A Change (of fate)

If I Could Tell Her

"Chelsea, I really need to talk to you"
"Same, I can tell th-that you've been acting different"
"You can?"
"Yes"
"Okay... Well, I tried to tell you yesterday but, it's to do with Shell"
"Shell? But she died ages ago!"
"Well a month and one day but that's not the point. It's, she..."
"You liked her didn't you? You're afraid there won't be an-ny one else like her"
"Well yes but that's not actually-"
"Y-you want t-to break up with me d-don't you?"
"What?"
"Please! James. I can't do this an-nymore!"
"No I don't-"
"James, I'm going home!"
"What? No! Not like this!"
"James. Good bye James. James! James!-
-James! James! Get up! James!"
Few, that was just a dream. Good thing too.
"James!"
"Gah!"
So I wake up from a nightmare with someone jumping on top of me. Good thing it was only Chelsea I guess.
"Hehe, that was kind of cute"
"Please don't scare me like that"
"Only if you can return the deal!"
"What?"
"You scared me James, you were tossing and turning, slightly crying, and actually calling out my name! I don't like seeing you like that!"
"Oh, sorry"
Do I talk to her now? After the dream, I'm not sure if I want to.
"James, if you want, you can tell me about it, the nightmare. If it helps."
Okay then
"I guess I should. Look, I tried to tell you yesterday. You need to know. I'm not happy with how I- we are living right now"
"I did suggest yesterday we could go in a cave-"
"No. That's not what I mean. Do you remember Shell?"
"Oh, that poor girl. Yes she was lovely, one of your closest friends, wasn't she?"
"Yes, well, it was a month since her death and..."
"James?"
"I'm sorry, this is really hard. Hard on me, you, us"
"I'm not sure I understand sorry"
"No, you couldn't"
"James, I don't want you to be reminiscing about the past if it hurts you like this"
"No you need to know. Before I left home, before I learnt about how this... fur and everything came about, my father played a recording for me. It was Shell"
"Oh, James. What was it about"
"Well, It was something she somehow managed to record whilst she was going down. Seconds before her death"
"What? How-"
"It was her speaking, and..."
"And...? She must have had a reason to do this."
"She... She didn't want me to be doing what we are currently doing!"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, Shell had big dreams of how I would 'change the world', by 'opening their eyes' and 'loving m-"
"What? Loving what?"
"Myself. Who I am. Who I was, who I've become"
"Well, that couldn't be too hard. No?"
"No. C'mon Chelsea, how can I love myself? Look at me! I'm a monster! I'm a hideous, clawry, stupid dog-faced, water-lapping, ugly monster! How The Heck Am I Meant To Be 'opening the eyes of others' When All They'll See Is This Anyway?"
"James!"
"S-sorry..."
"It's okay, just take some deep, clam breaths. In, and out. Now, you've told me what you see. Now let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mother, who don't take no crap off of nobody!"
"Really? Cool Runnings?"
"Yes, now all references aside, I do see a lot of that in you. But I see more. Let's start on the outside and gently work inwards"
This is starting to feel like a meditation session.
"On the outside, you said?"
"I'm a monster, but on the inside too-"
"Nuh Uh! We're only focusing on the outside for now. Now tell me, why is your 'monstery' appearance a problem for changing the world's perspective on you?"
"As always, monsters scare people off"
"Why do you think that is?"
"I dunno, people don't like what's different? They, don't like change so don't wish to accept what's different?"
"And if nothing ever changed, where would society most likely be at right now?"
"R-   right where it started! Which means there must be people who are willing enough to accept what's different to allow society to progress, otherwise we'd still be in caves!"
"Or just someone inspirational enough to convince the boring naysayers to change their mind"
"Thanks Chelsea, you've once again put me in a better mood. And inspired me to actually do something about my situation"
"Right. And what was your situation again?"
"Oh! I never finished talking to you about that, did I? Well, Shell wanted me to be something. To not let me difference make me hide, instead she wanted me to shine, take on the world, prove that anyone can be accepted"
"We-well you can't do that like this!"
"I know, that's why I want to leave, stop living like this and actually be something, for Shell"
"Then it's settled! We'll head off as soon as we're ready!"
"Wait! What? Nothing is settled"
"What do you mean?"
"You're not doing this with me!"
"Excuse me?"
"Look, this is a big task-"
"Which is exactly why you need me"
"Which is exactly why I can't take you with me. Look, this situation is not fair on you, you're actually a normal person, you have the opportunity to live a normal life, and I've taken that away from you. You still need to live a normal life, an education, the opportunity to be a kid while you can before you get old. You can still do all that, and I'd feel horrible if I took that away from you. I want to leave you, for you"
"Oh, James! I know you feel bad for thinking that you're removing those opportunities for me, but the truth is, I chose to leave those things because who am I to let myself benefit whilst the one I love needs me but I'm not there? You need me, and I need you. End of discussion"
Fine, she won, I let her know that. And so we finished with our final week of just us two. It wasn't to bad actually, I didn't need to hunt anymore because we were finishing off the supplies so nothing would go to waste. I actually cooked some of the meals because of my spare time. It was a bit of a sad week actually, because even though I was so ready to change my situation, the wild, self-sufficient life, I enjoyed it. But now it was time to head into the real world, maybe expose a few of Russia's secrets along the way...