insecurely confident

CHAPTER 14: Oblivious Victoria

I didn't know what to tell him. So i just stood there and remembered when we were fifteen and i was telling him about how all the girls had boyfriends and i hadn't even had my first kiss.

He kissed me. Yes Ian was my first kiss and i was his but he told that after the kiss.
He told me "One day Martinez i will also be your first boyfriend"

I thought he said that because he didn't want me to feel bad. I thought he was just giving me comfort i even scoffed when he said it.

But there he was Infront of me confessing his love for me but all i could think about was Blane. Why was I thinking about him when one of the people who would never hurt me even in my dreams said he loved me.

He was still standing there waiting for an answer. I looked back and saw Blane he was standing there as if he was also waiting for my response which I didn't have.

I looked at Ian who i had known my whole life. And i said tried to form words but what came out of my mouth was stutters do i just turned around and ran till i was in my room.

All the boys had woken up so i was alone in my room. I couldn't believe how clueless i had been. I couldn't remember a moment when Ian wasn't the one who would be there to help me or just make me laugh.

I loved Ian. But i wasn't in love with Ian. I considered him an elder brother. I would do anything for Ian even learn to be in love with him but my heart had its own ideas.

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I stayed in my room but i had a snack stash so i didn't get hungry. The sun was already setting so i decided it was time to get up and head downstairs.

I was in a sweatshirt and my short shorts. I went into the living room, Blane was watching TV then he turned to me with a smile.

" I thought you'd stay in there till tomorrow"

"I didn't want you to miss me too much"

"Yeah right, everyone's gone its just us"

I sighed in relief i really didn't want to see how disappointed Ian looked.

He got up and went into the kitchen. He came back with a tub of Ice cream.

"Ice cream makes everything better"
He said

"Thanks"

We eat the ice cream together and avoided the topic. It was getting really late so we decided to got to upstairs.

I went to his room and i slept in his bed cause he asked me too. Not because I wanted to be close to him and look at him sleep. Lie.

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I got out of the car. I saw my boys on their usual spot. I took deep breaths and went to them. But when Ian saw me i smiled at him but he got up amd left. I said hy to Brian and Ric.

Classes were boring amd i kept on thinking about Ian he didn't even speak to me. I was determined to speak to him during lunch.

Lunch he was nowhere to be seen. Even Ric didn't know where he was. I figured I could talk to Ric when we went to the smoothie hut. Brian was not joining us cause he had to be there for Alex when he came out to his parents.

It was just Ric and I. Cynthia came in for her shift i waved but she completely ignored me. I brushed it off and decided i will talk to her as soon as i was done talking to Ric.

I asked him if he knew about Ian's feelings for me.

"We all knew Tony, even Frank. We talked to him and told him to talk to you about it but he said it wasn't the right time yet. Ypu really are clueless huh!"

They all knew, But i was oblivious after all the things he did for me.

"Uh Ric i Really had no idea. How's he doing? He has been avoiding me"

" He's good he just not himself. He mainly just stays quiet ams doesn't want to talk about it"

"Ric you know i love your brother but i love him the same way i love you and Brian and Frank. You guys are like my brothers. I don't think I will be able to be in love with Ian"

"It's okay Tony. Love isn't forced just talk to him. It will take him some time but he will heal."

"Thanks Ric. I hope we could go back to normal i would hate myself if Ian and I kept on not talking"

He sighed.
"So Blane huh?"

"Don't start..." He laughed "Okay I have to go see you tomorrow"

He got up and left. I sat there and went through my phone for a while. I saw Cynthia without customers so i headed over to her.

I said hy to her but she didn't even spare me a glance. I honestly didn't know why she was also angry at me. So i asked her severally what was up with her until she told me.

"Want to know 'what's wrong'.." she did use quotation marks with her fingers before she continued.

"You know what i freaking knew Ian you. I wasn't blind i could see how he looked you when you didn't notice. But you told me to go after him if i really liked him and i did. I was stupid enough to listen to you and I put myself out there and now I just feel stupid all because of you"

She had snaped. Even Cynthia noticed that Ian had feelings for me. She hadn't even known him that long .

"I'm sorry Cynthia. I had no idea Ian had feelings for me. I'm really sorry if i made you feel stupid."

I got up and went to my car and drove off. I drove till home.

Blane wasn't home. I was bumbed cause he was the only I could think of that could distracte me from all the Ian drama.

I took the opportunity to call Cici and say hy since we hadn't talked in a while. We talked for a while before I decided to also call my mom.

I video called her cause I had really missed her and her face I also wanted to ask her about the Ian situation to get her advice.

After i explained the situation.

"Sweetheart we both know what you should do. You've known him for a long time and I know you don't want to loose him. Call me and meet up. Talk to him he needs exposure and then maybe his feelings for you would no longer be a problem. I know you'll do the right thing.
Amd P.S even i knew he liked you"

"Wow so everyone knew except stupid oblivious Victoria Martinez "

We laughed and i suddenly heard a voice.

"Honey food's ........."

I knew that voice all too well. It was a voice i wished i would never have to hear. He was silent once he saw me on the screen amd my mom was shocked terrified even. The face i grew to hate day by day but never faded from my mind.

What was hse doing with him. I was furious i disconnected the call. My phone kept on ringing it was her again and again. I so angry i threw it to the wall and felt a little bit relieved when i saw the phone break and lay on the ground.

I shouted. I screamed. For what felt like hours until Blane came home. He came to my room in a hurry but he didn't ask why i was having another one of my wierd break downs.

He just held me as i balled my eyes out. He didn't say a word. My head rested on his chest as he hugged the rest of my body and moved me clser to him.
I felt my anger reduce to a normal level .
We just stayed there but didn't say anything.