Kiss List (Book I of the List Series)

Chapter 34 - Falling Down and Getting Picked Up

When my dad got sick everything changed. I told the girls the next day and we hugged and cried together. Well, they did most of the crying. I was cried out, or perhaps I was in shock. After my mother had died my dad sent me to a psychologist and I learned about the stages of grief. I supposed that should have made me feel more prepared for this but it didn't. I didn't care what stage of grief I was in. I didn't care about anything except for spending as much time with my dad as I could.

The girls knew better than to bring up something as trivial as the kiss list. They had other distractions to keep them preoccupied anyway. Olivia was dating Ryan and for some reason beyond comprehension Payton was dating Jamal. Sweet little Alyssa, whom I could never have imagined with a boyfriend, was dating Gabriel. It sort of felt like they had all moved on to different stages of their lives while I was left behind. That suited me just fine. I didn't care about friends or school anymore.

Dad was busy between treatment and work so I was responsible for getting dinner ready at home most nights. I had to drop out of indoor soccer but that didn't really matter to me like it once would have. Caroline seemed to deal with the news well and she helped by cleaning the house and lending me a hand with the dishes. We got by.

It was an enormous relief when winter break arrived. School was becoming a pain and I wanted to spend more time at home. During Christmas I was almost able to forget that my dad was sick. We went to church on Christmas Eve like usual and then opened presents on Christmas morning. We had a tradition that we had to make at least one handmade gift for each other and we laughed as dad and I opened the abstract popsicle-stick sculptures Caroline had made for us. The only deviation from our usual routine was that we did not drive three hours to Grandma's house to socialize with her and all of our uncles, aunts, and cousins from our mother's side who visited on Christmas day. Dad had been insistent that we would go but when the time arrived he was just too tired. His treatments had taken a lot out of him so we rented some Christmas movies and watched them and our old home videos. Caroline and I were happy to do it. We both snuggled up to dad on the couch and we all watched the movies together.

I would gladly had spent the rest of my vacation without ever leaving the house but a few days after Christmas my dad said I had to go out and do something with friends. "It's not good for you to stay in the house all day moping around," he said. "I want to spend time with you but girls your age need to spend time with their friends as well. You need to get out of here for a while."

"I don't want to," I said. "I just want to stay here with you and Caroline." I hated seeing everyone's sympathetic faces. I didn't want them feeling sorry for me. It made me think too much about losing my dad.

My dad wouldn't take no for an answer, however, and he practically forced me to dial Alyssa's number. Alyssa told me that she had heard there was a wrestling tournament at the high school and she asked if I wanted to go cheer David on. I didn't want to do anything of the sort but with my dad's stern gaze boring into me, I reluctantly agreed. Maybe if I went and watched an hour of the tournament it would be enough to appease dad.

Alyssa and Gabriel came and picked me up. Gabriel was making jokes about looking forward to the cage matches and seeing the wrestlers slam chairs and TVs on each other. Alyssa tried to explain to him that he was thinking of a different kind of wrestling, though it was obvious to me that Gabriel understood perfectly and was just joking around with Alyssa. I didn't have the heart to join in his game. All I could think about was my dad.

The high school parking lot was busier than I would have expected for a vacation day. I had never been to a wrestling tournament before but apparently it was a big deal. The tournament was in the west gym and we had to pay five dollars to an elderly volunteer to get in. When we opened the gym doors I was stunned by the size of the crowd inside. Throngs of people packed the stands and milled around in the corners of the gym. The gym floor had been covered in blue mats with circles in the middle. Two boys were wrestling in each of the circles while referees moderated the matches and coaches watched and shouted instructions. It looked like utter mayhem to me but everyone seemed to know what they were doing.