Newt's Girl-The Final

Chapter 7

Caress. A touch used too often but not often. When you want to touch someone you love but gently. When you don't want to hurt them. I think of the word as Newt barely touches the skin of my arms. I see a flash and I see a younger version of us doing the same. Me crying over something that I couldn't remember, and him not knowing what to say so just holding me there unsure of himself. I come back to this moment and wonder why that it something my brain chose to reveal to me.

I breathe in the sent of him that is now mixed with sweat from his previous...episode.

I don't know if this moment is ever going to end and I am fixed between wanting him to hold me tighter and releasing him so I can see his eyes. I think either option will make me sad. He stills and leans back, looking at his reflection in this mirror. Disgust and terror written over his face. I do the same and look at my face below his in the reflection. The top of my head goes to the top of his shoulder and it makes me realize why he always wants to pick me up when he kisses me. Focus Carly. I don't even know how I am feeling. My face looks relieved but inside I feel scared and broken. I lost my better half for a moment tonight and I didn't know if I would get that back. I'm glad my expression didn't show that. To let Newt know that monster wasn't him but something else he could overcome. My face proved it all.

I take his hand in mine and his eyebrows scrunch together and his eyes narrow. He looks at me in the mirror like he's afraid to actually  see me; To see any damage in the dark of the bathroom. I never did bother to turn the light on afraid of what I might see when I did.

"Are you okay?" His eyes are tense and wary. He's afraid of my answer but he thinks he already knows it. He must think I hate him and there's no possible way I could recover.

I stretch my muscle to feel any pain and hold back a gasp when I feel a soreness in my side no doubt from the impact the wall made against me. Or I guess the impact I made against the wall.

"I'm alright I say. How are you?"

I can tell he's about to yell at me for asking that questions so I interject, "Newt I threw a lamp at you. Do you realize that? I kicked you repeatedly. Now I'm gonna ask again, are you okay?" I look at him seriously.

He cocks his head before assessing himself in the mirror and slowly nods his head.

I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding and rub my forehead with my hand leaning against the sink for support.

"Why didn't you run away Carly? Why did you just come at me. You...you were talking to me." He's looking at me now. His eyes circling my face, looking for an answer to his question.

"I couldn't just leave you. I knew it was you in there Newt I could see it in your eyes." I held back a shiver at the thought of his eyes before this and met his pressing gaze with a similar one.

"This is what I was talking about. You're not safe with me. I could've killed you Carly. I...I wanted to kill me. Whatever that was inside of me, didn't care and I kept screaming at it to stop and I could see everything but it wouldn't stop and I remember it's hate. And it wanted to obliterate everything I loved and it was trying to convince me of the same. I watch as myself turn into a monster in body but I had my own mind."

"That's exactly if Newt. Whatever was inside of you, was not you. That's not you, I'm not scared of you, I'm worried about you." I search his eyes trying to get him to understand.

"You're worried about me?" He screams, the veins popping out of his neck but in Newts way not the way they had ten minutes ago. Ten minutes. That's all it took, "I threw you at a bloody wall, I...I was going to do so much worse before you threw that lamp things I never imagined before. Then you just stopped fighting me and you kissed me of all things like allowing me to hurt you wasn't enough."

"Newt how long do you think you were like that?" I say softly compared to his booming voice.

He doesn't respond for a while before he shrugs.

"Ten minutes. You were under for ten and resurfaced in six. Do you know how unrealistic that is. You think you're losing yourself but I think you're finding yourself. You are winning the fight Newt."

He glares me at turns on the light. He gasps, "You call that winning?! Cause I don't. I don't." He walks out before I even know what he's talking about and that's when I see it.

Bluish purple marks are on either side of my throat in the shape of finger prints. I bruise easily tho so it wasn't something I was too worried about but I knew to Newt that they meant everything. I closed the door in case he decided to come find more evidence for his "crimes" and take off my shift. My eyes are bloodshot from tears or lack of air I can't tell. My skin pale against the blue marks that line my entirety of my right side. I look down at my ankle to where he dragged me out of the room and there are finger prints there as well.

Now that I'm calming down and the adrenaline is wearing off I can feeling the aching of my skin even more. And with that a searing in my left arm. A cut drips down my arm but it's not deep enough to leave a scar. On my stomach there's nothing but a scratch. Just a red Mark with a few strays like when nails are driven down your skin. Some are on my throat. I know those will be gone by the time I finish showering. I step in it hoping to clean myself of any marks that'll set off Newt any further. I have to get him to see himself through my eyes before he loses all hope.