Always and Forever

chapter 9

Lily's pov-
I made my way up to the library after breakfast, Remus walking beside me. We both had decided we needed to study, but I knew I couldn't stay long. I had to speak to Marlene. I needed to tell her about James. But did I? I mean what is there to tell really? I was upset, he comforted me. Nothing more to it. In fact, he shouldn't have taken advantage of me when i was so fragile. Yes, exactly, it's his fault.

But he did offer to sleep on the floor...

'Yes but he shouldn't have been there at all' I firmly shut my thoughts down, not wanting to think it into something it wasn't.

"Who shouldn't have been where?" Remus asked. Crap, I had said it out loud.

"Oh erm, nothing. Doesn't matter" he gave he a sideways glance, arching an eyebrow in question. I smiled at him innocently and didn't offer further explanation. He knew me better than to push. We settled into a round table in the back of the library, the tall bookshelves guarding our intimate space.

"For merlins sake, Ive only gone and left my potions notes in potions!" Remus exclaimed as he searched through his bag again, "I'll be back in a bit Lily, I'm gonna go fetch them."

"You could use mine if you want," I offered, but he shook his head.

"I'll need my own at some point" I nodded and he waved, before turning and waltzing gracefully through the maze of shelves and piles of books.  I sighed and pulled out my parchment and quill, setting to work on my charms essay. The library was quiet, but the natural hustle of moving bodies and quills filled up the walls substantially. I began to write about the charm we had practiced in lesson, noting the motion and the incantation. I finished writing and rolled it up neatly, clearing the table of my stuff and slotting it neatly into my bag. If Remus had come back, I hadn't noticed. His bag was gone so I assumed he was in the common room. I sighed heavily and began the journey back to gryffindor dorms. I gave the password to the fat lady and walked into the common room.

"Hey Lily," James beckoned me over to him with the sound of his voice.

"Not now Potter," I ignored his face, which had fallen and his eyes which searched me quizzically. I turned away and sauntered up the stairs as casually as I could, not turning to meet the eyes that burned into me.

"Oh. My. Merlin," I groaned and flopped down onto my old bed dramatically. Marlene instantly stood up and sat beside me, twisting my hair into a long french plait. Alice and Mary came and sat on Marlene's bed, next to mine.

"What's wrong Lils?" Mary asked, i groaned again and rolled over as soon as Marlene tied the end of my hair.

"Potter. That's what's wrong" i drawled, spacing out the words for effect. Math giggled and Alices mouth hung open.

"Have you finally realised you like him??" Alice leaned forwards, pleading me to answer her questions. I felt my mouth drop open and my cheeks go pink.

"What! No. Nothing like that. He just slept in my bed a couple of times," it was their turn to be shocked.

"Did anything happen Lily?" Marlene leaned closer before whispering, "do you need some morning after potion?" I pushed her away, giggling.

"No Marls, nothing happened. I just had a bad dream and he was there."

"And he didn't leave? All night..." Mary looked at me, a mixture of shock and amusement playing with her feautures.

"He offered to sleep on the floor," I mumbled, not willing to meet their eyes. Alice gasped.

"He offered and you let him sleep in the bed anyway?" I nodded sheepishly and Marlene let out a girly laugh.

"You do so like him" I didn't bother denying, did I like him? He's definitely changed. But I didn't like him right? He's just the same arrogant git. But he's not anymore, he really seems like he cares now. "Lily?" Marlenes voice snapped me out of my thoughts, dragging me back to earth.

"What does it matter anyway? He's clearly over me," I paused thinking carefully, "maybe he never even liked me, maybe he just wanted to annoy me".  I finished triumphantly. This was the first time I'd admitted to myself that I was developing feelings for Potter.

"Oh lily, you can't possibly believe that! He's been smitten with you since at least third year." I shook my head at Alice, her words had the power to cloud my head but I needed to think that he didn't want me. I needed that so I could distance myself and get over whatever little crush was bugging me.

"Go ask him if you don't believe me." I scoffed and turned to Marlene. I knew she only wanted to help but I needed to avoid James at all costs.

"It doesn't matter, he would never go out with someone like me when he could get literally any girl in the entire school," my friends groaned and we all flopped backwards onto our beds simultaneously. "I'll just leave it. It's probably for the best anyway. So Alice, what's going on with Frank?"

"Oh yea, we never talked about the revelation of you losing your innocence" Marlene perked up beside me, leaning back into her elbows, her long dark hair hung in ringlets down her back. Alice blushed, her face turning very pink as she played with the tassels on the throw at the end of her bed.

"Everything's great. I was ready and so was he. We were safe" she gazed off, she looked besotted. I smiled at her.

"How many times?" Mary asked, not bothering to hide her giggles.

"Mary!" Alice exclaimed, nudging Mary in her ribs, "8, but it's been four weeks so." We all fell back laughing as Alices cheeks turned positively pink. She turned to face Mary, "you can't talk, I hear you moaning Remus' name on a night." It was Mary's turn to blush as we all fell about laughing.

"It's just a crush, I'm sure it'll fizzle out soon." She looked confident, not even embarrassed at Alice's revelation. She just turned to Marlene, passing the spotlight to her. "So, who are you taking to the Halloween ball?"

Marlene shrugged, "I'm more of a wing woman than a player in the game of love" we all collapsed in peals of laughter again.

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James' pov-
I was sat in the gryffindor common room, something about it made it seem more relaxing than the heads common room. I started to work on my homework, dazed as the fiery redhead, that I thought had finally grown to like me, had hurried past me, ignoring my voice. I tried to turn back to my potions essay, convincing myself that it was nothing. What was nothing? The feelings or her ignoring me? Was I trying to pretend she liked me or that she hadn't just ignored my existence? I stared at the blank piece of parchment, willing myself to knuckle down.

Shortly after, I heard the portrait being opened and I looked up to see Sirius entering, eating a chocolate frog as he walked.

"Oh hey prongs!" He looked up and greeted me.

"Pads I need help" I groaned in response, dragging out the word "help" until he came and sat next to me on the couch.

"'sup?" He leaned over to inspect my parchemnent.

"Not with potions," I snapped, "with Evans." He sniggered and turned to face me completely.

"Right so..." I explained how I had slept in the same bed as her the night of the incident and how I had done it again when she had a nightmare. I told him how that confused things slightly because I wasn't completely over her (he snorted at this, like it was the most obvious thing in the world). I talked about how knowing that she thought I was the fittest in this school made things even more complicated. He listened intently, until I stopped talking abruptly. "What do I do?" I groaned again and flopped back into the cushions.

"You want my honest opinion?" I nodded certainly, "she likes this new you. The version that doesn't hex everyone and that she can actually talk to. Give her time Prongs and I reckon you'll have her." I looked up at him, searching for any kind of humour on his face.  When I noticed he was being deadly serious, I pulled him into a man hug.

"Thanks Padfoot, you always know exactly what to say," he chuckled and walked away to play Wizarding chess with a sixth year. I rolled up my potions essay and shoved it into my bag, crumpling the edges slightly. Slowly, I made my way back to the heads common room, in hope that i might actually get some work done there instead.