What Happens Next

XXII. The Same Moon

Reid pulled his phone from his pocket at the feeling of the small buzz that indicated a text message. He smiled at the name that appeared on his screen. He quickly unlocked the phone to read the message: 

"I'm okay. My mom's in the hospital."

He frowned at the message, his fingers rapidly flying around the screen, typing and retyping a message that would show support for his friend. Finally, he settled on offering a shoulder to cry on via phone call-- if she wanted. 

He returned his phone to his pocket before rising from his sofa and wandering into his kitchen, where he found himself pouring a glass of water. He chugged the liquid, anxiously awaiting a response from the blonde on the other end of the line. 

He leaned against the counter, placing his hands behind him for support. JJ stood against her own counter in the same way, but she raised her hand from the counter to read the message from Reid. 

"I'm so sorry. I can call you if you want. We can talk about it. Or not." 

She smiled at his obviously nerve-ridden message, but she lowered her phone to her chest without answering. She held it, the white light shining into the green fabric of her shirt as she contemplated calling the man she knew would make her feel better, and much worse in the same breath. She knew the sound of his voice would ease the pain of her mother's grim situation, but she could already feel the familiar pain of speaking a man who loved someone else. Her hand gripped the phone as if it were connected to his body. She held it as if it were his hand. 

She closed her eyes, and in doing so she allowed herself to remember how he smelled when he wrapped his arms around her weeks prior. She remembered the immediate warmth she felt, and how in his arms she felt as if she could handle the pain of her situation. She felt the ghost of his presence float away from her, as if she had been wrapped in his embrace all over again. 

She sighed, and drew the light from her chest to her face. She typed slowly, choosing her words carefully. 

"I really appreciate it Spence. I'm going to bed now, though. Maybe later."

She clicked off the phone, cutting off the only source of light in the room. Her face faded into the darkness that surrounded her, and she closed her eyes again, allowing herself to disappear completely. 

"What?" Sandy gasped, her knees falling weak at the sound of her daughter's accusation. 

"Ethan Howard raped her. That's why she killed herself. That's why she gave me the necklace. That's why he kept checking up on us," JJ restated, coldly announcing the facts  of her sister's case to her mother.

"I didn't-" Sandy began, her voice catching on the sob forming inside of her, "I didn't know!"

Sandy fell backwards, falling into the chair behind her. She dropped her head into her hands, tears freely falling from her eyes. She shook her head, trying to shake the image of the man who cared so deeply for their family assaulting her baby. 

"I know," JJ replied, resting her hand gently on her mother's pink-floral clad back. 

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but she held back, refraining from breaking down in front of her mother. 

"We could've helped her! I should have helped her!" 

"You should have helped her anyway," JJ whispered to herself, inaudible over the sound of her mother's gasping sobs. 

JJ opened her eyes to the dark kitchen around her. She looked through the large window in front of her, and stared longingly at the moon. 

"You weren't selfish," she whispered to her sister, "you were trying to protect yourself."

A tear fell from her eye, which she quickly wiped up. Her black socks gently tapped the floor as she wandered out of her kitchen and through her front door. The cotton on her feet pulled softly toward the ground, as it caught on her concrete porch on each step. Her legs carried her out into her front yard. The damp grass allowed water to penetrate the thin barrier between her feet and the ground, and the cold on her feet drew her farther into her trance. 

She stared at the moon and smiled, the tears in her dark blue eyes glistening in the dim light of the waning moon. She remembered standing in the grass, only days after her sister's suicide. She thumbed the necklace as she had then, and spoke toward the moon as she did when she was a kid. 

"Mom is sick, Ros. She's really sick, and she doesn't want help. I don't know what to do. I can't just stand there and watch her die. I watched you fall apart. Right before my eyes. And now I'm doing the same thing again with mom. How is that fair?" JJ scoffed, and her eyes flicked away from the moon above her. Down to the grass beneath her feet. The dark green blades sat still, leaving only the leaves in the trees around her to move quietly in the wind. 

She looked back to the dark sky and sighed, "I miss you. I think mom does too. Good luck dealing with her when you see her again. 

She laughed, allowing a tear to fall, "She's a real pain in the ass, you know that? Even more now than when we were kids. You're in for a real treat. . ."

"Maybe she'll be better for you. Happier. Maybe her time here really is up," JJ breathed, after a long pause, "maybe I need to let her go."

"You'll take care of her right? Make sure she's happy? Maybe you can finally find her a boyfriend. I worked on that for years with no luck. I'm sure you know, though, right? I hope you have someone up there who makes you happy. Oh boy would you be angry at me for my love life right now. I'm sure you'd be screaming at me to call the man who makes me happy. You always pushed me to talk about boys. I would have been happy to tell you about Spence. He would have loved you, too," she fell silent, lost in the image of her mind's recreation of the seventeen 'year old's face, aged up to fit alongside Reid's. She imagined him dodging her handshake, despite his declaration that prison broke his germaphobia. She imagined herself at eleven years old, sitting on the floor of her sister's room with a slice of pizza, declaring that she didn't even like boys, despite the crush she had on some ginger kid named Richer. 

"I've gotta go, Ros. I must look like a crazy person standing in the middle of my yard talking to the sky. I just want you to know I miss you, and I love you," she laughed again, "and I wanted to warn you about mom. . . I hope you're doing okay up there. I love you. See you someday."

JJ walked slowly inside, feeling the cool air dance on her skin. Goosebumps made their presence known on her pale, thin arms, and she pushed open the heavy wooden door. 

She re-entered her house, and tracked shallow prints of water across the hardwood floor and up the stairs. The moisture her socks left on the floor evaporated as she walked, and the floors dried before she had time to change her clothes. She slipped into her too-large bed, and covered herself in her large, warm blanket. She checked her phone for the last time before falling asleep. Reid had texted her back in three separate messages saying: 

"Of course. I hope she's okay."

"I hope you're okay."

"Sleep well! Goodnight!"