Love Me In Secret (Asanoya)

Chapter 5: Don't Leave

Asahi's POV

I didn't want to make Nishinoya uncomfortable, but I failed to honour that. He was sitting up on the couch beside me while I pressed my mouth to the warm teacup and took small sips of delicious frothy tea.
I had no idea why I needed him up here with me so much; it just felt so right. My legs were tucked in, but since they were pretty long, they sort of invaded Nishinoya's personal space.
I tried to tuck them in closer to my body, but it made me feel terrible in my stomach, so I had to relax them again.
My shins were pressed up against the top part Nishinoya's legs.. his thighs.
It almost made me flustered to be this close to him.
But why? He's just my friend. It's not like it's weird or anything— we aren't touching feet or anything. Why do I feel so awkward? Maybe it's because I'm invading his space.
I focused my attention back onto the TV, which Nishinoya had graciously turned on for me.
I had no idea what show he had put on, and it looked like he hadn't either, since he was staring off into space at the wall parallel to the TV.
On the screen, there were two guys hugging. I watched a bit longer, listening to what the two guys were saying.
Then, I watched as the two guys kissed. My heart felt like it had leaped out of my chest! I must have made a noise or something, because Nishinoya looked up at the screen, just soon enough to catch that the two guys were making out.
"GAHHH! Sorry Asahi-san! I didn't realize what I had put on! I'm so sorry! I know how you feel about this kind of stuff. Again, I apologize," Nishinoya made haste to switch the channels to something other than that.
I flinched at his loud voice, feeling a pulsing pain deep in my head from the sudden change in volume. Not only that, but I was perplexed at what Nishinoya had said. 'I know how you feel about this kind of stuff.'
What was that supposed to mean? Sure, my mom disagrees with homosexuality, but that doesn't mean I do. Well... I pretend to disagree for Mom. I don't want her suspecting that I like guys (which I do not!).
I don't know why, but his words had felt like a pinch in my heart, and I was suddenly worried if he was judging me.
I didn't understand why I had suddenly cared so much as to what he thought of me, but I was determined to turn it positive.
"Ah~ Nishinoya we..." *large breath* "can watch whatever you like. I don't mind watching anything," I reacted quietly. It felt like somebody had turned the volume on my voice down permanently— like somebody was compressing my voice to the point where I had to whisper.
Nonetheless, I had successfully created a new positive atmosphere in the room.
I'm fine with watching what was on before. But when I had seen the two guys kiss, I'm upset that the first thing I thought of was Nishinoya. No, no,no! It's just because he is beside me at the moment, so he was the first person I thought of. Why did I even want to think of a person? I cannot like guys. I will not like a guy.

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Nishinoya's POV

        Within an hour of watching TV, Asahi has finished his tea and had fallen asleep once more. He had taken the blanket and pulled it up to his shoulders, suddenly feeling a wave of coldness.
I felt my stomach grumble, and I suddenly remembered I had not yet had breakfast. I had asked Asahi earlier, and he said I could help myself... so I guess I will? I thought, opening up his pantry in the kitchen. My eyes darted around, until I saw a small stack of instant ramen in the pantry. I grinned, instantly grabbing a pack and a pot.
        I filled it with water, not bothering to measure it since I already know how much to put. I've had this kind of ramen so many times, it's basically muscle memory by now. Not that I use muscles to measure ramen water...
I put the pot of water onto the stove, then started waiting for it to boil.
        I began to ponder what Tanaka and I had discussed earlier about asking Sugawara-San and Daichi-san to ask Asahi about what he thought of me.
        It wasn't a completely terrible idea, but I wasn't sure how to come out to them... Tanaka was the only one who knew about my feelings and attractions, and he didn't completely reject me. He was kind, and he doesn't treat me differently now that he knows.
        When I thought about the other third years thinking different and treating me different than before, my stomach tensed up; butterflies flew around aimlessly inside of me.
        But then, I thought about what Tanaka would say, "The third years are the most accepting! They have the most experience and there is no reason for them to treat you differently. So stop be a coward and tell them!"
        Those words of encouragement brought joy to me, forcing me to smile to myself. Of course they'd be understanding! They'd accept everyone, no matter what!
        I began to feel motivated and confident, whipping out my phone. I have to do it now while I'm still like this! I thought frantically as I opened the messenger app and messaged Sugawara-san and Daichi-san as quickly as humanely possible, whilst simultaneously attempting to keep my spelling readable.
Hey... I just wanted to ask a favour from you guys, but you'll need a bit of context so this isn't so surprising...
         It didn't take long, and it was pretty blunt... I just hoped it would work. As I hit the send button, I almost thought of deleting the message before anyone saw it out of panic, but I was suddenly distracted of the smell of something burning....
...
        MY NOODLES!!
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Asahi's POV
[approximately 3 hours later: 1:24 PM]

       I woke up to the piercing sound of a large CRASH!
       My eyes shot open, and I sat up faster than a bullet; which I soon regretted when I felt my stomach churn. My mind went into panic mode, freezing up and beginning to sweat, looking around deliriously while also trying to make my stomach stop swirling.
        "Asahi," I heard Nishinoya's soothing voice from behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch, my colourless cheeks revealing a light overlay of pink.
         My heart was beating fast from the noise, I felt like the world was closing in on me— trapping me.
        No... Oji-san...! The crash kept replaying in my head again and again like a song, as if it only existed to torment me. My stomach turned faster as I began to breath fast and heavily; my chest hurt like crazy.
         It was too fast! Usually it happens slower! I couldn't do anything about this sudden panic attack.
       No, no, no, no.... he's not here he's not here he's not here he's not here he-
       A warm arm wrapped around me just below my neck, and another holding the right side of my head, pushing me into another soft surface...
       It took me a moment to realize it was Nishinoya's chest that my head was on, and he was caressing me gently. I listened to his heartbeat for a while as I calmed down.
         Thankfully I hadn't actually begun a full panic attack, so I just tried to breathe slowly.
        "Asahi. It's just thunder, ok? Nobody else is here. You're safe," Nishinoya patted my back and released me.
       "Do you want some more tea? It seems to be making your face a little less pale," he asked, smiling widely at me.
        "Oh... you don't have to," I leaned back and tried to relax my shoulders. I didn't want to ask too much from Nishinoya, since he already went through the trouble of coming here to take care of me.
         "No, no, it's ok. Your humble servant shall provide—" he began to march away, but...I couldn't be alone.
        I grabbed the hem of his shirt, just barely grasping it with the tips of my fingers. It was almost not enough to make him stop in his tracks.
        "Please don't leave," I spit out,  accidentally sounding desperate... although it wasn't completely inaccurate.
        He stared into my eyes for a second, then walked back towards me.
        "You must still be shocked... do not worry, I won't leave," he told me sincerely. It was almost scary... he never sounded so serious... but it was ok, as long as he didn't leave yet.

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Haha... hahahaha... I'm so sorry it's taking so longggg T^T. The last two chapters have been shorter than the first ones (1,000 words vs 4,000 words, respectively). Would you Guys rather short and semi-quick chapters or longer chapters?