❣ Forelsket ❣ Keigo Takami/Hawks

[Book 2] ↬ Amnesia {4}

For a single, fleeting moment, he thought his ears were devils of deceit. And in spite of the agony carving your perfection on to his heart, he hoped beyond hope that you were lying. He wouldn't lash out, he wouldn't even get angry - promise! All he needed was for you to retract those vulgar words, or to chime in with a regretful smile and a "Just kidding!". He waited. Gods...he waited.

But, something deep within his core was slowly sobering him to the harsh reality.

His harsh reality...and the prospect of whiling away his future without you, without those heart-warming cuddles and the kisses that seem to last a lifetime.

We said 'Forever'...didn't we? Where's our forever? Where's our happy ending? Marriage...children...all those things we talked about, all those things we...things we dreamed of. Where are they?...Where are they?

Would your lips ever meet again? Would he...could he ever move on, ever forget such a rush of emptiness, such extraordinary devastation? He tried desperately to ignore the woebegone whimpers creeping up his throat. If, on the inside, you were still his (Y/n), the woman he adored more than anything or anyone in the universe, then you wouldn't wish him to cry. Still, it was always a close call. The Earth seemed to curtail the pace of its rotations, as he watched every memory you once shared, replay in his head. But...rather than your joyful giggling, your sweet (often sassy) comments...there were screams. His own screams, ringing in the abyss of his mind. They couldn't exactly be heard, more...he sensed the vibrations of his anguish, manifesting into pain-dipped cries that were hellbent on tormenting him, and him alone. Their sound was eclipsed by something much more horrific - the lamentable song of a shattering heart.

Could you hear it? Could you detect such well-veiled sadness?

Why would he tear apart the remaining traces of himself, searching for a forgotten emotion? At this point, it wasn't even buried behind something stronger, like your amnesia, or the confusion of being thrown back into a life you couldn't remember. It was simply non-existent. Why was that so hard to accept? He couldn't let the sadness bleed on to his face. He wanted to look the epitome of emotional strength - maintain his playful façade through all of this pain. It wasn't for his own sake. He just...he wished you the utmost happiness, but he found it difficult, agonising beyond compare, to so much as stomach the thought of being scrubbed from your life. He was your happy place...remember? You told him, each and every time those pitiful tears consumed his face. You stayed up, late into the twilight, admiring his sleeping countenance. And when he caught you in the act, your cheeks illuminated with embarrassment. It was soothing.

Did he really have to let you go?...To relinquish control over your heart?

She's always been a free spirit. I never controlled her...never wanted to. But now...right now...I'd give anything to do just that. Make it so she can't leave...so she doesn't want to.

It was merely wishful thinking. Was he a coward, about to listen in silence as the love of his life spoke of someone new? Was he a coward, frozen in place, and prepared to watch as you walked out? After everything...all the pictures, all the food, the devotion he showed...the memories...

...Was he finally caving? Had you destroyed his heart and soul, completely?

He realised too late that you were gazing past his shoulder, fondly, though evidently still expecting a response. What did you want him to say?...What did you need to hear?

"Oh yeah?" He swallowed thickly, praying that you didn't question the caution in his voice. "...Who?"

You perked up immediately, and leaned forward. "Well, he wouldn't say his name, but he was really hot! At least, I thought he was! He's got a few scars, eh...I think he has a fire quirk? Pretty sure he's a vigilante or something, 'cause he was fighting these street thugs. Oh, and he's got really pretty eyes! They're a deep blue, and his smirk is just..."

Truth be told, Hawks was forced to tune out. Blood thrummed in his ears, so violently that for a minute, he feared something might have exploded. He didn't register your words, or he would have sensed the peril. He would have asserted himself, for your protection, demanded that you never make contact with such a dangerous man again. He would have known...this was certainly no vigilante. This was a villain. This was Dabi. And Dabi was danger personified - definitely no match made in Heaven. Not for someone as angelic as you.

However, it was soon pushed from his mind.

Oh how he wanted, so desperately, to turn back the clock.

He couldn't have ever imagined you so willing to abandon the nest...to abandon him. A harsh lesson was learned, the day he returned home after a regular shopping trip, with you nowhere in sight. His instant panic wasn't unfounded, for you proved elusive. Your room was vacant, some clothes and your phone missing. Not an inch of his façade remained intact, as he scoured the city for you. He cried himself to sleep that night, and his incessant sobs eventually gave way to an unrelenting nightmare. He was unable to stop the flow of tears, accompanied by a thunderous grief. Where did he go wrong? Why did he ever leave, even for a second? He suddenly regretted not paying more attention to your one-sided conversation, not realising who had enraptured you so. He hadn't wished to know, because having that knowledge meant getting hurt, and he was already breaking.

He searched.

In fact, he never stopped. He refused to. As the days became weeks, then months, over-exertion and lack of sleep started catching up. But he couldn't quit. Not now. What if you were close? What if...Heaven forbid...you missed each other by a whisker? He couldn't give up! He couldn't...

...Not even if you willed him to. Oceans, countries, even ordinary people, and those with powerful quirks...nothing would demonstrate resistance in the face of his resolve. All the pain would subside, his nights would no longer be polluted by restlessness and fear. You could be together again. You could be happy! You could be whole! And he was determined to bring you home.

Just a little longer, dove! I won't let this end! I'll make sure we still have a future! I don't care what it takes.

In April, he found you.

[Word Count: 1087]