I MEAN IT

chapter 1.

I walked a long distance before I realized I was actually lost. God, what was I thinking bursting out of my room like that? Why is it that every time I try to control my anger it comes raging and striking at me like a goddamn motherfucking starving eagle? I had slammed the door at my mums face after we had had an argument about me doing the dishes instead of digging my head deep in the book I was reading. Of course I had all the time to read it later but it just happened that my mum walked in right when I got to the thrilling part that I had been anticipating. She grabbed the book from my lap after figuring I wasn't paying attention to her and almost immediately my fingers started twitching. That happens mostly when my anger gets triggered. I looked up at her angrily and clenched my fist in attempt to collect myself and calm the fuck down because I hated the look she always gave me when she was angry.
Let me tell you how I calm myself down. I punch my bed. Sometimes I think I hurt it in many sad ways, like when I soak all night with my pillow over my head and all my bed can do is absorb my tears but not stop my sobs; When I get angry and throw punching fists; When I tear at the edges of my sheets while I seethe; also I don't take care of her well enough because most of the time I'm there, sheets are always hanging over the edges and covers are always squeezed inappropriately in one corner. What a bad bad  peasant!

"You have to get your lazy ass off bed Rebecca! Do I have to repeat this a million times for you to actually pay attention to what I'm saying? I have to feed your brother and your dog! stop wasting my fucking time!"

She had scowled at me raising her index finger sternly. She does that every time she is trying hard not to hit me. I had seen how her veins shot out on her neck and forehead like someone trying to hold in something, probably like a fart. My face was red hot by the time she had mentioned feeding my dog. I felt guilty for not paying attention to my only friend who always showed me that I was Important. Mostly I don't like my mistakes pointed out to me like that. My dogs name is Mershy. My mum wasn't straightforward when she said she had to feed him but I knew she was pointing out that it was my responsibility. Who abandons their only friend anyways?

Well, I do. My only friend abandoned me too. she left and she is never coming back!

When my mum realized that I wasn't going to respond, that I was mute, She threw the book back at me not careful enough that it's pages tore. Immediately, a kind of warmth engulfed me from my head to toes it felt like fire was running wild through my bones and with a sudden quick reflex of muscles, I pushed her out of the way and rushed out banging the door carelessly behind me.

I took long fast strides seething, repeating my mantra over and over but the overwhelming urge to cry shook me to the core and I can't tell how long I have been crying because damn me if I am not the longest crier.

It is late by the time I manage to calm myself but having moved in town just recently I don't know which way I came or which way will take me back home. The sun is gradually fading away and unfortunately, I left my phone plugged to the charger next to my window.

God, I am lost.

I am lost in a new city in a new town but away from town because I walked into the woods. The only place my soul finds peace and a sense of belonging. If it had been in the morning, I would have been lured by the Melody of birds but the sun is dimming away and I am beginning to panic.
I have called out for help but I don't think anyone is coming to save me.

"what was I thinking? what if I get raped ? Kidnapped? what if the tale of Basilisk a serpent with a dragons body that could kill merely by looking or breathing at someone is real and my grandpa was trying to warn me and now it's going to show up and end my life in a single stare...God, I have never found true love and I'm a virgin please let me live!

The thought of Basilisk creeps the hell out of me. I am too scared. I take to my heels and whatever road I take leads me home. I guess it's just by luck or fear.
Breathing heavily, I stand glued to my mum's garden. Whatever I am going to face tonight will be worse than Basilisk staring at me and ending my life. I look at the door and the well drawn curtains and in my heart I know my night is already fucked!
Knowing that if I take longer without going in I'll make my mum angrier, I knock softly at the door I banged harshly earlier and wait for my kingdom come.

Humbly.

All so ready to ask for forgiveness. I recite my words of regret to sound remorseful and practice my expressions, breathe in and out, cross my fingers and pull a hair from my eyelashes and stick it to my head.
She opens the door calmly not as I expect and smiles down on me.

"Mum?" I call regretfully.

"It's okay darling, come in I cooked your favorite dish, we can talk about it later"

"Sure?" I ask suspiciously.
But she assures me kindly," yeah sure."

I don't know if I'm the only one who gets insecure when I have done something wrong to someone and they treat me with kindness. It feels like they be plotting revenge in silence to attack when I am not ready. But the way my mum looks at me with tenderness, it warms my heart.

"You had me worried, I thought you wouldn't come back. We just moved in. Where did you go?" she asks me while serving some candied yams.

Yummy! I swallow .

"I ran into the woods. I almost got lost but gladly here I am. Sorry ma!"  I say almost salivating.

who doesn't love candied yams on earth anyway? Must be a moron!
I swallow my food greedily remembering everything I had been through the past hours and thank God I am getting all the yummies before  my gaze glues to what my mum is doing.

She has placed adjacent to me my brothers plate and on the  opposite my sisters plate. My heart falls to my spoon. I don't know who it breaks more. Me? or my mum.

But I see her eyes moisten.

Hey guys! Thanks a lot for your support and motivation. Its going to get better I promise.
Listen to will Joseph cook if you enjoy good music.
Lemme know how you like this chapter!