Always, Yours

9 - Drunken Confessions

warnings: angst, the fear of the future and regret of the past

***

"You found the pictures?" you asked, sitting down on the edge of your bed.

"How long?" Tom shot back, pacing the room.

"How long...?" You trailed off, knowing exactly what he meant but not having the guts to say it. Your liquid courage quickly turned your stomach uneasy.

"How long have you liked me? How long have you been keeping this from me?"

"I tried to tell you Tom, all the time. I just- I never found the words..."

"Found the words? It's simple, Y/N, three simple fucking words."

"Oh, they're simple, huh?" You shouted back, standing up to confront him.

"Right. So why have you gone this long just not ever admitting them?"

"I was going to, Tom. I was so close to shouting it from the rooftops nearly every second we spent together. You don't even get it, do you? You don't even understand?"

"Understand what? Y/N, your pictures made it very clear," Tom argued, sitting down on his bed after stumbling slightly.

"I've l-loved y-y-you for so long Tom. And I was going to tell you. There were so many times I would've told you, I just never got the chance."

"Never got the chance?"

"No! Tom, you don't get to be mad at me. You know I- I s-struggle with what to say."

"That's not an excuse."

"How can you say that Tom?"

"What?"

"How can you say that when I told you I loved you two years ago while you were busy hooking up with Katie?!"

"What?" Tom asked incredulously.

"Two days after prom. I called you. I left you a voicemail, poured my heart out to you. And you acted like it never happened."

"Y/N... I never got a voicemail from you after prom."

18 Years Old

"Tell him, Y/N, from someone who had to hide who she loved for years because she knew the world wouldn't accept us, you shouldn't waste your time."

"I know mum, I just... We're best friends. And ruining our friendship just so I can maybe have my feelings reciprocated..."

"Don't be daft!" Your mum rolled her eyes. "If anything, not telling him is what's creating tension between the two of you."

"You know what, you're right. I'll call him, tell him we need to talk. We can meet on the tracks like we did when we were kids... It'll be perfect."

"There you go." Your mum smiled while rubbing your back, your hands shaking slightly as you dialed Tom.

It went straight to voicemail, your nerves getting the best of you as you left a message.

"Hey Tom. It's Y/N. Of course you already know it's me because I'm in your contacts. But I need to tell you something. I might as well tell you now, just because something like this is so much easier to say when I don't have to face rejection or whatever. But I love you Tom. God, I've loved you for so long I can't remember what life was like before I loved you."

Katie frowned when she saw Tom left this phone on her couch after prom. She picked it up, seeing a missed call from you.

She listened to the voicemail, no shock to her that you were confessing your love for Tom. The thing about you and Tom was that everyone knew how you both felt. Everyone but the two of you.

But Katie didn't seem to care that you loved Tom, she didn't seem to care that you and Tom had an inseperable bond. She's headstrong, always got what she wanted.

With a few clicks, she deleted your voicemail, seemingly sealing your fate for the next few years.

The doorbell rang and Katie stood up, shutting off Tom's phone as if she was never on it.

"Hey Tom." She smiled, leaning against the door. "You forgot something." She held up his phone, waving it around.

"Thanks! I uh, sort of rushed out of here..." Tom said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"All good, I'll see you around sometime?"

"Most definitely, sure. Any calls or anything?" He asked, pocketing the phone.

"Oh no." Katie shook her head. "I think it must've died or something."

"Oh, well, thanks anyway." Tom nodded, walking backward down her front steps.

"Bye!" Katie called out, shutting the door behind her.

***

Present Day

"So, Katie must've deleted the voicemail or something. Because I didn't even get a message from you."

"Why would she do that?" You asked, slightly skeptical.

"I don't know. But if I heard that voicemail... Y/N, everything would be different." Tom sat next to you, placing a hand on top of your shaking leg.

"So all these years..."

"Of course. I mean." Tom messily set back against your headboard, pulling the leg of his jeans up. "You think I would deal with one of my worst fears for just anyone?"

He traced along his tattoo, a somewhat faded sunflower to match the one on your ankle.

"You were pretty upset, cried a little," you laughed at the memory, holding your breath as he cupped your chin curiously, with a lot more expertise than the first time he did so many years ago.

Your mind was going a mile a minute as your breath mingled with his, a mix of alcohol and spearmint.

Tom loved you. He's loved you this entire time. Absolutely nothing could prepare you for this moment.

Tom kissed you like he didn't need to breathe, like his world began and ended with you.

When you got the courage to place your hand on his knee he abruptly pulled his lips from yours, making your heart pound. You didn't want to lose this moment.

"I love you."

Three simple words. But some of the hardest in the English language to understand when strung together.

Tom stood up abruptly, your hand falling to the side.

"Tom- what are you doing?" You watched as he hastily grabbed a sweatshirt, pulling it over his head. "Where are you going?"

"I just need time to think. I'm drunk and I-."

"Don't go," you whispered, "please don't go."

"I'm sorry."