Suburban Vampire Ragnarok

Chapter 15

"As the primary agent of Enforcement here, I have access to all personnel files whenever I request access," Elizabeth explained as the three entered the office room. "We still keep hard copy files in file cabinets. Some Houses have begun to transfer their information over to computers, but that's generally frowned upon. The more conservative elements say that the old systems are more secure, and I tend to agree. Besides, transferring over to an electronic format would take a lot of work and, although there are IT firms run by vampires, it's still an expense." She then started going through a nearby file cabinet, pulling out some file folders.

"So," Scott said, "What's up between you and Phaedra? I sensed some pretty negative vibes there."

"Scott," Jeremiah said, "maybe it's better we didn't pry."

"No," Elizabeth responded. "No problem. I hate that pretentious, kiss-ass whore. There. Happy?"

"Well, I'm glad you cleared that up for me," Scott said. "But where does the hate come from?"

"Who the fuck are you? Vampire Dr. Phil? 'Where does the hate come from'? Seriously, Scott?"

"Elizabeth, now, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Friends? I dunno. I guess so. Why?"

"I'm just saying you can be honest with us."

"I was. I honestly hate her."

Scott almost laughed but thought better of it. "No, I mean, what's the cause of such bad blood?"

Elizabeth whirled around to face him. "You really want to know? Okay, then. After Jack and I parted ways, I found comfort with Phaedra."

"No shit? You and Phaedra?"

"Got a problem with that?"

"No, no. Actually, that's kind of hot. But really, who haven't you slept with here?"

"Well, I haven't slept with you yet. And by 'yet' I mean never will."

"Okay, and Jeremiah?"

Jeremiah shook his head. "Jeremiah?" Elizabeth choked, "No way! That would be... well... that would be really awkward."

"Now, why would that be?"

"Maybe you should stop asking inane questions," Jeremiah said, "and get to looking at these files."

"Inane? No way!"

"Anyway," Elizabeth continued, "I found Phaedra was just about as bad as Jack. I ended up having to cover over a couple of her, shall we say, indiscretions? Meaning, she went off and killed some people. And I had to run damage control, lest the incident go public. I pulled her ass out of the fire and I didn't even get the time of day. That really hurt."

"Ah, I see now. The ice queen really does have a heart."

"Right, and if you keep talking about it I'll rip yours out of your chest."

Scott cleared his throat. "Moving right along, let's look at those files!"

Elizabeth lay three file folders on a table in the middle of the room. Scott read the three names written on them: Sinner, F.S., Higgenbotham, A., and Dimiceli, P.

"Oh, so Sinner and I aren't the only vampires with last names!" Scott said.

"No, dumbass, most of us have last names. It's just that we don't use them anymore."

"Except Sinner, and me. How is that decided anyhow? I mean, will someone ask me if I just want to be called Scott, or Campbell? Or can I get a new name? Or maybe just a symbol, like Prince? And what if there are like multiple vampires with the same name? Wouldn't that be, I don't know, kind of confusing?"

"Scott, if you keep talking, swear to God I will stake you."

"Just asking..."

Elizabeth opened all three files. "Anyway. Here are the three newest members of the House council. And before you open your mouth again, Scott, yes, they were vetted by the Council of Elders. But there are some things the Council of Elders apparently didn't take into consideration." All three folders contained identical application forms. Elizabeth removed the forms from the folders and placed them side-by-side. "Okay, what do you see?"

"Let's see... Sinner likes golf, that's not surprising... Adam was an Eagle Scout? Wow. And Phaedra likes... I can't even pronounce that word... is that some sex thing?"

"The spaces where they are asked to name their sires," Jeremiah said, "are blank."

"Thank you, Jeremiah gets the prize!" Elizabeth said. "Yes, on all three the space where their sire's identity should be written is blank. These forms are all Xerox copies. If you look closely..."

"No way, the originals were whited out!" Scott said.

"Good job! Yes, the original files were redacted! Now, why would that be?"

"So, if we can just find the original files..."

"That will be next to impossible. I think the originals are all in a vault in Geneva or somewhere like that, wherever the Council of Elders decided to store them."

"Anyone up for a Swiss vacation? Oh, come on, guys! I've never been over there! What do you say? Swiss vacay? Okay, I'll shut up now."

"I'd appreciate it. Getting there would only be half the battle. Getting into the files of the Council of Elders, well, that will be another. We might as well try to get into the Pentagon."

"There are other ways to arrive at the truth," Jeremiah said. "Perhaps we should try the most direct route."

"You mean asking them?" Scott asked. "Really? Actually asking a bunch of vampires who sired them? And expecting the truth?"

"Truth may be revealed even inside a lie."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means that Jeremiah is smarter than you, Scott," Elizabeth answered. "Not that it's much of an accomplishment."

"Gee, thanks. So, when can we start questioning these guys?"

"Not tonight, obviously. And we need to proceed cautiously. These three are now members of the local council, and as such have a certain stature and certain expectations of respect. Plus, I can't stay around anyway; I've got to meet someone in a little while."

"Oh, really? Who's the lucky guy?"

"It's not a date, moron. It's my confidential informant. He may have a lead on those sixteen illegitimate vampires from the other night."

"Oh, in that case, can we come with?"

"Yeah, okay, why not. You might learn something."

Elizabeth began to lead Scott and Jeremiah toward the door, when she stopped and turned back toward them. "Oh, I'll need to change out of this dress and into something more appropriate for work. While I'm doing that, I'm sure you boys can manage putting those files back in their proper places." She snapped around again and walked off, leaving Jeremiah and Scott in the office room.

Jeremiah looked at Scott. "I do not do filing," he said before leaving the room.

"Oh, thanks. Hey, wait!"