Suburban Vampire Ragnarok

Chapter 2

 "I wish Scott were here now," Jeremiah observed as he gripped the dao tightly.

"Why?" Elizabeth asked as she gripped her falcata equally as tight. "You're not thinking that there are too many of them, are you?"

Jeremiah paused and considered the situation: Elizabeth and he were in an old warehouse on the east bank of the Willamette River, dark, dirty, and empty, save for the multitude of angry, hissing vampires that encircled them. Of course, Jeremiah and Elizabeth were vampires as well, but that was beside the point. They had come here to "cull" some of the last of the illegitimate offspring of the outlaw vampire, Jack, who had been banned from siring more "acolytes." He'd then been banished from Portland entirely, and finally slain by Elizabeth's hand (or by her rocket, as it were). Jack's offspring were loyal to their creator, and since he was no longer in the picture they had become unpredictable, and hungry. Many having given in to the bloodlust, the uncontrollable urge to feed which leads to indiscriminate slaughter. This was, of course, completely unacceptable both to Ministry and to Enforcement. Naturally both agencies would have to work together to round up and dispose of the last of Jack's bastard children. And, naturally, none of the offspring of Jack really wanted to be "culled", which led inevitably to the predicament in which Jeremiah and Elizabeth now found themselves. Elizabeth, however, did not consider this a "predicament" but rather a "target-rich environment."

"I do count twenty of them," Jeremiah said. "And we do seem to be surrounded."

Elizabeth smiled widely, like she usually never did. It was apparent to Jeremiah that she was enjoying this. It was also apparent to Jeremiah that she was slightly psychotic. "Surrounded? Hell, they're just where we want them. They can't get away from us now!"

"Right. What I mean is, this would be a good training opportunity for Scott. I'm sure he'd like the chance to hone his martial skills, that's all."

"Sure, Jeremiah. Sadly, Scott isn't here. That leaves just you and me. More than even odds, I'd say, or are you getting soft in your old age?"

"Well, I am over two-thousand years old."

"Yep, getting soft..."

"I am not getting soft!"

Jeremiah's response to Elizabeth's verbal jab was accented by an attack from a thin and hungry-looking male vampire with long, stringy hair and a machete. Jeremiah parried the thrust then brought his dao down upon the long-haired vampire's neck, severing his head and turning him into a pile of dust and ash.

"Nineteen," Elizabeth said. "The odds are improving."

"Indeed." A second vampire came at Jeremiah with a double-bitted felling axe raised above its head. Jeremiah side-stepped the awkward attack, severing that vampire's legs with one slash from his dao. He then beheaded the struggling vampire.

"What's up with that? Why are they attacking you and not me?"

"Maybe they're more scared of you. I certainly would be."

"Still! When do I get to kill something?"

"Why don't you attack them?"

"I don't need your permission, you elderly African bag-sucker!" Elizabeth pointed to another of the surrounding vampires, a gaunt-looking blonde wearing coveralls and carrying a gardening utensil. "You! With the garden hoe! What are going to do, furrow us to death?"

The gaunt blonde took the handle of the garden hoe and broke it over her knee, the jagged edge of the broken handle looking sharp enough to be useable as a makeshift stake. This gave her two weapons. She then attacked Elizabeth with surprising speed and skill. Elizabeth easily warded off the attack, then cleaved the blonde vampire's head from her body.