Always and Forever

chapter 10

Lily's pov-
The bulk of September seemed to go by in a flash, I hardly spoke to James, ignoring him on our rounds and avoiding him where possible everywhere else. He had been annoyed at first but that slowly shifted into confusion. I didn't give him any explanation as to why I was suddenly shutting him out. I mean what could I say really? I think I have feelings for you but I would never admit that so I'm just going to ignore it and avoid you at all costs. Great reasoning Lily.

I spent most of my days with Remus or Marlene, Mary and Alice. I studied, I gossiped, I ate and slept and bathed. I got myself into a routine, a routine that I was happy with. James didn't consume my thoughts 24/7 anymore. It was more like 21/7. But at least that was an improvement. I managed to ignore him for just over three weeks, it was hard, I'll admit, having to look at his perfectly chiseled jaw, his crooked smile, his round glasses and his goddamn messy hair. Why was it always so messy anyway? Wasn't there a spell for that?

It was a Monday when I spoke to him finally. I had stopped talking to him on Saturday 3rd and it was now Monday 26th so I figured I'd had enough time to get my feelings in check.

"Potter. Ready for our rounds?" I stood above him, spying a glance at the thing he was working on, he was drawing graphs for astronomy. He looked up, his face uncertain.

"Um, yeah sure," he was hesitant and I guessed he was confused as to why I'd suddenly decided to talk to him. He rose slowly, shutting his book and using his parchment as a bookmark. I turned and lead him out of the common room and into the hallway, pausing as he climbed out after me.

"So," I tried to think of a subject I could make conversation out of without it being too awkward.

"So, you've stopped ignoring me now?" He asked curtly. I flinched at his tone, but I knew I deserved it.

"I'm sorry Potter, it was wrong, I know."

"So then why?" I hadn't expected him to challenge me, he deserved an explanation. I just wasn't sure I had one to give.

"I was going through some stuff, I needed space to think things over." I kept it as brief as possible, praying that he wouldn't ask more questions.

"Space in general or space from me?" He stopped and turned to face me. The hurt in his eyes was clear.

"In general," I lied, it wasn't the most believable but I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"Right. That's why you talked to anyone and everyone except me." The anger was rising in his voice now and i could feel my cheeks burning.

"I'm sorry,"

"Yes I know. You said." I flinched at his cold words but stared at him bravely.

"You know what, I don't know why I tried. You're too arrogant to see what's right in front of your face. Of course I had to think about things. I'm a teenage girl I've got no idea what goes through my head on a daily basis, this is not about you. It's about me." I tried to calm my voice but I was aware I was failing greatly. Even if I had managed, my cheeks gave away my anger and frustration.

"You have no idea how you hurt other people do you? You can't just ignore someone for 23 days and then expect everything to be fine." He sounds calm but his face shows off every angry emotion that he holds, "I thought we were finally friends".

"Well we're not. If we were friends you wouldn't make me feel this way!" I meant to tell him how much he made me feel safe and secure and how much I liked him, but one look at his face and I realised how it sounded. I didn't know what to do, I succumbed to the anger brewing inside of me. "You can finish the rounds on your own." I yelled and I stormed off to the common room.