Kiss List (Book I of the List Series)

Chapter 18 - Reconciliation

The night custodian freed us from the locker nearly two hours after we had been locked in. I was just relieved that she didn't speak English very well. She seemed to think that the whole thing was Sam's fault and she said some nasty-sounding Spanish things to him in a raised voice. I noticed, though, that she couldn't help letting her eyes linger on his scantily-clothed body.

"Eyes on me. Hey, over here," I said loudly to the woman, finally getting her to tear her eyes away from looking at Sam's spandex-clad butt. "It's okay. I'm fine, okay? Estoy bien. It was just a joke. There's no need to tell the principal what happened."

Sam got dressed and gave me a ride home. That smarted a bit – a sophomore with his own car while I, a junior, had to beg rides. I knew that not having a car was insignificant compared to the torture I was about to go through, however.

I told my father that I had stayed late at Alyssa's house studying and had eaten dinner there. I barely managed to make it to my bedroom when I got a call from Coach Dumfy on my cell phone demanding to know if I was okay and at home. I assured him I was and said that I had heard some prankster was sending around weird texts about me. After a while I think I mollified him and he told me to get some sleep and hung up.

I tore open my laptop and searched for messages from Dylan or for any sign that he was online. There was none. I waited for an hour and then finally gave up and closed the computer. I would have to find a way to corner him at school to talk to him.

I didn't get much sleep that night. Thoughts of Dylan, Sam, Graham, and Missy swirled in my head. I felt so alone. I desperately needed my girls but they had abandoned me. I couldn't go back to them now and tell them they were right and I was wrong. If I did I'd have to explain everything. No, I was on my own.

The next day Dylan avoided me like the plague. Every time he saw me walking towards him he took off in the opposite direction. He looked like a wounded animal. It was a far cry from the usual bubbly demeanor he exhibited at school and people quickly started to notice. Of course, I was the first one they blamed. I got scowls from several of the boys on the soccer team and Dylan's other close friends.

"What happened?" Aaron asked as he fell in step beside me as I left an afternoon class. "Dylan looks like a train hit him and then backed over him again."

I sighed. "He didn't tell you anything?"

Aaron shook his head.

"Some people played a prank on me," I said. "They made it look like I was with another guy but I wasn't. I swear. I'll admit that I did some things I shouldn't have but I didn't cheat on Dylan. I know I haven't been the best girlfriend and I'd understand if he wants to break up with me because of that. He'd be perfectly within his rights to. But he needs to at least hear me out. If he still wants to break up after we've spoken, I'll understand."

Aaron gave me a sideways look. "Well I'm not a relationship counselor but I guess I can give him the message," he said. "Just tell me one thing: are you okay? You seem like you're in some trouble and over your head. Do you need help?"

Yes! I wanted to scream the word at him and let him fix my problems. He couldn't, though. If he tried to Missy would release the photos and that would hurt Dylan even more. "No," I said. "It's fine. I've got everything under control. Just please tell Dylan that I'm sorry and ask him to give me the opportunity to explain myself."

Dylan found me before the last period of the day. I had never seen him look sadder.

"Dylan," I said, "I'm so sorry. Please just trust me. It was all a misunderstanding. One of the girls pulled a prank on me and locked me in a locker with Sam Queen. It was my fault for getting into that situation in the first place but I never meant to hurt you. I promise you that there's nothing going on between Sam and me."

Dylan was quiet for a while. Finally he stopped in the middle of the hallway and said, "I know I'm not being completely fair to you. I guess I just can't really believe that I've got as amazing a girl as you as my girlfriend. I mean, I just feel like... like you are going to find someone better. Whenever I see you with other guys or hear that you're with them I assume that you've found that better person and are moving on."

"Dylan," I said, "you can't think like that. You're not being fair to yourself. I think a real relationship happens when two people love each other so much they want to only be with each other. I know it can hurt if you love someone and they love someone else, but that just means you aren't meant to be together and that there is someone else out there who is better suited to you. That's what dating is all about: experimenting on how well you work with other people. You can't go through the dating process being afraid that each new relationship won't work out. You have to expect that many relationships will fail until you find your one true soul mate."

"Right," Dylan said sourly. "Then you marry that person and have kids and find that you can't stand her and get divorced."

"I know your parents' divorce is hard for you to go through," I said. "I don't know why their relationship didn't work out. Maybe they weren't right for each other to begin with and they just forced it. Maybe one of them changed or they just grew apart over the years. Sometimes people can love each other but disagree on other issues like money or how to spend time or how to raise kids. I don't have an answer to that. I've only had one parent to watch growing up. I just know that you can't let it damage the way you look at love and your own relationship. This is not going to work out if you don't give me some space at times or if you keep looking for ways that I am cheating on you. I have made mistakes – too many, recently – and I will probably make a lot more. If they're too much for you and they start to make you hate the time you are spending with me, I'll understand if you want to break up with me. Just please don't break up with me because you're worried that I've cheated on you or might cheat on you one day. I haven't cheated on you and we can't enjoy ourselves if we let the fear of what might happen control us. The worst that can happen is that we do find that we are not compatible for whatever reason and then you should be happy because it means that, as much as you love me, there is someone out there that you will love even more."

I paused to take a breath. People thronged around us on either side, pushing us closer together. Dylan looked into my eyes and then burst into a sheepish grin. "You know," he said, "you're really smart. I've got a smart girlfriend."

Then we kissed, not caring who saw or what anyone else thought. There were a few giggles and snickers and oohs and aahs and someone yelled "Get a room!" but I didn't care. The noise washed over me. This boy cared about me, and for now that was all that mattered.