Two Lost Souls

Tonight

"Can I ask you something?"

His pencil freezes on the paper, most likely because despite her best efforts, her voice came out a bit nervous, letting him know that what is coming won't be pleasant. They've been here for five days now, and though she's been making some progress with her own issues – thanks in part to that dream he gave her so that she could get some kind of closure – she hasn't been able to get him to open up. If she has to be perfectly honest with herself, she'll admit that she hasn't been trying that hard. He seems... At peace, and she didn't want to disturb it. But she also knows that it's all a front, and she hasn't been able to rid herself of the feeling that there's something not quite right with him. Not wrong, per say, just off.

Since the weather is not great today, they decided to stay inside and just relax, taking a break from their constant exploration of the area, and what better opportunity to finally start working on this than when they're both relaxed, sitting by the fire, after a meal that left them both pleasantly drowsy?

He resumes his movements after a few seconds, but she can see that his shoulders are now tense. It almost makes her reconsider, but she knows they need to talk at some point, and while it might lead to things neither of them is ready for, the topic she wants to broach today is the least harmful she could think of. They have to start somewhere.

"What is it?" he asks, his expression carefully blank.

With a deep breath, she decides to just rip off the band aid.

"Do you really have your emotions back?"

His head snaps up, drawing entirely forgotten as he focuses all of his attention on her. She swallows hard at the flash of... is that fear? – she sees in his eyes before he manages to mask it.

"Why do you ask?"

"You're kidding, right?" When he doesn't answer her rhetorical question, she sighs and bluntly states, "You haven't been yourself, Klaus."

Again, she's met only with silence, and she doesn't know what else to say to make him see what she means. Honestly, she doesn't think she needs to say anything else. She's pretty sure he knows what she's talking about, he's just trying to avoid it. And so she decides to wait, giving him some time to recover – from the fact that she's noticed and from the fact that she called him out on it.

After what seems like hours, he sets his pencil and sketchpad aside and leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands joined in front of him as he studies her.

"Yet you don't really believe that I'm emotionless."

She notes that he didn't try to refute her assumption. Maybe this conversation is going to go somewhere after all.

"No," she admits. "I know your humanity is on. I've seen it. Your reaction to the vervain thing, and that dream you gave me... I've seen glimpses of you in the past few days. But never you, not fully. Not since you attacked me right after you turned it back on. You're just..." she hesitates before settling on, "going through the motions. You're usually so intense. But lately you're..." Another pause, and a shrug. "Not."

"And why do you think that is?" he asks, seemingly intrigued at her analysis.

She's been mulling it over for a while now, and she has her suspicions.

"Because you want it that way. When Elena got her emotions back, she chose to focus on her rage only. You can't do that because you have no one to take it out on," she says, watching him carefully in case her allusion to Lyam's death and to the fact that they still have no idea who was responsible sets him off. When he doesn't react, she continues, "When my emotions came back, it was like a full-on assault, although I did manage to keep most of the pain at bay at times. I know you don't want that. I think that you're deliberately trying to stay as numb as possible, because you're afraid that once you let yourself go, it will all be too much. And I understand, I really do. There's only one thing I don't get. If you're going to try not to feel anyway, why not just turn it off again? Not that I want you to, but why try and repress those feelings, go through the trouble of controlling them, instead of just getting rid of them?"