as you stay longer, your feelings might get involved (ok actually depend) As for me, there are times I regret, there are times I don't regret.
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