What Happens Next

VIII. Did you mean it?

JJ sat alone with her friend in their newly shared living room. She held a can of sparking water in her hand, and she had positioned her body to face Reid, who was sitting in a similar position, mirroring his friend.

JJ wore a pair of green plaid pajama pants and a gray zip up hoodie zipped over a black sports bra, while Reid sported a new pair of jeans, and a baggy red pullover. It was a Tuesday night, and he had been living in her house for a total of four days. He stayed at home tending to her mother, while JJ worked her boring job at the local police station, and the kids went to school, and played their sports, and went about their normal lives. Reid slid easily into his role as second caregiver, but his desire to see to his own children was beginning to overwhelm him.

"I thought she would call," he said out loud, continuing a conversation he was having in his head.

"She will," JJ assured. She stared at the man in front of her, and watched his brows furrow and his lips press into each other. She watched his eyes dart from his hands to her to the floor and his phone as he tried to figure out what to do.

"I want to call her," he admitted, flipping his phone over in his hands.

"I know. But it's eleven thirty. Your kids will be asleep anyway, and she's probably asleep too. You should wait. Call her during the day tomorrow," JJ suggested.

"I miss them," Reid said, covering his face with his hands and falling backwards onto the couch. He didn't want to cry, but he thought he would if he continued to talk about it.

"I know, Spence. I know."

After a a while, Reid groaned into his hands and forced himself to sit back up.

"Remember when you told us that Emily died and we lived almost like this for weeks until I felt safe enough to live alone again?"

"Yes," JJ responded tentatively.

"I didn't know I could feel worse than I did then," he stated simply.

"I know it didn't seem like it after you found out the truth, but I was there for you then and I am here for you now. We will figure out how to bring your family back together," JJ declared after a long moment of silent thought.

"I keep thinking about what I'm gonna do if I don't get them back. We keep having this conversation, and talking about how we will find a way but what if we don't? Or what if we do and it doesn't work? I know that I am not strong enough to keep going without my kids."

He thought about the day that Max brought the kids to visit him. How happy he was to walk out into the lobby and hug the only people in the world who mattered to him.

Jason held his sister Addie on his shoulders, allowing her the vantage point she always requested. She had a new clip for her hearing aids, it looked like a button one would pin to their shirt, but through it ran pink wires up and behind her ears so she could hear. She had them dangling from her chest, the Frozen clip being the only reason they weren't missing. That's what had drawn his attention to it so quickly.

Jason wore a blue t-shirt with yellow letters printed on it announcing to the world his commitment to his middle school basketball team. His white shorts didn't exactly match the outfit, but it was the most presentable the thirteen year old could be without special direction from an adult.

Maeve stood behind him, her face showed an image of uncertainty. She didn't know if she should be happy to see her father alive, or angry at him for almost dying in the first place, but at the sound of his voice her face lit up, and her decision was made against her will.

Amelia held no real grudges, but she felt left out of the family, and her body language showed that transparently. She wore a black sweatshirt prominently displaying the logo of the orchestra she had recently joined. She had picked up cello after they had brought the kids to an instrument showcase at their local library while she was in third grade. She loved it, and she was amazing.

Max hesitated when he opened his arms to hug the family. She was reluctant to step forward and hug the man who had damaged their family so greatly, but after watching her children fly over to him and cling to him like magnets, she slowly approached him from the side and kissed his unshaven cheek.

"She kissed my cheek when they came to visit me," he began, "I try to cling to that. I try to focus on the fact that obviously she still cares for me if she could bring herself to do that but the longer I think about it and the more I analyze the situation I start to think that she would have kissed my lips on a regular day; and, I remember that she didn't smile when she saw me, and I think about how she told the kids the thirty minute car ride was too long for her to do more often. It's thirty minutes, JJ. I only got to see them twice."

Reid's throat tightened and he felt as though he was going to cry but nothing was there to come out. He clenched his fists tightly, and his short nails dug tiny divots in his palms.

JJ reached across the couch and grabbed his tight fists. She looked him in the eyes and forced him to relax his hands, she slid her hands from the tops of his to the bottom and gripped his fingers with hers.

"Two times is better than nothing. She cared about you enough to bring your kids to you in the first place and you will see them again," she promised. She stared into his brown eyes, becoming intensely aware of their closeness. She had drawn her face closer to his as she emphasized her statement and now she was frozen, unwilling to pull away. She could hear his breathing clearly, and she could feel his fingers grip hers, pulling her knuckles into his hands.

Truth or dare, Jennifer.

The words rang loudly in her ears as she remembered the night of Rossi's wedding.

Did you mean it?