I MEAN IT

chapter 4

"I'm Brian Bobrow I guess my dad already told you." He says looking at his dad who looks so warm and kind.

"Oh yeah, this is Brian  my only son. I have  a daughter too but she lives in Toset. She took after her mother entirely you'd think it's the same coin." He chuckles and my mum looks like she's giving him all the attention nodding and smiling at every word. "Her name is Sade Zabala." My ears prick up at the name Zabala and without thinking, I say almost chocking on my smoothie.
"I know her! She's the author of the poetry book coffee and cigarettes. Holllyyy shiiiiiiiit..she's your daughter?".

My eyes bulge out in excitement. Apart from sitting next to this edible guy who If given a chance I'd eat him like a snack biting all his sugar off, I am also talking to a celebrities dad? My night can't get any better can it?

"Coffee and what?" Rick says in astonishment.

"Coffee and cigarettes." I repeat fervidly but everyone especially my mum looks at me as if I am a talking bird so I continue wanting to make sense. "yes, her work appeared on Hooligan magazine...her work is associated with that of Kim kardashian."

" I know her too." Brian says. "But that's not my sister. They just happen to have the same name."
Grossly brusque! I think.

I sink back to my seat and look down on my smoothie feeling stupid and like I lost a shot at impressing the Bobrows. But they shouldn't think I am a loser. I look up smiling and say," oh my bad sorry! Pretty name." My mum stays silent the whole time so Rick goes back to what he was saying.

"Yeah Sade and Brian and me. Family."

I almost ask about Brian's mum but I figure if he wants us to know he would tell us. My mums eyes stay glued to her plate of fries I feel guilty for making things weird and the air tight. No one is talking and why? I don't fucking know. So I decide again to ignite the spark of the chat by introducing myself and my mum.

"I'm Rebecca Romilda."  I eye Brian swiftly incase he thinks my name is pretty leaving out my other name Christmas and smile but he doesn't move a muscle. "Romilda is a warrior name. My grandpa was a warrior. He fought the Germans in the first world war can you imagine? He said that incase of another war while he was gone I should fight and so he taught me how to use a sword."
They all look interested staring at me with amused eyes showing that they are actually listening and I feel the air expand again. I think they think I can't fight because I am skinny but I don't care so I continue.

" She is Katerina Belkin like the famous Russian contemporary pictoralist
Photographer and painter who won first place in category art Hasselblad masters Award in 2016." I say pointing at my mum.

Brian stares up at me as if to say something but Rick pre-empts him and says," beautiful name" sending noticable flushes of blush on my mums cheeks.

" Well, I have a small brother, Willy. He's one and half year. My dad is watching over him."  I say thinly and my mum looks at me pleased that I don't add a rude remark or say anything about Becky.

Having made the air clear we talk about few more things like school and food and whatever else they talk about while I don't pay attention gnawing at my candied yams, my thoughts jumbling at the beauty of Brian. He barely speaks. He only answers questions when asked. My mum seems carried away by Rick so what else apart from yummy yams? Yummy Brian but I'm not letting him know I think he's sweet. He makes no attempt to get to know me better.

°~°

We get home quite late and find David( Willy's dad. I withdraw from calling him my dad)  on the recliner lying horizontally with his face and torso facing up a position my mum hates. Still in his clothes and boots he somehow looks peaceful and kind my heart somehow lungs for the man he was when Becky and I were kids. Before he changed. when he used to take us to the park and help us with our homework after school. He was a good man until he started drinking again and beating my mum Impetuously. I especially remember the last day I got close enough to him in desperation trying to hold him back from crushing my mum's skull while he was drunk. Becky had hit him with a broomstick on the back of his head that he lost his balance and fell dumb on my mum. We let him sleep there that night but found him covered in a couple sheets the next morning .
Love is messy. At times I think about how Becky cried her nights away hoping our family wouldn't fall apart and I just break down. She loved my dad and mum and that's how she was always caught up between their drama without even knowing the root cause of whatever used to happen. She most of the time tried to talk to my dad about drinking while he was sober and back to his senses but he kept brushing her off. At least she tried. All I did was stare and glare and cry.
This same man with my blood in his veins abandoned us for alcohol and whores but still comes back after my sister is dead acting like he cares enough to know the school I am joining? For what? He don't even pay my school fees no more. He don't buy us food or send us upkeep money but my mum keeps contact with him? Sometimes I think she's stupid but that's the part of love that I will never understand unless I am her which I will never be. I mean, if it were me being hurt like that, I'd be practicing poses for prison pictures because on God I'd rip his head off in one slash.