You Know Me Better

Let It Out

Can you really move on?

I don't know...but I can try.

It's been 65 days 12 hours and 53 minutes since his mom left.

Sometimes, mostly when he's up late in the pitch-black darkness of his room, he wonders if she's been counting too...if she even cares. Then he remembers that ex-cons probably don't count the number of days they've had their freedom back either. Because that's probably what it felt like for her, right? (to be away from them): Like Freedom.

She even had a boyfriend now. Ricky found out on Instagram when the guy tagged her in a photo of them kissing on the beach in whatever city (or country) they were in. There was no caption (but then again, a picture was worth a thousand words), which was just so typical. And to make matters worse? He liked that picture. In a moment of complete insanity, he double tapped on the screen and held his breath.

That was two nights ago, but he still couldn't let himself breathe.

And no, he had no idea why he did it. He had two theories though:

1. He was finally at a place in his life where he could be genuinely happy for his mom with no trace of resentment, or

2. He wanted her to know that he'd seen it. That he knew. And let her live with the guilt of knowing that she wasn't the one to tell him.

Okay. Maybe he did have some idea...and it worked too. It took her exactly 30 minutes to start blowing up his phone with calls he ignored and text messages he deleted without reading.

It was so easy for her to move on from them while they couldn't do the same. So easy, and now (after getting caught) she suddenly wanted a chance to explain herself?

Screw that...

He ignored yet another call from her as he walked out of the auditorium after Miss Jenn dismissed them. Only two things mattered to him right now: Gina being back, and the fact that it finally looked like they knew what they were doing on stage, so he was going to hold onto that. It was all he needed to be happy.

"Ricky!" Nini called out as she followed him out so he turned around to find her jogging towards him.

"Hey Nini." He said once she was right in front of him.

"Hey," she greeted, "Your mom called wanting to talk to you," and that's when he noticed the phone in her hand. He started shaking his head and backed up with his hands up like she was holding a gun about to shoot him. "Look, Ricky please? She sounded really desperate."

"No, Nini! Didn't you see what she did? What am I saying? Of course, you did. It's on the freakin' internet!" He yelled a little too loudly and his hands weaved through his curls as he tried to get a handle on his emotions because their cast mates were starting to stare as they walked passed them in the hallway.

"You know what's even worse?" he asked her more evenly, "While my dad has been sleeping on our couch, she couldn't even be bothered to tell us she'd met someone."

"I didn't know your dad was sleeping on the couch." She said sheepishly as her eyes dropped to the floor, and he sighed. Part of him wanted to tell her that they weren't exactly close these days. That their relationship was about as damaged as his parents' was at this point. But this was Nini, and she was trying to be here for him so instead he said, "It's just hard for him to sleep in his room when she's not there anymore."

"I get it." She said looking at him again. "But she's obviously trying to make things right."

It was his turn to look down when he felt her interlace their fingers. They felt warm, and familiar, and so much like Nini that the hardened features on his face softened a little. "I think you should give her a chance." She advised earnestly. "She was hoping the three of you would have dinner together tonight."