The Luckycharm -A Brian May fanfiction- English

This is not a movie

"The last thing and I've really took everything" I murmur to myself, closing my suitcase.

Lilibeth hears me, raises her head and she watchs me reach the wardrobe, open it and take out the case of my Red Special. I grab it, close the wardrobe and I come back to the armchair, I place the case on top of my suitcase and I'm ready to leave.

Lilibeth is still looking at me, I swallow hardly but I don't look at her, the silence that reigns in this room is something superhuman. She suddenly gets up, reaches me and she whispers to me: "Don't leave me Brian, please...don't leave me alone"

Just one tear, a slow and warm tear goes down her face, her chest jerks with sobs, her eyes are sad, bitter, unhappy.

"No, no Lilibeth, don't...don't cry" I tell her softly and I hug her tightly.

An impetuous crying breaks out of her soul as soon as I tight her close to me. It seems when Alyce, my second daughter, has a bad dream and she runs to my bedroom to be consoled by her dad who will never abandon her. Lilibeth is also a child, after all, she's like Alyce, she too needs affection, love and dedication.

"Brian, I..." she wavers sobbing, looking up at me "I didn't want to, sorry..."
"Don't worry Lilibeth, don't worry" I try to reassure her, caressing her hair "Nothing happened. You don't have to say that you're alone, you ... you're not ..."
"No Brian, I am really alone..."
"Lilibeth, you'll find a man who loves you, I know it, you'll find a man who really loves you"
"Who would want someone like me?" she screams desperately, and she suddenly moves away from me. I look at her in amazement, but she doesn't come back "Who would want a girl who doesn't think about family but thinks about music, concerts, stories, songs...who, Brian? Who?"
"What are you saying, Lilibeth?" I ask her, pretending I don't understand.
"What I said Brian. Look at me, look at me and think: who would want someone like me?"

I look at her: she's beautiful, even if her eyes are red due to tears and her face is completely wet. The cloud of her brown hair falls on her shoulders softly, it's lightened by the sunlight that filters through the French-door behind her, the lace of her nightgown allows me to glimpse her florid breast and the straps have fallen down to her elbows in the excitement of the moment. If I were an unconscious, I would jump on her now, I'd gladly forget about plane, about Amalia and about all the tasks I'll have to face when I'll come back to London, but I decide once again to be the rational man that my father has always wanted that I was.

"Lilibeth" I start, approaching her "Lilibeth, you have nothing wrong. You must be what you want to be. Do you want to be a singer? Well, be a singer. Do you want to be a musician? Be a musician. You don't have to be a mom or a wife necessarily. If...if you think about it...would you want to be a mom?"

Lilibeth stares at me thoughtfully, she puts her index finger on her lips and thinks for a few moments before answering me: "No, I wouldn't, you're right Brian" she whispers and she raises her eyes "You ... you're right Brian...I don't want to be the...the good wife who waiting for her husband at home and...and who thinks only about houseworks and kids, no...I want to be more, I want to be something more Brian, but...but so we come back to the initial problem: I'll be alone in this way and I don't want to be alone"

I have to change her mind, she is so beautiful, she can't be alone. I think for a few seconds, Lilibeth stays motionless a few steps away from me and I too stand at the foot of the bed.

"I..." I waver "I think it's better to be alone rather than being with someone who don't love us"
"Why do you say this?" she asks me incredulously.
"Because...because I think that the person who is close to us must love us. It's useless to be close to people who don't respect us, Lilibeth, it's only suffering, it's an useless suffering. The friendship...yes, maybe only friendship is the feeling worth fighting for. A friend, a true friend gives us strength, but the greatest strength stays in you, Lilibeth, not in another person, only in you"

Lilibeth stares at me again, this time she's thoughtful, she's breathing heavily. I think she has understood that I know everything, or rather, that I deduced everything about Umberto and her, about their affair. I don't think she's upset with me now, I hope so, but her silence is scaring me, it's questioning about my choice to have been so honest with her.

"It's true..." she murmurs.
"What is true?" I ask.
"You...you've never been a guy Brian, you...you've always been a man"

I can't help smiling at her hearing these words and she smiles too, making me take an imaginary sigh of relief: it's true, I'll never see her again, but I want her to always have a good memory of me at least.

"I...I have to go Lilibeth, it's late"

She nods and I reach her to greet her. I tight her face in my hands, with my thumbs I dry her tears, we close our eyes and our lips meet again. I would like to tell her everything withthis kiss, everything that I didn't have the courage to say her with words, so I hug her tightly, I let my hands run over her young body until they reach her hips, they gently tight them and I take her even more close and me. When our lips come off I lay my forehead on hers and I whisper to her: "You're beautiful Lilibeth, never forget it"

"Thanks" she only answers me and smiles again shyly.

I reluctantly move away from her, I come back to the foot of the bed and I take the coat, my suitcase and the case with the Red Special. I slowly reach the nightstand and I take the keys to the room.

"I leave the keys at the reception and I'll say to come to fix the room later, so...so you can go out and nobody..." I waver.

It's so difficult to make her understand that it's better for both of us that nobody sees us together, I know that this is what she's always forced to do whenever she meets Umberto, I know it well because I too cheat on my wife, unfortunately.

"I've understood Brian, don't worry. I'm going out in a quarter of an hour" and she still smiles at me, but this time hers is a fake smile.

I've ruined everything once again, with my words I've let that the bleak reality that awaits us outside this hotel room break the magic created between us.

"So...so goodbye Lilibeth" I just have the courage to tell her.
"Goodbye Brian and...and have a good trip" she says to me.

Lilibeth bows her head and I quickly reach the door of the room, as if I'm running away after committing a crime. I start to open the door, but a slight sob, a slight moan makes me turn to her again. Her head is still bowed, but I know she's crying.

"Lilibeth" I murmur softly and she lifts up her head.

A tear, a single tear shining like a comet is coming down on her face obscured by sadness. Her eyes are bitter and her gaze is no longer like that of five minutes ago, no, now she's not the girl who is crying because she's afraid of being alone, now she's the woman who is dying of pain because she's about to lose the man she loves. If this were a movie, this would be the scene where he drops everything on the ground, he runs smiling to his lover and hugs her not to leave her anymore. But this is not a movie, this is our life and it's much more complicated than what happens in the films.

I take courage, swallowing, I turn to the other side and open the door, leaving this hotel room forever.