More then friends // Nichorello AU

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Nicky's POV

I look at my phone. 7pm. Wow. Did I fall asleep again? Why do I even sleep so much these days anyway. I guess its better then not being able to sleep at all, like how it was during my detox. 

I wish that I would've woken up next to Lorna again, she had kept me warm, but now I was freezing. I sigh as I see the blanket that had somehow ended up on the floor. I feel a rush of dizziness come to me, as my head begins to spin.

I keep thinking about last night, still so confused about whether or not it meant something. Am I attracted to women now? I guess I always was but never acted on it, my mother would hate me even more than she already does, her daughter's a junkie as well as a lesbian? What an even bigger disappointment.

Picking up my phone, I wish Lorna would call. Why did I miss her? I've been fine all alone for the past few months. I look at the razor on the table next to my phone, how easy it would be to pick up and hurt myself again, I deserve with how much of a disappointment I am. But I decide to call Red instead, to take my mind off things. I should tell her I'm doing ok.

"Hi, you called Red. Please leave a message and I'll call you back" I hear the Russian accent I missed hearing. 

"Hey, it's me, Nicky. I hope you are alright ma. As for me, I'm doing ok. I guess I just called because I haven't heard from you in so long. Anyway, I'm feeling kind of confused lately. I don't have anyone else to talk to but you, I hope you can call me back soon. I'll be here. Bye ma."

Lorna's POV

Should I call her? Should I not? Crap Lorna, don't lead her on like you did to Christopher. I need to embrace the fact I like women. In particular, I like Nicky. 

Women. That's the reason I could never love Christopher. I thought if I started dating him, I would somehow prove to myself that I couldn't be gay. I knew that him being abusive was partly my fault, I didn't love him. And I think he somehow knew that. I would always refuse to do anything more intimate than kissing, and that always felt like a chore. He would always try to force me to have sex, but I would come up with excuses all the time. He would hit me, or punch me, or throw something at me, then he would go to sleep in his seperate room, come back the next morning and act all sorry and say it would never happen again. But it did, in fact. Every night for six months. Until one night I had enough, and I left the apartment. And took a bottle of vodka and aspirin with me. Next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital. Someone had found me on the roof of the apartment complex we lived in. 

I told the doctors at the hospital about Christopher, and how I was trying to end my life. The police raided the apartment the next day, he was locked up for three days. Enough time for me to convince my ex Vinny to help me get my stuff out of there. Another guy I lead on, but this guy had a good heart. And he still loved me. But I couldn't reciprocate the feelings, and I knew it hurt him. 

They let Christopher go. Something about insufficient evidence to hold him for any longer. But he wasn't allowed to contact me, and the police didn't tell him where I was. Which was good enough, I guess. 

I should call Nicky. Tell her what I said last night did mean something, but what I don't know. I can't be in love with someone I just met, right? I want to talk to her, but I feel like I'm being too intrusive. Maybe I should just wait and see if she comes into work tomorrow. 

sorry this is semi short, i feel like this story is moving so slow lol i'll try and make it more interesting :)