Charles' POV
Something is different every time I come home.
It feels different, like the air surrounding the constraints of my house is building up an extreme amount of pressure around me. With every step I take I feel as if I'm being pushed back, and every step forward ends up a battle between my body and my heart.
There was a time where I believed this was because the hours of the day felt longer and I pushed my body past its limits. Coming home felt more like a chore for me, because my nights consisted of extra work at the office and a nearly one hour drive back home.
But the more I've tried to figure out why there was an uneasy feeling in my chest and a pit in my stomach whenever I walked past the front door, I've began to realize that it wasn't the long hours or the agonizing drive back to town that made my home feel different.
It was Y/n. She's different.
She isn't here with me anymore. I often find myself feeling alone, resorting to bottles of wine or champaign to keep me off the brink of insanity. She used to always be with me, I can't remember a time she wasn't by my side. She was everywhere I turned, with her hand in mine, lips against my skin, her soft voice muttering the three words that consumed our relationship.
Those times when she was there for me, it was almost strange for us to not be together. We were a package, there was barely anything that was "I" anymore, it was always a "we." And that was something that began to scared me. I was unappreciative of love, unappreciative of affection and the feeling a woman had given me. I was so immune to the euphoria it gave me that I had moved onto other things. I put my love life second.
She was never a first choice to me anymore. She was in the back of my mind, pushed far away from the life I was living. She could tell I was disconnected from the relationship we had, but she kept telling me she knew I loved her and that I was completely blinded by ignorance. She refused to leave until I told her I didn't love her anymore.
I didn't tell her that. I couldn't.
It took me months for reality to hit—when I started feeling lonely and misplaced. I needed her, I needed what she had given me. It kept me sane, it kept me grounded. She gave me a set of direction, to know where to end up by the day's end. Without her, there really is no start of a new day, or an end of a night. Every day is the same, and there was no sense of time.
Nothing moved without her.
I frown as I'm greeted with silence and complete emptiness. A place where I used to feel comfort and love has turned into a place that makes me feel anything but whole. It's as if a part of me evaporates and every inch of me feels cold and numb.
If I were to just make her understand how wrong I've been, maybe the hurt in my heart and the squeezing in my chest would disappear. If she would to just greet me at the door, the way she always had upon my arrival, maybe the parts of me that died along with my relationship would begin to feel whole again.
But I never know what to say to her. I never know what to do. Because even though the both of us live in the same square feet, reaching out to her is as hard as ever. And it's all because I never appreciated the times I was able to.
I slowly head to our bedroom, desperate to fight for the woman I had fallen in love with. I've waited too long to fix the pieces I've broken, and I'm convinced that if I were to waste another night with an empty side to the bed, I would completely break, too.
"Y/n?" I call, slowly opening our bedroom door.
"Y/n, baby, I really have to talk to y—"
I halt when I hear the voice of my love through the bathroom door. Her voice, the delicacy and sincerity of it, filling the increasingly deep spaces around us, almost patching up every crack between us.
"So tell me you're strong, tell me you see. I need to hear it, can you promise me to keep your eyes open, my love"
My eyes flutter shut, resting my forehead upon the bathroom door, embracing the passion and beauty she always had within her.
To hear her, in such a way that I do now, brought me to a point of emotion I'd never experienced before. Every minute, every second I've spent without her is overwhelming me with utter guilt and sadness. She deserves better than me, so much better than me, yet she still hasn't left me the way I left her.
I've always questioned it, why she hasn't left me. She wouldn't have had lost much, only the shadow of what once was my greatest and deepest love for her. She held on and never believed I've ever stopped loving her. She knew that in the end of all our conflicts, our love would conquer all. She knew that.
"So show me your fire, show me your heart. You know I'll never let you fall apart if you keep your eyes open, my love"
In my moment of weakness, my shaking fingers grip the door knob to open the door. My love, Y/n, is the first thing I see. If not, the only thing I see. She's lighting candles around the already filled bathtub, dimly illuminating the darkened bathroom.
Her head whips around when she hears the creek at the door, her once peaceful demeanor now uplifting into happiness when she looks at me.
"Charles!" She smiles softly, placing the lighter that was once held in her hands gently onto the edge of the bathtub. "I made you a bath. I know you've been working really hard lately. I taped the football game you missed last night, made the water extra hot, and have a towel out for you."
I haven't taken my eyes off of her yet, keeping my gaze right on her beautiful face, desperately hoping she can feel every bit of me craving every bit of her.
"And since you're picky with the amount of bubbles you like in your bath, I left your favorite scented ones right by the shampoo. Lavender and kiwi."
My heart melts as she speaks, her sweet consideration and thoughts for me making every inch of my body feel warm.
If there's one thing about our relationship that has stayed the same through all this time, it's her heart. It was always the most evident part to her. She genuinely cares and loves for me, always finding ways to make me happy and put me first. And even though I've given her nothing but hurt, she still cares for me the way she always had.
"Will you be joining me?" I ask, tilting my head slightly to the side as I look at her t-shirt covered body.
She picks up the lighter again, fiddling with the object between her digits. She presses her her lips crushing together in a straight line, hesitation evident in her lips.
"Oh, um—no. I have a lot of work to do and I'm assuming you want to be alone after yo—"
"Please" I whimper, my voice cracking, not giving a damn if I sound desperate and vulnerable.
"I—I haven't held you in a while." I breathe out, my eyes fluttering shut, taking it everything in me to not run to her right now.
She bites her lip as she looks at me, as if searching for any trace of doubt in me. I need her, I need her back. I need to love her again, need to feel her love on me and feel her heart against mine. I won't be able to live with myself if I break her away from me. If I don't let her know how much I need her in this moment, she'll never know, and she deserves to.
"O—okay. I can join you, then." she blushes, fingers brushing her hair out of her face and behind her ear.
We both undress until we are both bare in front of each other. And it's now that I've come to realize the beauty of what we are given; everything we are gifted with. I haven't seen her in such a state in a while, it's impossible for me to resist myself as my fingers glide against her sides.
"You're so beautiful, angel" I whisper, pressing my lips against her neck, "such pretty baby."
She hums, wrapping her arms around my waist as placing her head gently against my chest. I brush my fingers through her hair as I kiss the top of her head, embracing the feeling of her body against mine.
"You should go in before the water gets cold." she giggles.
I chuckle slightly, maneuvering my body from hers before I step into the bath. The water stings at first, but I quickly get immune to the temperature against my skin. She follows my movements, stepping into the bath and sinking into the water.
Her back is against my chest, her arms laying on top of my legs. I smile softly before I dip my hand into the water and rub it onto her skin. She hisses at the burn, but relaxes once the heat begins to sooth her muscles. Once her skin is covered in water, I wrap my arms around her waist. I place my cheek upon her back, drawing hearts along her abdomen.
Holding her from behind, I begin to move my lips along her damp shoulder. I'm not kissing her, not yet, but exploring every inch of her body with my most loving features.
"Missed you." I mumble, my lips now feathering light kisses where her shoulder meets her neck. "Been missing you so much."
Her head lulls back onto my shoulder, a small whine leaving her lips as she grants me more access to her now chilled neck. I kiss along her throat, keeping each kiss on her skin for seconds at a time.
"I'm so sorry, baby" I mutter, "I love you, I always have."
My throat tightens as a tear slowly falls down my cheek. I hear her suck in a small breath as my fingers brush her chest, over where her heart beats.
"Come closer to me, you're so far away."
And both figuratively and literally, I feel her coming closer to me than she ever has before. We were touching, all parts of us meeting again into a loving bliss, and my surrender on keeping her away from me has become a treasure.
I lean closely to her ear, placing my lips upon her skin. My fingers find their way to her clit, the pads of them making slow but pressured circles against it.
She shivers as she moans my name, but quickly recovers after I whisper a raspy "Turn around."
She does so as slowly as possible. We both know this isn't urgent intimacy, it's a time for us to become one, to connect in ways we haven't in months. It's a time for our love to resurface to where it belongs.
She grabs my face between both of her hands, lowering her face so that our foreheads and noses are touching. She kisses me passionately, her thumbs rubbing along my flushed cheeks. I grab her hips, lifting her up so that she can sink down on me. We both leave the kiss to moan, our heads back for only the slightest moment before she puts her face against mine again.
She moves her hips slowly, occasionally grinding her hips against mine. My teeth clench together as she slides against me after a couple of moments. Her eyes glisten as she looks passionately into mine, biting her lip as she watches me moan under her pleasure.
She moans, her mouth remaining open as my hips move up to meet hers. I continue to pleasure her as I begin to kiss her again, tongue rubbing against hers and lips mushing together in the most delicate ways. I take my hands away from her hips to her hair, where the hair tie holds every piece out of her face. I let her hair down so that it flows below her shoulders. I admire it for a moment, but quickly gather her hair between the palm of my hand and fingers, almost as if her hair is up again, and pull her neck neck down. She whimpers from the pleasure, her breathing harsh as I suck on every inch of her neck. Her fingers scratch my shoulders, but it's the feeling I've missed ever so dearly.
"I love you. So much. My everything." I pound into her faster, one hand in her hair and the other on her hips, giving her my all, in the most gentle way I can muster.
"Your everything" she manages to breathe out.
I run my lips against her again, every part of her, from her collar bones to her shoulders, and from her shoulders to the crease of her under arms.
"I'm there" she groans, I'm close."
She reaches out for my back, and once she does, she slides ever so closer to me. The new position drives the both of us wild, and every part of our will-power disappears even faster than before.
She holds onto me, squeezing me, just like she used to. And she's closer to me now, closer than I could have ever wished for, and I could never love her more.
