You Know Me Better

The Best Of Times...

What are you thinking right now?

I’m wondering why he isn’t pitying me.

“I have this recurring dream.” She started as she slowly made her way to the bed.

Her legs felt like jelly so if she didn’t sit down right now she was going to collapse in front of him.

But she wouldn’t cry. Not now.

“It always starts the same: I’m five years old, dad’s blasting music through the sound system, and he’s screaming…”

“Genie! There you are!” he yelled over the blaring music as she dragged her feet into their living room with her doll clutched close to her heart. She was having a tea party in her room with Barry the Bear and Princess Tiana when the music came on and made it impossible for her to converse with her guests.

When it became clear to her that the music wasn’t about to stop any time soon Princess Tiana offered to go with her to investigate what the hell was going on.

So here she was, standing in the doorway in the middle of the afternoon, looking none too pleased with her father.

“I’m so glad you decided to join me!” He told her as he kneeled in front of her.

She rolled her eyes, “Daddy, you’re ruining my tea party!” She whined and aggressively stomped her feet. She was this close to throwing a temper tantrum if he didn’t shut this music off RIGHT NOW. She couldn’t even tell on him because her mom was out of town. Their neighbor, Mrs. Gray, was newly single after her divorce from a man she so loved to refer to as her “no good cheating dirty dog of a husband”, so she was dubbed “wing-woman” for the weekend (whatever that meant), Gina didn’t understand adult talk. Either way it meant she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning, and this man was driving her insane.

“I’m sorry, baby, but Luther Vandross was calling out to me and I just couldn’t ignore him.”

“…Luther who?” she asked confused before deciding she didn’t really care. She just wanted him to stop, so she set Princess Tiana down on the floor to keep her from being caught in the middle of this. “Look daddy, we have to reach some sort of compromise here because I can’t live like this.”

“What do you know about compromise?” he asked amused.

“Jessica Hurley brought a dictionary to school yesterday and showed it to me.” She explained while her dad listened intently, nodding his head for her to continue with her story, “She told me her big sister gave it to her because she kept bugging her about this word her mom keeps saying to her dad.”

“You don’t say.”

“Yeah, so we looked it up and used it all day at school.”

When she was done her dad nodded with that goofy smile still plastered on his face, caught between going for a full on grin or looking at her in awe after everything his five year old just said.

Today was a good day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and he had his best girl with him, which made everything brighter. She made him want to believe that life was simple and that the stumbling blocks that came with it were just that- stumbling blocks.

And he could handle a few stumbles, as long as he didn’t fall.

When she stepped closer and grabbed onto his shoulders, he went full on grin.

“So?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking.” He said snapping out of his thoughts. “You dance with me for a little bit and then afterwards I will-”

“-join my tea party!” Actually, he was gonna say get dinner ready, but okay. “I will join your tea party.” He agreed, resigning himself to his daughter’s will, “You read my mind, kid.”

She beamed up at him when he stood and offered his hand.

Then she let him twirl her around the room for the next half an hour…

She wasn’t sure when he sat down next to her, but his hands were suddenly covering hers, gripping them so she’d stop shaking.

“Is that a memory?” he asked curiously. With no pity.

It was weird. She thought she would’ve heard it by now.

“Yeah, but…” she swallowed and gripped his hands right back before confessing, “I can never see his face.”

“It’s like, I’m looking at him while standing in the middle of a fog and it’s the middle of the night. I know he’s there. I kinda recognize the sound of his voice and I can just make out his silhouette, but I can never see him clearly enough that I can say ‘Yep, that’s definitely him.’ At least not without looking at his picture.”

She looked at it now (still on her nightstand) before her brain fogged him up again.

“He would get these really bad days.” She continued (she couldn’t stop), “and neither of them ever talked about it but…I felt it. I just didn’t know what to call it.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t they ever talk about it?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

That was a lie.

She had plausible deniability at best: she never saw anything (her mom made sure of that), and there was never any evidence in the aftermath. But she still knew he lost his temper sometimes.

She would hear it.

Then he would walk out. Every. Time.

That night was only one out of an infinite number…and the only difference was he never came back like the other times.

Ricky didn’t push her to tell him any of this though, instead he took in her almost-empty room while they sat in the silence. Then the picture on her nightstand caught his eye.

“That him?” Ricky asked, and she smiled.

“Mhm.”

She wiped away a rogue tear on her cheek and handed it to him.

He has to let go of your hand to admire it, Gina.

Oh Lord, she couldn’t believe she had to remind herself of that when disappointment settled in the pit of her stomach.

Luckily, there wasn’t much time to dwell on it when he held the picture up next to her face and told her, “I’m sure this will come as a shock to you and I’m really sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but, other than the eyes? You don’t look…anything like him.”

“Argh, shut up." She snatched it from him and put it back.

This wasn’t news to her. Anyone who met them knew she was the spitting image of her mother.

Still though…

“You know what? I am offended- no- indignant! that you would even say that when ANYONE with fully functioning vision can clearly see that I am basically a mirror image of my father!” She tried to say with a straight face, she really did, but she knew he could see the amusement she was failing to hide.

“If you have something to say about my eyes, G, then just say it.”

“I'm saying they need to be checked.” She shot out of bed, “or better yet, get yourself fitted for new ones cause all I see is two holes on your face.”

When he went quiet she knew she had him. (She totally had him.)

He got up too so he could get a better look at her. His eyes shining with mischief as his memories of tonight faded into the background. Gina Porter was now front and center in his mind/his life/his existence.

Then asked, “…what?”

“I don’t know, man.” She slouched and started laughing before she could stop herself.

But of course, he was waaay ahead of her. In fact, he was so far ahead of her that he was already laughing so hard (at her!) that tears were spilling down his face.

In conclusion: He was an ass and she didn’t know why she was friends with him.